There was a guy named Allen Thunder, he had a son Ben

What's special about Ben?

Well, just borrow his truck... now you have Ben Thunder's truck.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chx_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 10 2021
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Greys of Thunder.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 07 2021
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What did the Norse god of thunder say after biting his tongue during an intense weight-lifting session?

Man, I'm thor.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jfshay
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 08 2020
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If the God of Thunder was actually the God of Melting Ice...

... Would he be called Thaw?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/505UsernameNotFound
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 12 2020
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A queen heard thunder and asked one of her servants what was that sound?

The servant said lightning McQueen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/1273_time
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 11 2020
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What's worse than raining cats and dogs ?

Hailing taxis.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 213
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2020
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What comes before thunder and knows its manners?

A polightning

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kaze_no_saga
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2020
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What kind of alert do the police put out when someone steals your fire?

An ember alert.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wash_guy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2021
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What do clouds wear underneath their pants?

Thunderwear... With a silver lining

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/onetwopi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 22 2021
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The God of Thunder went into real estate.

He's quite the realthor.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2019
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I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now
πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kr4zyy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2020
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What's the only STD Zeus can get?

The thunder clap.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Itsabeanburrito
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 19 2021
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What does a heavy rain cloud wear underneath?

Thunder-wear

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bunkabaab
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 19 2021
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How does the God of Thunder feel after a particularly intense workout?

Thor.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Perrin42
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 10 2019
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What do clouds wear under their shorts?

Thunderpants!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/__just_a_boi__
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 23 2020
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Why did the god of thunder drink water?

Because he was thorsty.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WafflesGaming
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 08 2018
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I did the Macarena, the Mashed Potato, the Funky Chicken and had my young daughter absolutely rolling over with laughter. My wife had a face like thunder though and hissed…

"Get off my mother's grave, NOW!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2019
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Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?

The scientists were brainstorming.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HalalPork97
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02 2019
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What happened when the Norse God of Thunder dropped his hammer on his hand?

He had a Thor Thumb.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 03 2018
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How do lighting bolts laugh?

They crack up

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xx420mcyoloswag
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2020
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There’s this song about thunder on the radio

It’s taking the world by storm! (Help me)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Toby1kenobi94
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 10 2018
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The god of thunder got hit by a truck

He must be Mighty Thor.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheRainstormer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 11 2018
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What did the thunder god have a lot of during puberty?

Thormones

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hgrossmann21
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 31 2018
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Why didnt Captain America lift Thor’s hammer untill he needed to?

He didn’t want to steal his thunder

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Parkwad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 29 2020
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How can you tell when the God of Thunder has been doing Addition?

It's easy: it stands out like a Thor Sum.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Kuhnaydeein
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 10 2015
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I took my 1 year old to the ER with the flu. As the nurse was taking her temperature rectally with the thermometer in the butt, he sympathized with her misery by saying β€œI know, it stinks.”

To which I responded β€œIt certainly will when you take it out.” I accepted the long awkward silence that followed as thunderous applause.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Khoalb
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 30 2020
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What happens when Thor breaks wind

There’s thunder down under

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/seatheous
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 27 2020
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A weasel walks into a bar . The bartender says, β€œWow, I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?”

β€œPop”, goes the weasel.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 127
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iTrip-
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 02 2019
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Queen must be afraid of Thor

Because thunder and lightning, very very frightening.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Pepperono-boi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2020
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Risky Dad Joke: My wife said the stretch marks on her legs looked like lightning bolts...

So I said, that's because you have thunder thighs.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EricTheReddit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 10 2014
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Why was the cloud so dark and stormy?

It was feeling mis-thunder-stood

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Satolah
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 21 2020
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What does Thor wear under his trousers?

Thunder-wear

πŸ‘οΈŽ 60
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xone01
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 22 2019
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There's a little known country in central Europe that is ruled by a monarchy...

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this small state is only known for a single export. Thanks to their proximity to some of the finest gold and other metals in the world but total lack of an ability to process those metals on a mass scale, they have been left with only one option. You know the saying; when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Make lemonade they did. This tiny territory is renowned for creating the highest quality watches in the world. No expense is spared and their elite group of craftsmen train for their entire lives from childhood to produce these terrific timepieces. Men of great wealth and taste have been known to trade entire fortunes for just a single one of these watches; that is how valuable they are.

The king knows this and he knows that only a small portion of his populace can ever hope to become one of the respected elite, let alone hold one of their masterpieces in their own hands. Being a very just and fair man, the king ordered the most senior watchmaker in the land to create something the likes of which had never been seen. A watch of such great craftsmanship so as to be above monetary value. The man labored long and hard for many nights to produce the king's watch. When he at last presented the completed work to his lord - in front of the entire nation, no less - he was met with thunderous applause and a warm embrace. He had done it! The king then made a shocking announcement.

"This masterpiece belongs to my people!"

When the roaring of the crowd died down he continued.

"This watch shall be a symbol of my love for all of you. Though I rule over you with supreme authority I do not wish a single one of you to feel that you do not have a voice in the ruling of this nation. From this day on let anyone who doubts my decisions or questions my judgment wear this watch and stand as my equal to voice their concerns. Should even a single one of you think me unfair or wrong in any matter then simply come to my castle and I will present you this token of good faith."

