Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...

Riceless

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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And that’s not the tip of the iceberg
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlyciaGiuls
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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Oh damn guess I get to keep my tip
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Castille_92
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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I kept telling my brother not to put the Q-tip in too deep, but he never listens to my words.

It goes into one ear, and out the other.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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My kid said he didn’t want the tri tip I bought him for dinner

So I told him if he didn’t eat, his life would be at steak

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Devin-707
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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I tried to give the Uber Eats driver another tip for my Vietnamese soup.

He said to pho-get it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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I’ve got a tip for a horse in tomorrow’s big race, it’s won all its races, it’s called β€œdusty carpet”

It’s never been beaten.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elmachow
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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Life Pro Tip ~ Don't ever put ducks in a cement mixer because…

You'll get quacks in the pavement!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Pro tip: If you are looking for a cheap way to work out at home, consider using milk jugs as weights.

But be sure to use almond or soy milk, I’ve heard they’re the healthier alternatives.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jimothy05
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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Don’t forget to tip the waitress
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DesDesign11
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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thanks for the tip
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattloKei
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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The tall guy who tips off the ball to start basketball games was found deceased at mid-court...

Dead center.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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I have a great safety tip for Halloween this year

Wear a mask!!!

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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Those tips should never be foresakeskin.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/learjet2014
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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Why did the egg tip the waiter

Because the food was eggcellent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yakismoki899
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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Customers always ask if I take tips

But I say no since I don't like change

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Captain-Americano
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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Son, you should always tip the waitress

Tip her, but don’t let her fall

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chuffedmemes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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My girlfriend told me that she was worried she was turning into a costal area at the southwestern tip of the Gower Peninsula in south Wales. I said to her...

Don't be Rhossili Bae

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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Dis a tip of the cone
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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Those tips should never be foresakeskin.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/learjet2014
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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Christmas Tip
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πŸ‘€︎ u/acadiel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
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I always give good tips to my waiters

"be nice to your customers"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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Don’t forget to tip your server
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PanchofromAZ
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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Pro Tip: If you have a gashed wound, it is cheaper to go to a comedy club than the emergency room.

You just pay the cover charge and they'll have you in stitches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cozykinkajou
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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So I was rolling coins from my tip money and placing the rolled up sleeves on each other forming a kind of pyramid shape:

My sister walks up to me and asks: β€œAre you creating a pyramid scheme?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ColinHenrichon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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Helpful tip for a knife fight
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ferrybig
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
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Quarantine Tip #19: Yesterday I ran out of soap and body wash and all I could find was dish detergent.

Then it Dawned on me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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Tech tip: It’s dangerous to download β€œCome Sail Away” or β€œSatisfaction” on ITunes. β€œTurn, Turn, Turn” is perfectly fine however.

Styx and Stones may break your phones, but the Byrds will never hurt you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
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Quarantine Tip #2:

Diarrhea is an early symptom of Coronavirus infection.

So try to loaf as long as you can.

That's a solid tip.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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Here's a tip:

5$

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndiChR
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
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Tip of the day: The toilets at Lowes are just for display.

(they should put signs on those, or something..)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MagicGuy66
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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My wife just got a breast reduction surgery done and the doctor slapped a couple pieces of paper across her nipples that had bandage removal tips...

They were post-tit notes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmyb55
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
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I spent all day trying to balance a screw on it's tip.

All I ended up doing by the end was just screwing around.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethanol314
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
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Tip of my tongue

Guys, help me out here. I can't remember the name of this old action movie. Bilbo Baggins has to stop a terrorist plot and save his wife in the Nakatomi Towers. Oh, that's it.

Old Hobbits Die Hard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigchefpeter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
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Felt tip maka
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DVa4evermaka4ever
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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Tips to make running on a treadmill more bearable

Step 1: Add a bear

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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Just the tip
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deathlysin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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If you’re looking for a tip: Wait for it...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lilsguy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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Now that's a tip
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sonujohny
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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Pro tip: wait until next year to get lasik or other corrective eye surgery

so you can have 2020 vision

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sakibug
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
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Whenever I go out to eat I always tip my server.

I've also learned that servers have horrible balance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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A financial tip: Don’t invest in skiing companies.

The entire sport is going downhill fast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
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Always make sure to tip the gynecologist.

They're in the cervix industry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iresenteverything
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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Soap tips.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1SLAYER1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mairiphinc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2017
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