What comes before thunder and knows its manners?

A polightning

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kaze_no_saga
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
🚨︎ report
The God of Thunder went into real estate.

He's quite the realthor.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
How does the God of Thunder feel after a particularly intense workout?

Thor.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Perrin42
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I did the Macarena, the Mashed Potato, the Funky Chicken and had my young daughter absolutely rolling over with laughter. My wife had a face like thunder though and hissed…

"Get off my mother's grave, NOW!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?

The scientists were brainstorming.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HalalPork97
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the god of thunder drink water?

Because he was thorsty.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WafflesGaming
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
What happened when the Norse God of Thunder dropped his hammer on his hand?

He had a Thor Thumb.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
🚨︎ report
There’s this song about thunder on the radio

It’s taking the world by storm! (Help me)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toby1kenobi94
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
The god of thunder got hit by a truck

He must be Mighty Thor.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRainstormer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the thunder god have a lot of during puberty?

Thormones

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hgrossmann21
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2018
🚨︎ report
What does the God of thunder eat?

Thortilla

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pateuvasiliu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2017
🚨︎ report
How can you tell when the God of Thunder has been doing Addition?

It's easy: it stands out like a Thor Sum.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kuhnaydeein
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2015
🚨︎ report
How do lighting bolts laugh?

They crack up

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xx420mcyoloswag
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
What do clouds wear under their shorts?

Thunderpants!

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/__just_a_boi__
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
What happens when Thor breaks wind

There’s thunder down under

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/seatheous
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
I took my 1 year old to the ER with the flu. As the nurse was taking her temperature rectally with the thermometer in the butt, he sympathized with her misery by saying β€œI know, it stinks.”

To which I responded β€œIt certainly will when you take it out.” I accepted the long awkward silence that followed as thunderous applause.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Khoalb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
Queen must be afraid of Thor

Because thunder and lightning, very very frightening.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pepperono-boi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
Why was the cloud so dark and stormy?

It was feeling mis-thunder-stood

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Satolah
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
A weasel walks into a bar . The bartender says, β€œWow, I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?”

β€œPop”, goes the weasel.

πŸ‘︎ 128
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iTrip-
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What does Thor wear under his trousers?

Thunder-wear

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xone01
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Risky Dad Joke: My wife said the stretch marks on her legs looked like lightning bolts...

So I said, that's because you have thunder thighs.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EricTheReddit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2014
🚨︎ report
Why is Seattle mad that they lost their NBA team?

OKC may have stolen the Thunder, but Seattle's still got the Storm.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sedatedxsecure
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
There's a little known country in central Europe that is ruled by a monarchy...

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this small state is only known for a single export. Thanks to their proximity to some of the finest gold and other metals in the world but total lack of an ability to process those metals on a mass scale, they have been left with only one option. You know the saying; when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Make lemonade they did. This tiny territory is renowned for creating the highest quality watches in the world. No expense is spared and their elite group of craftsmen train for their entire lives from childhood to produce these terrific timepieces. Men of great wealth and taste have been known to trade entire fortunes for just a single one of these watches; that is how valuable they are.

The

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2016
🚨︎ report
I hate my parents

Im a smart 15yo boy, just trying to invent a machine that can direct thunder where I want.

I got grounded

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombiesAtHome
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
🚨︎ report
What shorts do clouds wear?

Thunder wear.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thatindiandood
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
A man rides a horse into town...

He gets off the horse and loudly exclaims "I am Thor!"

To which one of the towns people reply "That's because you forgot your thaddle thilly."

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Prefectionist_
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2016
🚨︎ report
During this lighting storm, my 9 year old daughter got me...

It's raining really bad right now (we live in Florida). There's rain, thunder & lighting. I was in my bedroom when we hear a loud thunder clap. I heard my daughter scream & I instinctively ran to her room. She sees me, starts to laugh & says "daddy, I wasn't that scared". I reply "sorry baby, I was just checking". She goes "I'm ok, it just shocked me" & then laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BXRomeo8586
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
🚨︎ report
Studying for my MCAT when I came across this passage in Verbal.

I have written this book to sweep away all misunderstandings about the crafty art of punnery and to convince you that the pun is well worth celebrating.... After all, the pun is mightier than the sword, and these days you are much more likely to run into a pun than into a sword. [A pun is a witticism involving the playful use of a word in different senses, or of words which differ in meaning but sound alike.]

Scoffing at puns seems to be a conditioned reflex, and through the centuries a steady barrage of libel and slander has been aimed at the practice of punning. Nearly three hundred years ago John Dennis sneered, β€œA pun is the lowest form of wit,” a charge that has been butted and rebutted by a mighty line of pundits and punheads.

Henry Erskine, for example, has protested that if a pun is the lowest form of wit, β€œIt is, therefore, the foundation of all wit.” Oscar Levant has added a tag line: β€œA pun is the lowest form of humorβ€”when you don’t think of it first.” John Crosbie and Bob

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zil2mz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
🚨︎ report
The Menopause

My dad just cracked this great one

> Mum: You men don't know what it's like going through the menopause

This is when he looks at me and tells me to stop what I'm doing and stand completely still, he leaves me like this for about 5 seconds before going

> Dad: There we've been through the menopause, men are paused.

He walked off chuckling to himself leaving my mum with a face of thunder.

πŸ‘︎ 164
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Crunshy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2014
🚨︎ report
Classic dad toilet joke

Went to use a public toilet and there was a father and his young son using the urinal, after the dad finished his business he let a fart rip (as you do).

His young son got a bit of a shock and asked, 'what was that?!', to which the father smugly replied 'can't have rain without thunder!'.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grunyonz
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Coming Down the Stairs

The son came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance.
So he said, he said, "How many more times have I got to tell you to come down the stairs quietly? Now, go back up and come down like a civilized human being."
There was a silence, and the son reappeared in the front room. So his father said, he said, "That's better. Now will you always come down stairs like that."
So the son said, he said, "Suits me - I slid down the bannister."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlTebehalah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad and steamed fish (not really a dad joke; just my dad's thing)

Chinese dude here.

Every time we have dinner with extended family, we'll have a whole steamed fish as one of the courses.

My dad will usually be the person to cut up and distribute the fish among the family.

Every time he does that, he'll use the spoon and fork to make the fish mouth "thunder, thunder, THUNDERCATS! HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" before cutting up the fish followed by this shit-eating grin around the table. No one above the age of 14 laughs.

The younger cousins find this funny and that's probably why my dad keeps doing it every freaking time.

Just my dad's thing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MechBear
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2014
🚨︎ report
What does Thor wear under his trousers?

Thunder-wear

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.