BR EAK ING NE WS....'Bill Gates has agreed to pay for the finishing of Trumps Wall."

(on the condition he gets to install Windows in it)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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Hello dark nes my old friend
πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/btcdarius
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2017
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What does je ne sais quoi mean?

I dunno...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WalterNewton
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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Well it's a Ο€-ne tree
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SidSidderSiddest
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
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I like "je ne sais quoi" puns...

They have a certain... endearing quality that's hard to describe.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vandorbelt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2017
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It's a original NES Paul
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nodnodwinkwink
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2018
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Hes not li'ne
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cassiuswink
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
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Je ne sais pas

I went to french immersion school when I was younger. One of my dad's favourite things to do was to ask me and my brother what "je ne sais pas" means. We would then say "I don't know". My dad would then proceed to complain "Why am I sending you to this school if you don't even know what "je ne sais pas" means?"

πŸ‘︎ 209
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πŸ‘€︎ u/steven_scramkos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2015
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dark nes
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sriawsome
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2017
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My neice dad joked ne

So my 6 year old neice just got me with this.

Neice: Uncle lidsville76, would you know me if I sat next to you?

Me: Of course.

Neice: Would you know me if I was across the room?

Me: Yes I would.

Neice: Knock knock...

Me: Who's there?

Neice: I thought you knew me.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lidsville76
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2015
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I need a pun related to the NES

My girlfriend is making a shirt with a chibi NES controller on it. We are at a loss for puns related to the NES. Any help please?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doomhobo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2014
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BREAKING: INTERNAL NINTENDO CORRESPONDENCE REVEALS SHOCKING NES CLASSIC SHORTAGE CONSPIRACY

They're calling it the New NES memo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainTudmoke
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2018
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Did you see that article where the FBI director related Hilary and Russia with his hate for the NE pats?

Should have been titled, "FBI director declares himself unpatriotic!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pozpills
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2017
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I spilled some nachos on my old NES games

Now they are 8 bit too cheesy

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2017
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What do you call an isolated tree?

A quaran-tree-ne

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/STRG9
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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Oman! You’re about to read some terrible stuff.

β€œI live in Spain without the β€˜s’”.

This inspired me to come up with some truly terrible country-related jokes.

It’s about to Bahrain jokes without the β€œBah”.

  1. I have a double China without the β€œa”.

  2. Some people have told me that I look a lot like a German without the β€œan”.

  3. Oman, I think that one conspiracy about Israel Israel.

  4. You all probably want to hit me with Japan without the β€œJ”.

  5. You probably can’t Kuwait to stop reading these without the β€œKu”.

  6. Nowadays, car companies are focusing on making electric cars, but I Madagascar.

  7. As you’ve probably guessed, I don’t even have one Nepal without the β€œNe”.

All of these bad jokes made me Hungary so Iran to the nearest shop to get some food. Why am I always India-r need of food?

I sincerely apologise, fellow people. These jokes probably left a painful Denmark on your souls without the β€œDen”, of course.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anipanreads
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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My dog just ignores me when I call him...

Ever since he got that phone, he acts like he doesn't need ne anymore.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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If you're into gaming history, then you must play on the classic consoles,

it's NESessary

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Magnificent-Moe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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What do you call an ignorant duck?

"Je ne sais quack!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheeselesssmile
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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What really caused problems with Konami?

Contraban(ne)d

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RichieDragon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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What did the sorority girl say when she lost her pen?

"I literally cannot even write now!"

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LyndsySimon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2015
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I was wondering why this frisbee kept looking bigger and bigger.

Then it hit ne.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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Did you hear about the guy who died at Mount Rushmore?

There were 4 witnesses, but no one is saying anything. They're all stone-faced.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesss_jacob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
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My Dad literally just came out with this in the car...

I was explaining the interesting L-glucose thing I saw on Reddit t'other day to my diabetic father.

Dad: oh, so it's Spanish glucose then?

He thought it was great.

Edit: TIL I am a neckbeard-Yorkshireman with a Dad who literally bats for 't'other side' - for anyone still in the dark,"t'other" is contraction of "the other" commonly heard in NE England; it is commonly used elsewhere as a lighthearted/bucolic affectation.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squibly_Giblets
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2014
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I'm strangely attracted to geese. There's just something about them, an x-factor. They have a certain...

je ne sais quack.

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OgreMonk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2017
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I'm sure this isn't original, but I came up with it myself while playing with my cats

What did the French cat say when I tried to touch his feet?

>!"Ne touche pas!"!<

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dslybrowse
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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Old joke, my daughter loved it.

A trio of explorers were hiking through the Congo and found a small village that was very isolated and not on any map. The villagers turned out to speak English very well, and informed the adventurers very politely that theirs was a village of cannibals and they were to be cooked and eaten, and their hides tanned and turned into canoes for the villagers, but they would allow them to take their own life however they saw fit.

The first man asks for a sharp knife, slices his wrists open, and mutters "Lay me down and bleed a while, and ne'er up again."

