If you willingly jump in the river in Paris,
you must be in-Seine!
(Just thought of this the other day and forgot to post it before. Hope it hasn’t been done before.)
When someone makes a bad pun:
No one will listen to White Snake with me
SO here I go again on my own
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm?
You look for fresh prints
I have a hunch you will like this joke
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
Only 90' kids will remember this
I’m driving through England, and will be staying in Greenwich tomorrow.
Not sure what to do in the Mean Time.
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
Will glass coffins become popular?
The fly fishing tournament will not have spectators this year.
But it will be LIVE STREAMED.
I will never name my child Vince
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I saw a blind man who said, "One day I will see it all."
Then he sat down with his hammer and saw.
Do you think glass coffins will ever be a thing?
This support group will help you recharge
I'm putting together a book of tried and true recipes, none of which will include thyme as an ingredient.
>!I've decided the title is going to be 'Thymeless Classics'!<.
Scientists have discovered that, on occasion, an octopus will "punch" a fish for no reason other than spite
That's called Toxic Molluskulinity.
I'm worried that the supreme court will lack empathy now that Ginsburg is gone.
Without her they're ruthless.
If you commit 90 sins, you will only get caught half the time.
I wrote a will today
I really hope Mr. Smith gets back to me.
My daughter goes to a school that requires a uniform. Occasionally, the administration will reward the children with a free dress day.
For some reason, my daughter never comes home with her free dress...???
You're damn right it will
An actual conversation between my wife and my son yesterday.
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."
My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."
I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth - and won a toaster.
I have created living numbers! In fact, one of them is psychic and told me that certain things will continue to happen for a long time.
At least for the four-seeable future.
Elon musk will be disappointed
If you have bee hive at your house, and you call a local bee keeper to take them away, the Bee keepers will thank you for the FreeBees.
No one will ever make a successful video game about running a coffee shop.
Gamers would never put up with the amount of grinding required.
Those who think the COVID-19 vaccine will modify their DNA
Should see it as an opportunity
I'm not sure when my plane will get here
It's pretty up in the air right now
Rick Astley has a massive movie collection and will let you borrow all but one
He’s never going to give you up His movie collection
In 2022, February 22 will fall on a Tuesday.
I guess you can say it's the ultimate Two's Day.
I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years, “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?” She smiled and answered...
My professor wrote on his syllabus "If anyone asks me how I'm doing, my answer will always be 'I am great, how are you?'"
So when we ask him how he's doing, his answer is "It's on the syllabus".
My son never does his laundry so one day I got fed up and told him "If you don't start cleaning your clothes I'm going to leave you all my dirty clothes in my will!"
Sorry, just had to heir my dirty laundry
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
Only Calculus Peeps Will Understand
My Father will be releasing a new brand of giant breath mints later this year. He said it will be named after his children!
If ladies have ladyfingers, then men will have
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
How do you track Will Smith in the snow?
The salesman at the furniture store told me, "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problem."
I said, "Where the fuck am I going to find 5 people without any problems?"
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
