Last night I accidentally superglued my thumb and forefinger together...
But donβt worry...it will be ok. ππ»
π︎ 537
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︎ Nov 14 2020
What has two thumbs and won't let them go?
My kid
Seriously, give me back my thumbs
π︎ 11
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︎ Jan 08 2021
What did the thumb say to the finger?
π︎ 8
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︎ Dec 29 2020
Why do beginner artist always forget to draw the stick figureβs thumb when they draw a fist?
They forgot the punchline
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 27 2020
What do you call a Judge with no thumbs?
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 21 2020
I like having opposable thumbs.
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 07 2020
This makes me want to get a green thumb
π︎ 81
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︎ Jun 24 2020
I don't have a green thumb...
Both of mine are pinkish.
π︎ 9
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︎ May 28 2020
I just accidentally super-glued my thumb and index finger together!! At first, I started to panic, but then I remembered that...
...itβs always going to be okay...
π︎ 10
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︎ May 16 2020
Thumb Drive
π︎ 34
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︎ Oct 10 2019
Recently broke my thumb, I asked the nurse if Iβd be able to play the piano?
She said I would
I said thatβs good I couldnβt play it before.
π︎ 194
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︎ Jul 09 2019
Sticking out like a sore thumb
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 28 2019
Guess who has 7 thumbs and just got fired from the morgue?
π︎ 25
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︎ Nov 15 2019
I won a thumb at a lisp competition, but lost it soon after.
You win thumb, you lose thumb.
π︎ 46
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︎ Nov 25 2019
A βthumbβ drive
π︎ 161
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︎ Jan 09 2019
My proctologist gave me two thumbs up ...
Which I really didn't appreciate.
π︎ 66
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︎ Nov 27 2019
Why do my fingers refuse to agree with my thumbs?
Because my thumbs are opposable.
π︎ 8
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︎ Feb 04 2020
Daughter: Dad, how thick do you think a giantβs thumb would be?
Me: iβd say itβll be gigan-thick!
π︎ 9
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︎ Dec 19 2019
How do you reattach a severed thumb?
π︎ 19
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︎ Jun 24 2019
My brother lost his favorite thumb ring and was really upset about it.
I told him, "Don't worry, we know it's thumb-wear!"
π︎ 5
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︎ Jun 20 2019
My left thumb doesnβt agree with my right thumbβs political views.
π︎ 14
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︎ Aug 31 2019
This is one my 7 year old son said to me... I had a closed fist up to my face with my little finger extended and picking food out of my teeth. My thumb was also extended out. He looked at me and with a smirk on his face said to me...
π︎ 23
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︎ Mar 17 2019
What do drunken astronauts and a typist's thumbs have in common?
They both hang around the space bar!
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 27 2019
I use my index finger as a rule of thumb.
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 30 2019
A guy I know injured his thumb and his fingers started aching in sympathy the next day.
They were brothers in arm.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jun 23 2019
Guess who's got 3 thumbs and can't count
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 05 2019
Knowing the measurement from the tip of your thumb to the tip of your pinky finger is pretty handy.
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 18 2019
I've been getting the bus to work since I dislocated my thumb and today was my first day cycling again. I was a little nervous...
But thankfully it was just like riding a bike!
π︎ 6
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︎ Jan 21 2019
When Ancient Greeks used to mix the clay for their dwellings a rule of thumb was to mix it until it was the texture of Hummus before putting it on the interior walls
Itβs quite well known that the Ancient Greeks championed Hummus Texturality
π︎ 2
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︎ May 02 2019
Made a shirt out of thumb tacks because I wanted to look sharp...
But everyone said it was tacky.
π︎ 13
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︎ Jun 28 2018
I always think the thumb is on the left side...
on the other hand, it might be on the right side.
π︎ 137
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︎ May 23 2016
The first time I saw a person with an extra thumb, I was horrified.
π︎ 8
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︎ Oct 19 2018
When a dictator gives you a thumbs up or thumbs down
itβs just a rule of thumb
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 30 2018
My wife left me because of my fat thumbs.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jun 02 2018
Wife is sick and has a cut on her thumb...
She said, "Man, this thumb can't catch a break.."
I said, "What can it catch? A cold?"
π︎ 4
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︎ Jun 16 2018
What did Jesus Christ say when he hit his thumb with a hammer?
π︎ 7
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︎ Jun 01 2017
Two thumbs up for the handiest prosthetic I've ever seen!
Said to my kids after showing them this:
https://www.theverge.com/circuitbreaker/2017/7/6/15927362/3d-printed-prosthetic-third-thumb-dani-clode
...which is just plain awesome regardless!
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 06 2017
In drivers ed my teacher raised his arm above his head, and in his hand was a thumb tack.
He asks the class, "what does this mean", while still holding the thumb tack above his head. We sit there puzzled for a moment until he says "It means I'm under a tack."
π︎ 50
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︎ Oct 30 2013
I just accidentally superglued my thumb and index finger together, and at first I started to panicβ¦
But then I remembered that itβs always going to be okay.
π︎ 13
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︎ Jul 25 2019
Iβd give having opposable thumbs, two thumbs up.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jun 02 2019
I just accidentally superglued my thumb & index finger together, and at first I started to panic...
but then I remembered that itβs always going to be okay.
π︎ 52
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︎ Jan 02 2018
What do you call a judge with no thumbs?
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 22 2019
I always think my thumb is on the left side
On the other hand, it might be on the right
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 28 2016
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