Mobile phones cause cancer...

...if you smoke them.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ricerly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.

I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1963Jan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bonp27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
How did Samuel win the work talent show at the mobile phone factory?

Sam sung

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vodkafountain
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Mr Potato have a mobile phone?

Just in case Mr Onion rings.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A man got pulled over for using his mobile phone

He explained to that it was a call from his wife, so he wasn't talking on the phone, just listening.

The cops let him go.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
More people have access to a mobile phone than a toilet.

I think we really need to upgrade our plumbers.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone.

Now it's Hans free.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedWolf308
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Just got the new OnePlus 6T phone from T-Mobile

I told the salesman I wanted the new 61

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tannerlaw
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Phones in a renovated Mobile Home

Lets say you buy a mobile home and you renovate it to have more things in it and be a bit more up to date. You even add a phone system in case you lose your phone. Does that make it a Mobile Phone?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoulSilver1712
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Mobile Phone thephonecar.com/
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jacklopezisagiant
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2016
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about when Sting got an new Mobile Phone?

He sent out a SMS to the world.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toggle2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
🚨︎ report
At my work we sell internet and work with credit card info so we aren't allowed to bring mobil phones in.

So I turned to my manager yesterday and said "We may not be able to have cell phones, but we can have SALE phones."

Note: This my first post here and not 100% sure if this is a dad joke. If it doesn't belong here, do inform me where I could post it. Many thanks!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/James_Reacher
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Two friends, Jake and Joke, went camping

One evening Jake stole Joke’s bag and hid it just at the edge of a forest nearby. Next morning he told him what he had done and to be careful not to go far into the forest since it’s riddled with bears once you go into the deep forest part and you are sure to get eaten.

Since Joke didn’t return for a long period of time, Jake went looking for him. However, he couldn’t find his friend. Jake, feeling remorse, called the police and told them what had happened.

Unfortunately, the police were no help and the case started to gain traction with the media. Reporters from all the nearby villages wanted to be the one to crack the case and find Joke.

Jake slowly spiraled into despair, not knowing what happened, thinking he killed his friend and all he wanted was some answers, buying all the local newspapers every day hoping to read something new and gain some answers.

Day after day the event slowly slipped out of his mind as time went by with no new information whatsoever. Until one day, Jake decided to put this whole thing behind him and found a therapist to help him move on.

The therapy was a huge success, he completed all but one meetings and he had just one more to go. He arrived on time as always, but the therapist’s office was locked this time. Jake checked his mobile phone and he saw a message from his therapist that he’s gonna be a few minutes late and that he should sit down in the waiting room, relax, and wait for him.

Jake, as any reasonable person, sat down in the waiting room and started waiting. It was at this moment that his phone battery ran out and he became bored, very bored, so he picked up a random newspaper from the table in front of him and then he saw it, the headline he was waiting for for so long:

Joke gone too far.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/murlockerLOL
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
(US version) Why do companies like AT&T and Verizon do well?

They cell phones.

(Uk version) Why do companies like EE and O2 ban women called Maureen’s from stores?

Because MO BUY ALL (mobile) phones.

I work in a phone shop so I may have found these funnier than I should have

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-E-Droflah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2017
🚨︎ report
She's only 4!!

We've been teaching our 4 year old angel/terrorist daughter to use the phone so that in an emergency she'll be able to call me/SO/emergency services. I noticed when i got home yesterday that I had a missed call on my mobile phone from the land-line number, so I asked her: "Did you call me earlier?" Quick as a flash she replys: "No, I called you Dad!" My work here is done.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SystemCanNotFail
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2016
🚨︎ report
Got my lady earlier at the grocery store.

We were shopping at our local grocery store. She is pretty short, and she needed to reach the sugar on one of the higher shelves.

She grabbed my arm to get my attention (mobile redditing,) and asked, "Can you reach up there and grab that sugar please?"

I looked up from my phone and said, "Which one is the 'sugar-please?'"

As I was reaching up to grab it she kicked me in the butt for how stupid it was. I stood proud.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2015
🚨︎ report
Got dadjoked in the pub

[Note: I'm British. Doesn't work so well stateside]

Some older bloke knocks his phone onto the floor and doesn't seem to notice/care.
Me: Excuse me, mate. You dropped your phone.
Him: No, I didn't. It's a mobile phone. Goes around on its own.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrSquigles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
🚨︎ report
Telling dad jokes before they can even walk

We were talking recently about how the babies were going to be mobile pretty soon. His response; "Yeah, we'll never be able to get them off the phone!" He was pretty pleased with himself too.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kallisti50253
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2014
🚨︎ report
Outdaded an actual dad

Friends came to visit with their newborn son, who later into the evening was restless and crying.

The dad says "It's because he's not home, with his toys; usually he gets calm with a mobile."

I show them my phone. "Here's one."

There was a pause, and they both facepalmed.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/intisun
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.