The amount of legs they had was astounding.
I have Someteimerβs.
(Courtesy of my mom).
So I text him, let's get some burgers and ketchup.
βYou finally found it, my secret stacheβ
I toque it for granted.
I'm rial-ly developing a respectable collection, lemme tell ya!
Some guy waring silver drawers came up to me and told me to go fork myself. That wasn't very knife of him to say but spoon I shall get my revenge.
Dad: "Yeah, how come you've not bin-going?"
Afterwards my wife askes if the next hair cut will be shorter. I said yes by a hair.
Me: hey dad I'm staying in the seaside hostel in Belize
Dad: wow, that is unBelizable
I was watching a friends 3 year old and I ask him if he likes vegetables. He says, "No, I like chocolate." I tell him, "Chocolate comes from a vegetable." He says, "No, chocolate comes for dessert."
...I haven't posted ALL YEAR...
While in the car:
Me: Dad I'm in distress.
Dad: Why are you in distress, I thought you are in the car.
I'm at my buddy's parent's house last night for his little birthday shindig with some friends. His mom is there and, while she's super sweet, she tends to find compliments for everything even if they're not needed.
His mom gets to talking to one of our friends about how the friend works at a bookstore downtown which happens to be a two storey building.
Friend's mom: "Oh, you work at Barnes and Noble? It must be nice to work there. It's such a building. It's so nice that it has two storeys."
Me: "I'm pretty sure there's a lot more than two stories in there..."
I walked into the living room just a few minutes ago, and saw that there was packaging for new toner on the couch. My dad's sitting there.
Me: Did you get toner?
Dad: sly smile Yeah, I've been working out.
Me: laughing groan
Dad: Nah, I'm still with the same old lady.
