A bus carrying tourists headed to see Elvis Presley’s Graceland has over turned. No one was injured

But they were all shook up.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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What causes all the super-yachts to squeeze together in the same tourist spots?

Pier pressure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blarty97
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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What do bears in Turkey say when they see tourists in sleeping bags?

Kebab Wrap.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FullMoon-Horror
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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A German tourist jumped off to the freezing water to save my precious dog who was drowning.

After he climbed out he said, "Here is ze dog, dry him off and he vill be fine." I said, "Are you a vet?" To which he replied, annoyed; "Vet? I'm fucking zoaking."

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/im_not_geih
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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I thought Hawaii was a tourist destination...

But all the license plates there were from in state.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoboHops
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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What do Alaskan tourists say when they build an Igloo?

Let's go Inuit

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Hear the joke about a bunch of fat tourists standing in a queue?

It's got a terrible paunch line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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What do a cab driver in Boston and a tourist in the capital of Bangladesh have in common?

They're both in Dhaka

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bandito210
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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Did you hear about the Lego piece that was 323 feet to a side? It was a huge tourist draw...

People were lined up around the block.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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I was once walking my dog along a promenade during a storm. I got chatting to a German tourist. While we were talking, my dog decided to go for a swim. It was clear he was struggling then he got dragged under. The German dived in, pulled him out and did cpr. The dog coughed then came back to life

"That's amazing" I said "how did you know to do that? Are you a vet?" "Vet?" He asked. 'of corse I'm vet. I was in zee sea"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedDogBoyMark
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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What did the mandolorian say to assure the tourist he wasn't lost?

This is the way.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jxwtf585
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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I was on a safari in Africa when one of the tourists asked our guide, β€œIs it difficult to spot cheetahs?”

He said, β€œNo, they usually come that way.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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Did you hear about the two owls stealing from tourists on Machu Picchu?

They were incahoots.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hashsmasher
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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A tourist who visited France died a gruesome death

He really shouldn’t have gone to the I-Fell Tower

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWolf2604
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
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A german tourist jumped into a freezing lake to save someone’s dog...

He told the owner β€œkeep him warm and he vill be fine” the owner asked β€œare you a vet?” The German replied β€œvet? I’m soaking!”

EDIT: Some people feel like I need to make it clear this is not my joke so... it’s not my joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mynameisj3sus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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Cemeteries are one of the most popular tourist attractions

People are dying to get into them!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roxanne_12784
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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The Tourist when to Cambodia and saw a person saying something.

He said "Khmer tourist, I got things for you to buy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/toxic_dude22
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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I'm surprised the tower of Pisa hasn't fallen over during the pandemic...

Without all those tourists helping hold it up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bourque25
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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One time a German tourist dove into a river to save someone's dog. When he came back, he said to the owner, "Here iz ze dog, put him in a blΓ€nket so he iz dry and warm." The owners ask him, "How do you know, are yoy a vet?" The German looks at them blankly, "Vet? Im fucking soaking!"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpillsMcDribble
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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Did I ever tell you about the time I put a busload of tourists from Prague on a trampoline?

I bounced a lot of Czechs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
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I guy was ranting in a bar about tourists

Guy 1: I don't like tourists. You never know what they're up to.

Guy 2: I'm a tourist and do you know what I'm up to? To kill you for what you said!

Guy 1: To what?!?!?

Guy 2: Tourist.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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The tourists visited sites on both the Mediterranean and Baltic...

They went from "see" to "see"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Taken from cursed comments, thought it might fit here
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacob_Young6138
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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Tourist goes to London and gets lost

Goes up to a Londoner to ask for directions.

Tourist: Excuse me, do you know Bishops Walk?

Londoner: Why yes, it is good for them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deadly_R
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
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What's the state that likes to greet Japanese tourists?

Ohio!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
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Did you hear about the ravenous shrubs that attacked a group of tourists?

It was an amBUSH.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Psycho_Hobbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2018
🚨︎ report
It costs around $7 to cross the Golden Gate Bridge, regardless of whether you're a commuter or a tourist.

It takes a toll on everybody.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/original_evanator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2016
🚨︎ report
I've been cutting lumber for a tourist viewpoint over the bays in Norway

One could say I've been pining for the fjords

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πŸ‘€︎ u/belly_bell
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked by a tourist in the hotel.

Go to check out of my hotel this morning. I get in the elevator and there's a group of raucous old men telling jokes and laughing. They were going down so they invited me in to the elevator even thought I was planning on catching the next one.

