Toothpick Puns

like when you have to change someone's mind.

Pointless.

They're long enough.

If you don't know, you better not pick your teeth!

Toothpick.

Dad: Did you hear they're not making toothpicks any longer?

Me: No, why?

Dad: Yeah, they're already long enough!

Hilarity ensues.

So when I was younger my Dad would sometimes make me a root beer float/ice cream float/coke float/etc. But one day my Dad asks me, "Hey do you want a wood float?" I'm not exactly sure what a wood float is, but my experiences with floats in general have gone AMAZINGLY well through this point in my life. So I say yes without giving it too much thought. My Dad brings me a glass of water with a toothpick in it. Enormous grin on his face. Very much the opposite on mine.

I now realize at the age of 26, that the only reason he ever made me the root beer floats and other floats, was just to set me up for one of the Daddest jokes of all time.

Having said that, I will be using this on my child.

Me: Can I order something to drink other than water? Dad: Sure, you can have a pine float Me: A float, really? But what do you mean by pine? Dad: I'll let you put a toothpick in your water.

Me: "Yikes, I have something stuck in my teeth. I need a toothpick."

I turn to him and smile.

BF, pointing at my mouth: "That one!"