Totalled Puns

It was a soul crushing accident.

Total pun-upper

So storytime... My wife and I were talking about my overuse of puns, and food/cheese puns in particularly (that's goud-a but this one's feta, etc.) I ended up drawing a Venn diagram.

The largest circle was my total puns, inside it was a second circle representing food puns, with a third showing cheese puns. I was trying to show that a majority of all of my puns are food related, and many of those are cheese related.

Something like this: http://i.imgur.com/nPdi07H.jpg

My wife immediately told me I did it wrong, that some of the cheese circle was outside of the food puns.

I told her that those are rare, but are often the cheesiest.

It's like I never knew herbivore.

“Because she has no taste.”

When I asked how he managed to keep count,

He replied, "I keep a log"

All You Need Is Lunch

Do You Believe In Life After Lunch

Lunch In An Elevator

Then I realised, it was on paws.

It was a gorgeous shade of red before; now it’s just a burnt Sienna.

The other 99 read balloons.

I asked her if she was at self check out. Looks like I'm sleeping on the couch.

An Eclipse.

But try donating five kidneys and suddenly everyone is yelling and the police get involved.

It’s spends all day doing tik toks.

That’s a wurst kase scenario

You know what they say, hair today gone tomorrow

-Why do you want a Ford?

-Because its af-Ford-able!

Park in it, man.

I think she's going to take me up on it.

Some people think it's gross but it's really good on toast. Diahrrea...

..it's really hard to find the happy Medium.

Whine-ese.

...would be preposterous

along with nearly 900 by Carl Philipp Emanuel Bach, nearly 400 by Johann Christian Bach, more than 300 by Johann Christoph Friedrich Bach, and nearly 200 by Wilhelm Friedemann Bach.

Together with as many as 200 more surviving compositions by other members of the Bach dynasty, scholars estimate that about 3 000 works are preserved in total, a collection that we today know as the Baroque Bach mountain.

Because we’d be admitting 2021.

Twice dragons.

Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use “Wreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internet” and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) he’s been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyou‘s for the kind words and awards.

I really wish he would stop laughing at me expense.

This comes as little surprise however, as Iceland’s Björk has always been worse than their byte.

Get your eyes checked.

“Good” he said, “because I’m counting on you”.

An Incommunicado

Eh?!

Because it was totally tubular

Total ovary action.

I said, “Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right!”

I’m totally clean now, though!

If they fall forwards they will fall into the boat