There's been a lot of people who aren't Dad's making Dad jokes on here recently. If you're not a Dad you shouldn't be making Dad Jokes.
What does a presidential candidate who cant get his votes up suffer from?
Attila the Hun had a pet snake who refused to eat.
He tried everything: rodents, small animals, and even cuts from larger animals, but it wouldn't eat.
As a last resort, he offered a virgin, but still the snake wouldn't eat. So, he called up the village's wise man.
Without hesitation, the wise man put two pieces of bread on the woman, and the snake ate her whole.
When Attila asked why, the wise man responded,
"Thine anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, hun!"
I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
It’s my jingle bell rock.
Who said, “Coming are the British! Coming are the British!”?
Who'll are from Indonesia?
"Honey, who might bee at the front door?"
The guy who stole my diary has died.
My thoughts are with his family.
Did you hear about the guy who dipped his testicles in glitter?
To the person who stole my spectacles. I will find you.
Do you know Cardi B has a sister who’s an athletic trainer ?
What do you call a dinosaur who is easy to clean, heat resistant and long lasting?
py-rex
I'll get my coat...
"A happy man is one who has found meaning in life"
What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?
"Have you ever heard of Joe"? "Who`s Joe"?
Did you hear about the ancient Peruvian who fainted?
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
A German tourist jumped off to the freezing water to save my precious dog who was drowning.
After he climbed out he said, "Here is ze dog, dry him off and he vill be fine."
I said, "Are you a vet?"
To which he replied, annoyed; "Vet? I'm fucking zoaking."
Who called it Vagina and not Cockpit?
What rock group has four guys who don’t sing?
People who run behind cars get exhausted.
But people who run in front of cars get tired.
I’ve got a friend who is an electrician and a part-time detective
We call him Sherlock Ohms.
Yesterday I met someone who didn't know what × (the multiplication symbol) meant...
It really is a sign of the times.
What do you call a tea whos always pissed?
What do you say to a woman who has given birth to members of the military?
Thank you for your cervix.
How did the detective figure out who the engineer murdered?
A person who crushes can for a living is always sad
Because his job is Soda pressing
What do you call a software engineer who was an English teacher?
A pro-grammar
Was told by a friend's father!
Did you hear about the guy who went into the Everglades, found this huge sea-cow thing and beat it to death with the oar of his boat?
They're prosecuting him for crimes against a manatee.
Who does their best work when they're under the weather?
I once knew a guy who was a pilot but he wasn't very bright.
All of his friends called him plain stupid.
I met a transformer who only had positive thoughts.
He said his name was optimist prime
Who is the cleverest Disney character?
Gaston; he's the winner of the No-Belle Prize
Who do you call about a bed wetting problem
My friend who is a simp has a kid
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
What do you call a hen who counts her eggs?
My daughter’s creation: Who is the fourth most dangerous supervillain?
Did you hear about the bingo caller who had a tumor biopsied?
Does anyone know if doctors could take some of my butt flesh and graft it onto someone who isn't a relative?
To all of you who have been disowned by fathers. In honor of pride month and on behalf of all dads of R/dadjokes I just wanna say, buffalo.
Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.
Who needs Proteins when you have BROteins
Did you hear about the new Batman villain who tells really bad puns?
They call him the Dad Joker
What do you call a cow who is vegetarian?
A vegeta-bull
Edit: It’s been brought up that I should’ve said bovine instead of cow. I definitely didn’t mean to offend anyone! I literally thought this stupid joke to myself while in the shower lol
The guy who lost the fishing competition was really upset.
He was totally out of line.
What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Did you hear about the man who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the No Bell Prize.
What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?
Did you know Cardi B has a sister who’s a fitness instructor?
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