How do you know all woodpeckers love heavy metal music?

Because they’re all head bangers. (Credit to my 11 year old).

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IsaacPickle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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Wife: It's amazing how those woodpeckers can just cling to the tree like that.

Me: Yeah they must be very talonted.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TLo137
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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Morning Woodpecker, Digital [OC]
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CluKInCok
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2018
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The most buff bird is a woodpecker.

They have huge strong pecks!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onesyboy
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2018
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Why did the woodpecker knock on my computer?

To remove the bugs

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leedlemyladel13
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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My lovely tree is woodpecker-proof

My tree is impeccable.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tananar
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2018
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A young man wants to become a lumberjack, so he goes to the forest and starts chopping.

After a few days of doing this, he realizes he is simply not fit for this type of job. On his final day of trying to chop down trees, he notices an old scrawny man chopping down trees as if he was a woodpecker, the amount of hits he made grew more and more each swing. The first swing was one hit, the next, ten hits, the next one, a hundred hits, and the next one after that, a thousand. He kept swinging until the tree he was swinging at was chopped down. Amazed, the young man walks over to the old man and asks, "Sir, what is your secret, how do you chop them down so quickly?"

The old man turns and says, "It's all about the rhythm." Puzzled by the old man's answer, the young man returned home pondering what he said.

The next morning, he was motivated to keep trying to be a lumberjack. "If an old scrawny man can do it, so can I!" he thought.

So he went back to the forest, and tried to use his advice. Trying to time each swing, he realizes this simply doesn't work. Later in the day, he sees the old man again, comes up to him, and asks, "I tried to time my swings, but it does no more than just chopping normally. How do you do it?"

"You can't just make up any old rhythm and follow it, you have to find a very specific one," he says, "you have to find the Logger-rhythm."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaximusMatrix
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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A joke my brother made

He saw a woodpecker today, and got as close as he could before turning to me and saying, "He's doing impeccable"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IzzieisAsleep
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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If the stork is the bird of birth, what's the bird of birth control?

A swallow.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikkobe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2017
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What’s a pornstars favorite bird?

A Swallow

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DjBWren
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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There were these two trees that lived in the middle of a meadow, all by themselves, one, a birch, the other, a beech...

Having nothing much else to do to pass the time, they engaged in frequent conversation with each other about whatever tickled their fancy.

Well, one year, a sapling took root between the two trees and having not much else to talk about, they argued about the sapling for years.

"It's a son of a beech," the beech would say.

"No, it's a son of a birch," the birch would say.

And back and forth they would go.

Well one year, when the sapling was starting to get big and tall, a woodpecker happened to fly along and land on the beech.

The beech, seeing an opportunity to settle this argument once and for all, said, "Hey, woodpecker. I need a favor. I want you to fly over to that young tree there, and tell me whether that tree is a son of a beech or the son of a birch."

Well, the woodpecker not having much else to do said, "Sure thing!" and flew over to the young tree and gave it six good taps.

-tap tap tap-

-tap tap tap-

And flew back.

"Well?" the birch said.

"Well?" the beech said.

"Is it a son of a beech, or the son of a birch?"

The woodpecker said, "Neither."

"Neither!?"

"That, my friends," the woodpecker said, "is the best piece of ash I've ever put my pecker in."

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2017
🚨︎ report
Animals puns for wedding tables...

We're having a Canadian wedding with an animal theme to differentiate the different tables. On each table we'll have an animal emblem with some kind of love pun for each animal. It's been a trying affair to come up with these, but I know a lot of them could be better. In fact, most of them are downright ridiculous.

Reddit, how can we improve these?

Moose - I find you amoosing.

Beaver - I think I'll pick this flower for her, it would beavery romantic.

Owl - Owl always love you.

Fox - You are the object of my affoxtion.

Skunk - I stink you're sweet!

Bunny - Everybunny loves you!

Woodpecker - Knock Knock! Who's there? Wood! Wood who? Wood you be mine?

Porcupuine. I'm stuck on you.

Wolf - Wolf you marry me?

Trout - We'll be together trout eternity!

Turtle - You're turtley amazing.

Lynx - Let us lynx our lives together.

Bear - To be away from you is unbearable.

Squirrel - I'm going nuts for you!

Raven - Can't stop raven about you.

Turkey - I could just gobble you up!

Caribou - Where does one find a wedding ring for his deer? Why at the cariboutique, of course.

Deer - I love you deerly!

Goose - You give me goose bumps.

Sasquatch - Getting you to marry me was no small feat.

Also looking for some ideas for racoon, snake, and groundhogs.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TonyMcConkey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2014
🚨︎ report
A young man wants to become a lumberjack, so he goes to the forest and starts chopping.

After a few days of doing this, he realizes he is simply not fit for this type of job. On his final day of trying to chop down trees, he notices an old scrawny man chopping down trees as if he was a woodpecker, the amount of hits he made grew more and more each swing. The first swing was one hit, the next, ten hits, the next one, a hundred hits, and the next one after that, a thousand. He kept swinging until the tree he was swinging at was chopped down. Amazed, the young man walks over to the old man and asks, "Sir, what is your secret, how do you chop them down so quickly?"

The old man turns and says, "It's all about the rhythm." Puzzled by the old man's answer, the young man returned home pondering what he said.

The next morning, he was motivated to keep trying to be a lumberjack. "If an old scrawny man can do it, so can I!" he thought.

So he went back to the forest, and tried to use his advice. Trying to time each swing, he realizes this simply doesn't work. Later in the day, he sees the old man again, comes up to him, and asks, "I tried to time my swings, but it does no more than just chopping normally. How do you do it?"

"You can't just make up any old rhythm and follow it, you have to find a very specific one," he says, "you have to find the Logger-rhythm."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MaximusMatrix
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report

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