My five year old daughter, wearing a Sleeping Beauty dress, casually playing with Legos: "ROAR ROAR ROARRRR!"

Me: "Are you roaring at me or is that a Lego monster?"

Her: "Its me."

Me: "Why are you roaring at me?"

Her: "Because I'm Aurora!"

My five year old daughter, everyone. She came up with that on her own. I've never felt more proud!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/someredditorguy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Why does the ocean roar?

You’d roar too if you had crabs on your bottom!

-Every time my grandpa saw the ocean.

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GunslingerMykul
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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What happens when a lion roars 3 times?

Movie starts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/louisarmstrong880
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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The lions roar was so big that when I compressed it , it turned out to be a " .Rawr " file.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jizzler_Rage_792
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
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Roar
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheStriker111
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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So the house cats went to the tigers engagement party.

The tigers were having a great time, roaring, baring teeth and in general having a great time. The cats were sitting quietly off to the side. The tigers asked the cats, β€œWhy so quiet ? Don’t you like to have some boisterous fun ?” The cats replied, β€œOh yes, we used to be tigers too. Until we got married.”

PS. (This sounded way better when my friend told me in the original Malayalam language slang poocha-pulee)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vinospam
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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A dad and his son are out camping when they hear a loud roar outside their tent.

Scrambling, they look outside and see a bear, standing on its hind legs.

"Roar!" the bear growls.

They begin to run away into the woods, but the bear doesn't give chase. In fact, it's still standing there, looking at the tent.

"Roar!" the bear growls.

They stop and watch but it just keeps standing there. They inch closer, but no reaction.

"Roar!" the bear growls.

They summon up all their courage and approach to within inches. No reaction.

"Roar!" the bear growls.

"I think this bear might be broken," observes the son.

The dad nods. "I think that bear's repeating."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whomikehidden
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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What do you call a tyrannosaurus that doesn't roar or stomp?

A subtlety rex.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
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Sea Captain

A sea captain hunted for his white whale for decades. When he finally came upon it, a storm roared to life and began to toss his ship to and fro. A cannon came loose and crushed his leg.

He got the whale, and left behind a legacy.

((Work in progress. Just came to me during a conversation over a game of cards. Feedback welcome.))

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCVisNih
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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'Where is Mars, by Jupiter?!' roared the Roman astronomer.

His colleague said, 'yes'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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Have you been to the cafe that's owned and operated by T-Rexes?

The food is good but the service is slow. They're always short handed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nyquill81
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2017
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A teenager's car won't start out at the mall one night

He tries everything he knows to do, but finally calls his father for help.

Mom and Dad come up to mall parking lot, dad gets into the car, turns the key once, and the engine roars to life.

The teenager is shocked at how easy it was.

"Dad! What did you do differently? I tried everything!"

"It was easy son. I'm wearing my cargo shorts."

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ezra611
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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There's a little known country in central Europe that is ruled by a monarchy...

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this small state is only known for a single export. Thanks to their proximity to some of the finest gold and other metals in the world but total lack of an ability to process those metals on a mass scale, they have been left with only one option. You know the saying; when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Make lemonade they did. This tiny territory is renowned for creating the highest quality watches in the world. No expense is spared and their elite group of craftsmen train for their entire lives from childhood to produce these terrific timepieces. Men of great wealth and taste have been known to trade entire fortunes for just a single one of these watches; that is how valuable they are.

The king knows this and he knows that only a small portion of his populace can ever hope to become one of the respected elite, let alone hold one of their masterpieces in their own hands. Being a very just and fair man, the king ordered the most senior watchmaker in the land to create something the likes of which had never been seen. A watch of such great craftsmanship so as to be above monetary value. The man labored long and hard for many nights to produce the king's watch. When he at last presented the completed work to his lord - in front of the entire nation, no less - he was met with thunderous applause and a warm embrace. He had done it! The king then made a shocking announcement.

"This masterpiece belongs to my people!"

When the roaring of the crowd died down he continued.

"This watch shall be a symbol of my love for all of you. Though I rule over you with supreme authority I do not wish a single one of you to feel that you do not have a voice in the ruling of this nation. From this day on let anyone who doubts my decisions or questions my judgment wear this watch and stand as my equal to voice their concerns. Should even a single one of you think me unfair or wrong in any matter then simply come to my castle and I will present you this token of good faith."

The king made good on his word and from that day on all citizens knew they held the right to challenge their king's rulings. Over time the watch became a symbol of fairness throughout the land. Anyone who wore it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2016
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What is Gordon Ramsay's favourite part of a Lion?

It's ROAR

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimbobobaboBob
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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My dad at the fair when he was younger... he was destined to be a dad.

After winning a live fish at the fair, my dad and his friends go out for dinner.

Dad: Do you serve fish here?

Waiter: Yes.

Dad: Ok great, (holds up fish) he'll have the steak.

πŸ‘︎ 848
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2014
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If a lion could play d&d, which class would he pick?

A sorce-roar!

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arrenlex
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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T-Rexes hunting for dinner

This is my dad's favorite dad joke.

A teenage T-Rex named Maynard and his father were out looking for dinner.

"Oh hey, dad! Look! A stegosaurus! That'd be good!"

"My Maynard son, no. That would be so hard to chew. There's so much armor there."