The king made good on his word and from that day on all citizens knew they held the right to challenge their king's rulings. Over time the watch became a symbol of fairness throughout the land. Anyone who wore it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘οΈŽ 88
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IAMA_DragonSlayerAMA
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 06 2016
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Why is Seattle mad that they lost their NBA team?

OKC may have stolen the Thunder, but Seattle's still got the Storm.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sedatedxsecure
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 11 2019
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A man rides a horse into town...

He gets off the horse and loudly exclaims "I am Thor!"

To which one of the towns people reply "That's because you forgot your thaddle thilly."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Prefectionist_
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 07 2016
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I hate my parents

Im a smart 15yo boy, just trying to invent a machine that can direct thunder where I want.

I got grounded

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ZombiesAtHome
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 16 2018
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Studying for my MCAT when I came across this passage in Verbal.

I have written this book to sweep away all misunderstandings about the crafty art of punnery and to convince you that the pun is well worth celebrating.... After all, the pun is mightier than the sword, and these days you are much more likely to run into a pun than into a sword. [A pun is a witticism involving the playful use of a word in different senses, or of words which differ in meaning but sound alike.]

Scoffing at puns seems to be a conditioned reflex, and through the centuries a steady barrage of libel and slander has been aimed at the practice of punning. Nearly three hundred years ago John Dennis sneered, β€œA pun is the lowest form of wit,” a charge that has been butted and rebutted by a mighty line of pundits and punheads.

Henry Erskine, for example, has protested that if a pun is the lowest form of wit, β€œIt is, therefore, the foundation of all wit.” Oscar Levant has added a tag line: β€œA pun is the lowest form of humorβ€”when you don’t think of it first.” John Crosbie and Bob Davies have responded to Dennis with hot, cross puns: β€œ...If someone complains that punning is the lowest form of humor you can tell them that poetry is verse.”

Samuel Johnson, the eighteenth century self-appointed custodian of the English language, once thundered, β€œTo trifle with the vocabulary which is the vehicle of social intercourse is to tamper with the currency of human intelligence. He who would violate the sanctities of his mother tongue would invade the recesses of the national till without remorse... ”

Joseph Addison pronounced that the seeds of punning are in the minds of all men, and tho’ they may be subdued by reason, reflection, and good sense, they will be very apt to shoot up in the greatest genius, that which is not broken and cultivated by the rules of art.

Far from being invertebrate, the inveterate punster is a brave entertainer. He or she loves to create a three-ring circus of words: words clowning, words teetering on tightropes, words swinging from tent tops, words thrusting their head into the mouths of lions. Punnery can be highly entertaining, but it is always a risky business. The humor can fall on its face, it can lose its balance and plunge into the sawdust, or it can be decapitated by the snapping shut of jaws. While circus performers often receive laughter or applause for their efforts, punsters often draw an obligatory groan for theirs. But the fact that most people groan at, rather than laugh at, puns doesn’t mean that the punnery isn’t fu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zil2mz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 11 2014
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During this lighting storm, my 9 year old daughter got me...

It's raining really bad right now (we live in Florida). There's rain, thunder & lighting. I was in my bedroom when we hear a loud thunder clap. I heard my daughter scream & I instinctively ran to her room. She sees me, starts to laugh & says "daddy, I wasn't that scared". I reply "sorry baby, I was just checking". She goes "I'm ok, it just shocked me" & then laughed.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BXRomeo8586
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 31 2016
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The Menopause

My dad just cracked this great one

> Mum: You men don't know what it's like going through the menopause

This is when he looks at me and tells me to stop what I'm doing and stand completely still, he leaves me like this for about 5 seconds before going

> Dad: There we've been through the menopause, men are paused.

He walked off chuckling to himself leaving my mum with a face of thunder.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 165
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Crunshy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2014
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Classic dad toilet joke

Went to use a public toilet and there was a father and his young son using the urinal, after the dad finished his business he let a fart rip (as you do).

His young son got a bit of a shock and asked, 'what was that?!', to which the father smugly replied 'can't have rain without thunder!'.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/grunyonz
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 08 2014
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Coming Down the Stairs

The son came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance.
So he said, he said, "How many more times have I got to tell you to come down the stairs quietly? Now, go back up and come down like a civilized human being."
There was a silence, and the son reappeared in the front room. So his father said, he said, "That's better. Now will you always come down stairs like that."
So the son said, he said, "Suits me - I slid down the bannister."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AlTebehalah
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2014
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My dad and steamed fish (not really a dad joke; just my dad's thing)

Chinese dude here.

Every time we have dinner with extended family, we'll have a whole steamed fish as one of the courses.

My dad will usually be the person to cut up and distribute the fish among the family.

Every time he does that, he'll use the spoon and fork to make the fish mouth "thunder, thunder, THUNDERCATS! HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" before cutting up the fish followed by this shit-eating grin around the table. No one above the age of 14 laughs.

The younger cousins find this funny and that's probably why my dad keeps doing it every freaking time.

Just my dad's thing.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MechBear
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 17 2014
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You know what's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxis!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/onetwopi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 11 2020
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What does Thor wear under his trousers?

Thunder-wear

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 13 2019
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