The second man asks for his revolver, says "For God and Country!" and shoots himself in the head.

The last man asks for a fork, and stabs himself repeatedly screaming "Fuck your canoe!"

πŸ‘︎ 238
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimvoluntaryist
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2013
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I like awkward social situations...

They have a certain... je ne faux pas.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vandorbelt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
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What do you call an asexual R&B singer?

Ne-Yo'sporin.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dix2long
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
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What's another name for a seeing-eye cow?

Hamburger Helper

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Meowingtons-PhD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
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Chemistry Puns

Funny collection of chemistry puns

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.


How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone


What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.


Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium!


Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.


Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state.


How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado’s number.


If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium


What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe


What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A β€˜gram’ cracker.


What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)


What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.


How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a β€œcarbonkneel”


What did one titration tell the other? Let’s meet at the endpoint.


How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.


Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down


Why do chemistry professor like to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
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100 Paw-sitively Meow-nificent Cat Purr-ns Fur Mew to Use Whenev-fur Mew Need
  • Allow => A-meow
  • Apology => A-paw-logy
  • Appalling => A-paw-ling
  • Attitude => Cat-titude
  • Awesome => Paw-some / Claw-some
  • Awful => Claw-ful / Paw-ful
  • Because => Be-claws
  • Before => Be-fur
  • Bother => Bo-fur
  • Catastrophe => Cat-astrophe
  • Catastrophic => Cat-astrophic
  • Catch => Cat-ch
  • Clever => Claw-ver
  • Confusing => Con-fur-sing
  • Congratulations => Con-cat-ulations
  • Different => Dif-fur-rent
  • Disappearance => Disa-purr-ance
  • Familiar => Fur-miliar
  • Feeling => Feline
  • For => Fur
  • For real => Fur real
  • Forever => Fur-ever
  • Forget => Fur-get
  • Fortunate => Fur-tunate
  • Forward => Fur-ward
  • Friend => Fur-end
  • Furious => Fur-ious
  • Further => Fur-ther
  • Get or Got => Cat
  • Help me out => Help meow-t
  • History => Hiss-tory
  • Hysterical => Hiss-terical
  • Inferior => In-fur-ior
  • Kidding me => Kitten me
  • Konnichiwa => Konnichi-paw
  • Literally => Litter-ally
  • Literature => Litter-a-ture
  • Lost => Claw-st
  • Lying => Lion
  • Magnificent => Meow-nificent
  • Marvellous => Meow-velous
  • Minimum => Mew-nimum
  • Misery => Mew-sery
  • Moment => Mew-ment
  • Mountain => Meow-ntain
  • Move => Mew-v
  • Music => Mew-sic
  • Musician => Meow-sician
  • Never => Nev-fur
  • New => Mew
  • Now => Meow
  • Over => Ov-fur
  • Paper => Pay-purr
  • Pardon me => Paw-don me
  • Pause => Paws
  • Perfect => Purr-fect
  • Perhaps => Purr-haps
  • Permission => Purr-mission
  • Person => Purr-son
  • Personal => Purr-sonal
  • Persuasion => Purr-suasion
  • Places => Purr-laces
  • Please => Paw-lease
  • Portable => Paw-table
  • Positive => Paw-sitive
  • Possibility => Paw-sibility
  • Possibly => Paw-sibly
  • Precious => Purr-ecious
  • Prefer => Paw-fer
  • Preposterous => Pre-paw-sterous
  • Pretty => Purr-ty
  • Priceless => Purr-iceless
  • Prince => Purr-ince
  • Princess => Purr-incess
  • Puns => Purr-ns
  • Purpose => Purr-pose
  • Referring => Re-fur-ing
  • Respond => Res-paw-nd
  • Simple => Sim-paw-le
  • Suffer => Suf-fur
  • Superior => Su-purr-ior
  • Tale => Tail
  • Talent => Tail-ent
  • Tell => Tail
  • That’s all => Cat’s all
  • Unfortunate => Un-fur-tunate
  • Very => Furry
  • Whenever => Whene-fur
  • Wonderful => Won-fur-ful
  • You => Mew
  • Apologize => A-paw-logize
  • First => Furr-st
  • How are you? => Meow are mew?
  • Morning => Meowrning
  • Phon
... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eyl327
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Breaking news

ne ws

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
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My mom on the shoey-ness of my new shoes

I recently got a new pair of kicks and showed them to my mom. She seemed unimpressed at first. I noted, "They have a certain shoey-ness about them".

She: "A certain shoe ne sais quoi"

Possibly the best dad-joke I've ever heard...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kelaab
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2015
🚨︎ report
Saw this birthday card at the store

http://imgur.com/a/neYj1

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kendall12321232
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2015
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I like dogs... They have a certain

Je ne sais paw

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistymountaindew
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
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I like helicoptors. They have a certain..

Je ne sais yaw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JewisHalloween
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2017
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Breaking News

Ne ws

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeldaFan812
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2015
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