Anywho, as we're going down, the elderly gentleman I'm standing next to turns to me, and says

"Do you know the elevator dance?"

me: "No, what's that?"

him: "There are no steps!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebornotaku
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2014
🚨︎ report
Japanese Tourist

My parents went to Spain, they met a Japanese tourist while on an excursion.

Japanese tourist greets my parents: "ohayō" (pronounced Ohio)

Dad says: "California"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBobHolly
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2014
🚨︎ report
I try to avoid tourist traps.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RUSTY_LEMONADE
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2014
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My dad told this one to a bunch of tourists:

So for some background, my dad's a tour guide in the UK and he was showing a group round Hampton Court Palace and in the gardens there's this maze. This is the text he just sent me:

>Dad joke at Hampton Court Maze - I have fine memories of Hampton Court Maze. I used to bring my children here...... If you see them could you send them home!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patchoolible
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2014
🚨︎ report
My son asked today β€œ Dad, are people in Spain cannibals?”

I answered β€œWhy would you think that?”

He said β€œWell, my teacher said they mostly live off of tourists there”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kristjanrunars
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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A japanese spy is a ninja. What do you call a chinese spy?

A tourist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GabyHer4
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend owns a mall (long)

I'm here today to tell you all a horrible story, so that none of you have to go through the same experience as my friend.

My friend, Hugh, is a very religious man, who is also involved in our community. 2 weeks ago, our local church burned down and Hugh believed it was his Christian duty to help them get back on their feet. Hugh allowed the friars of the church to set up a cart in his mall to sell their flowers. Every day, the friars came in at 7:00 in the morning with a bushel of beautiful flowers and began to work diligently to arrange them into bouquets. All was going well, the mall was generating more revenue and the church was making more money than they were by selling the flowers in front of the church on Sunday. Everyone was happy; until that first weekend.

Our town is kinda tourist-y, so we get some out-of-towners on the weekends. A gay couple came to the mall the first weekend that the friars had taken up shop (Typically, our town is pretty progressive, but the friars tended to be uber-conservative). The couple came over to the cart and admired the flowers; they tried to purchase a bouquet, but the friars refused to sell to them. The couple was outraged and went to see Hugh directly. They complained to him that the friars were being discriminatory, so Hugh promised to have a talk with the friars. When Hugh confronted the friars, they refused to sell to the couple on the grounds that β€œthey were committing an atrocity in the eyes of the lord.” The couple stormed off and promised to boycott the cart.

This past weekend, the couple came back with a large group and a letter from the mayor, saying that the friars had to sell to them, regardless of sexual preference. The friars stood firm and refused to sell to them, so the group started a protest. They brought in signs and started chanting around the cart. The friars continued to sell their flowers and Hugh allowed them to remain, so eventually the protest began to boycott the mall, rather than just the cart.

By today, the mall had lost 50% of its normal weekend revenue. The group sent a letter to Hugh saying that they could forgive him if he shut down the flower cart within the week. Hugh was pretty broken up, but he had no choice. To maintain his livelihood, he would have to kick the friars out of his store. He talked with the friars this morning and revoked their previous agreement. The friars had their cart packed and left by 7:30, to huge cheers from the community. The mall has been pretty norm

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/st_pugsley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2016
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Dad on travelling

We were sitting up at the dinner table tonight, and my sister was over too. We started talking about travelling and she mentioned about how when she went to Venice, she didn't see many of the local Venicians, just lots of tourists. Dad went on to explain to us (with a big grin on his face) the reason you don't see many venetians is because most of them are blind...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hodgkinsonable
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2013
🚨︎ report
I clean rental cars at the airport...

...so that tourists can have a clean getaway.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/seekunrustlement
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2013
🚨︎ report
Dad joke in Thailand

In the streets of Bangkok, there were motorbikes with carts on the back for tourists to get around the city called tuk-tuks (pronounced "took-took"). When we were looking for a way to get across the city, my dad, without fail, would proudly say, "Let's take-take a tuk-tuk!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/McMartian
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2013
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A rabbit walks over the

A rabbit walks over the boarder to the neighboring country, what does it become?

Answer
Huh this wont work on pc...
The rabbit becomes a Tourist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ardibanan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Got the BF with my first dadjoke

At a tourist attraction a large group walks past us speaking a different language

BF: I think they're Russian

Me: Where do think they're rushin to?

Eye roll and forehead smack. Success :)

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2015
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A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, β€œhere is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, β€œare you a vet?”

He said, β€œvet? I’m fucking soaking”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rohanlahiri05
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My dog jumped into some freezing water. A random German tourist jumped in to save him. He told me "Here is ze dog. keep him varm and he vill be just fine". I asked if he was a vet.

"Vet? I'm fucking soaked!"

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nakedurlrobot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report

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