Wife yells from kitchen: Babe, we're almost out of trash bags...

I yelled back: Well why do you keep throwing them away?

I got a very stern look.

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/lboogie09
šŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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I think Iā€™m done buying trash bags.

I always end up throwing them away anyways.

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/porichoygupto
šŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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My girlfriend says I would look good even in a trash bag.

But I think I would look a little hefty.

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/erog653
šŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2016
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This Happened Today at Dinner

*sister takes out the trash but doesn't replace the trash bag*

Dad: "hey do you have a whole butt?"

Sister: *blinks* "what?"

Dad: "do you have a whole butt? or do you have a half butt?"

Sister: "uh I am pretty sure a whole butt..."

Dad: *points to trashcan* "then why did you half ass the job?"

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/amiyawatkins
šŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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My husband and I were changing our 3 week old son's diaper

It's 3 am, we're both exhausted, and this tiny child just took the biggest poop!

Me: Wow! That's a hefty diaper!

Husband: Actually, that's a Pampers...Hefty makes trash bags.

Me: groan I'm going to bed!

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/Larusse
šŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2016
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Fellow cook just got me so terribly

This just happened 5 minutes ago. I work in a busy kitchen and I was changing these white trash bags around the kitchen. As I start heading outside with them, I'm moving around cooks while saying "coming through". This guy corrects me and says "say white trash". So I start yelling "white trash coming through" while everyone stares at me.

I can't believe I just fell for that.

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/Perniciousus
šŸ“…︎ May 21 2015
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