The man looks around, but there is no punchline.
I told her to…be patient.
I’m a new dad of a five-month old baby and I was quite proud of this moment.
chiropractor: "you're up. follow me, we're going straight back"
ba dum tsss
There was a cue
That's the punch line.
When I answered it she sighed and said, "I didn't make the plane."
"That's fine, honey," I replied. "You know nothing about construction."
It's time consuming.
The Hobby Lobby lobby lobby lobby
Me : For starters, I bring a lot to the table
Then it dawned on me
It’s a dad-ly disease.
Happy Father’s Day to all the dads that get me though my day to day life, without you Dad Jokes wouldn’t mean a thing 😉
Or does it take time to develop?
But I'm not allowed to spread it.
My 7 year old son tries to tell puns, but he's really bad at it. After going to the zoo, he noticed that his right ear was itchy. Upon inspection, we noticed that the skin around his ear was flaking. We discussed if it was a sun burn, but he had been wearing a bucket hat all day. Without missing a beat he said:
I guess it has to be an "ear"itation. He even used air quotes. Proud moment for Father's Day!
Hope you had a great Father's Day as well!
I mean, pho queue, people.
He’s basically one big banner
A barberqueue
Sitting at the Doc of the Bae, wasting time.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
Because you're stuck in a barber queue
It was a tall order.
He decides that it's boring and gets on his phone to kill time. He doesn't pay attention and the train collides with a train car that was left on the tracks killing all 70 of the passengers on board. At trial he is sentenced to death by electrocution and requests a singular banana. When he goes to the chair he is strapped in, but survives and is released because the judge thinks that the man was saved by God. The man gets a job at another station but gets bored and crashes that train killing all 80 passengers on board. He is once again sentenced to die and requests two bananas for his last meal and survives the electric chair again and is released. Once again he somehow gets a job conducting a train and this time he kills 90 people. He is once again sentenced to death but the guards refuse to give him bananas for his last meal because they think that he is somehow using them to survive. He is strapped in and the guards flip the switch but he still somehow survives. This time the judge decides to just sentence him to life, but just before he is taken to his cell the guard asks him.
"How have you been surviving all these times? I thought it was the bananas."
The man said: "Wait, you haven't found out yet? I'm just not a good conductor."
There can only be Juan.
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
I like it more than blue and red combined...
It's like a sauna in here.
OK, when my first kid became cognizant, about two years old, I would wait until I could see the street light was going to turn green, just blow at it, and it would turn green. I never said a word. I would just do it.
After doing this for about a year or so, my daughter caught on and could not figure out how I was doing this.
She finally asked me, "Daddy Magic", of course.
She is now 31, and she still blows at street lights.
That is the real Daddy Magic.
Because they know you're patient
I can't wait to see how it turns out.
(Wait for them to answer with ARRRR, which they always do)
Aye, you may think it be R, but a pirates true love be the C!
It really does , I swear.
A monkey was sitting on the train tracks waiting for a train. When a train ran over its tail the monkey said, "It won't be long now!"
Wait. Sorry, wrong sub.
He wanted to do the Muenster Mash.
They are waiting to get waxinated...
Edit: misspelled Madame, but can't change the title
Because it'll be sadder day.
Oh wait, you reddit before.
[deleted]
Toefu!!
because he was PATIENT
That’s the punch line.
The bartender says, “pal, if you want punch, you’ll need to get in line.”
The guy looks around and there is no punch line.
That's the punch line.