A little while later:

"Dad, check it. A big old nest of Pteranadons! Chicken tonight!"

"No, my Maynard son. They would fly too fast, and we cannot reach up there with our arms."

Finally, "Dad! Dad! Check it out! A herd of brontosaurus! It'd be so easy!"

"No, my Maynard son. Brontosaurus ribs take a long time to properly age before they're good eating. Everyone knows this."

The teenage T-Rex stomped and roared, "Daaad, what are we doing? There's stuff right here to eat! What the hell are you looking for, anyway?"

The elder T-Rex shook his head and said, "Carrion, my Maynard son."

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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What’s the difference between a lion with a thorn in its paw and a rainy day?

One roars with pain and the other pours with rain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeplinehord
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
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I wrote all my jokes down and threw them into the fire!

It roared

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhilipMyglAss
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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How can lions see themselves

They let out a mere roar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coz-Man
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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Monster meat

How do monsters like their steak cooked?

Medium Roar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pebkak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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A mouse walks up to a watering hole in the jungle and shouts, "Hippo! You get out of the water!"

The hippo gets out and the mouse says, "Fine, you can get back in!"

He shouts at the elephant, "Hey chubby! Get out the water!"

The elephant gets out and the mouse says, "Ok, you can get back in."

The mouse does this to a gorilla, giraffe and rhino as well.

Finally, the lion snaps and roars, "What's your problem mouse!?"

The mouse says, "I wanted to see which one of you stole my trunks!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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There once was a black dog of age four...

Who could fly like the wind with a roar
A pup asked one day
β€˜Why are you this way’
He was a labracadabrador

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CVSSR
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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Dad made a speech at my wedding. He said this advice to over 300 people...

"Son, if you're going to argue, argue naked".

The reception erupted in claps and roaring laughter. I will remember that advice for the rest of my life.

Thank you dad for that wonderful memory.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bourbondioxide
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
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A guy goes to his school dance...

...He could hear from the music and the roar of all the people, it sounded like it was going to be a lot of fun so he got in line to buy a ticket. Once inside he ran into Sally, whom he'd had a massive crush on since grade 3, seven long years ago. They danced up a storm all night, and he felt like tonight was going to "end well". 10 or 15 songs later they had worked up quite a thirst. They meandered over to the drink table and asked the guy in front of them if this was the line to get a drink, and he replied "That's right, this is the punchline".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanadianGuy116
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2013
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What did the lion do when it saw a reflection of itself?

It mir-roared

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SauceMaster6464
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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I went to the supermarket this morning, my wife said bear with me

I said ROAR!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Gwop
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
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Everytime I enter an Aldi store

"Look at AL-DI's groceries!"

Then I wait 10 seconds for the roar of laughter and applause to begin.

Even better, when walking by the nuts

"Look at AL-DI's nuts!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/contraaa
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2013
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The Coffin

My dad told me this spooky Halloween story when I was young, I remembered it today and thought I would share it:

On one spooky Halloween night, a man decided to travel to the graveyard all by himself, armed with only a flashlight, and a thirst for adventure. He scoured the graveyard in search of ghosts, but after a long time searching, was disappointed that he couldn’t find one.

Just when he was beginning to get disheartened, he heard this awful sound from behind! The sound was deep, scratchy, and bellowing. It was the distinct sound of a coffin! The man was terrified. Naturally, he took off running! But No matter how far or fast he ran, he couldn’t escape the coffin. Everywhere he went, the coffin roared, deep, scratchy, and bellowing.

Just when he could run no more, he found himself trapped. The coffin closed in on him, getting louder and louder as it approached.

So what did he do?

He did what any man would do in this situation! He pulled out his Vick’s 44d cough syrup and stopped that awful coffin!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/calebrockinout1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
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Some people get really scared in the lion house at the zoo.

It's a real Roar-Shack test.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/osxpert
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2016
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Dad joked my students while I was student teaching

I asked the class if they knew which was the last war the U.S. officially had declared as a war.

Students threw out a few wrong answers, none more egregious than when I hear

Student: Syria!

Me: Syria?! Are you Ser-i-ous?!

I roared with laughter. I got a couple giggles from the students.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bad_Stever
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
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I was with my dad and he insisted he was batman

He said: "I'm batman, hear me roar!" and proceeded to screech like a bat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ErcBert
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
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My uncle told me this one

Two men are walking in the jungle when suddenly one has to poop. He tells his friend and the friend says he has to go too. Of course there are many dangerous animals in the jungle so they are scared of going alone. Then the first man suggests that they get some leaves and squat back to back so they can keep an eye out. The second man agrees with him. While they are pooping a lion's roar erupts from the trees. The first man speaks

"You're sacred aren't you"

The a a second man not wanting to seem like a coward says no.

The first man says

"Then would you mind wiping your own ass"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoolAsACucumber
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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Dinner discussion took a turn today...

My family was discussing the pros and cons of flavoured water nutritional value

[Mom]: So what is sodium?

[Bro]: Its a salt.

[Dad]: No, that's when a bad guy beats up an old lady.

stunned silence as me and Dad roar with laughter.

Took mom and bro 5 mins to get the joke.... I'm on this thread too much.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NuclearGlider
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2014
🚨︎ report
Why does the ocean roar?

You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nothowimeantthat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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Why does the ocean roar?

You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/James-Kinley
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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