The Valley Puns

a week on each hill.

No Whey, Jose!

...I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps!

"I've eaten herbivore."

Because the mountains were hill areas.

it was HILL AREAS!!

Facebrook

A new tomb has been discovered in the valley of the kings, Egypt. The grave goods seem to consist purely of ancient chocolate and nuts. Apparently, the tomb belonged to the 'Pharaoh Rocher'.

You are under my toot-elage. (Or: I am your toot-or.)

Bonus joke: If we fart together in the Valley of the Kings, we have a toot-in-common (Tutankhamun).

About halfway through the valley, drumbeats started rolling from the mountains around them. Everyone in the party was confused, but the local guides started to panic.

"We HAVE to get out of here by sundown, OR ELSE".

The explorer orders his men to pick up the pace, and keep moving. A couple hours later, The drums start beating more and more frantically. Again, the guides say: "Keep moving, WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE".

A bit later, the men hear horns echoing from the hills.

The explorer asks his guides: "what was that?"

They respond: "theres no time, we need to be out BEFORE SUNDOWN, we only have a few hours!!!".

Exasperated, the explorer asks "Why? What could be so urgent? And why do we have to get out by sundown?".

The guides reply, "at sundown, the bagpipe solo starts!"

I just took my family to the Loire Valley for vacation (I live in Luxembourg, so it was just a road trip). My wife was interested in visiting a vineyard and trying out some local wine.

We asked at our hotel for recommendations. My wife looked over the brochures and complained that they were all in the neighboring town of Chinon.

She wondered if the hotel was getting kickbacks or something.

Me: "I call Chinon-agins!"

They looked at the valley below, they were gonna build a village and start new lives there.

One settler said to another: "This going to be our damm nation."

Dad: Yeah, it's all the silicone pipes in the bathroom (renovating bathroom, working on it) Me: Ah, makes sense

Dad: Just Imagine how bad Silicone Valley smells

He just laid that one on me not too long ago

My brother texted our family group chat with a photo of a KFC in the background and a chicken in the foreground. There was some writing about "walking through the valley of shadow and death etc"

My dad replies "that's a-boc-alyptic"

I will meet you in the valley.

There's a church in the country that is looking for a bell ringer for church on Sundays. A guy comes in for the job but he has no arms. The priest says "How are you going to ring the bell with no arms?"

"Come up in the bell tower with me and I'll show you."

The priest figures he'll humor him so when they get up there the backs all the way up to one side and runs full force into the side of the bell sending a "BONG" across the valley. The priest is so impressed he hires him. That Sunday the time comes and our bell ringer is all ready, backed into the corner. Runs full force and slips at the last minute falling to his death 100 feet below. A detective comes to investigate so the priest tells him the whole story. "We have to notify his next of kin, do you know his name?"

"No, but his face rings a bell."

The church now has to replace this guy so another guy comes in and coincidence of coincidences, he has no arms either. Same method of ringing the bell. Same accident. "Do you know his name?"

"No, but he's a dead ringer for the other guy."

"Hey Robosho, did you know that there was a major crime today in the Central Valley (California, all this part is true). The thieves got away with stealing over 400,000 dollars worth of walnuts"

Then he added, "yea, the cops called it a real nutcase"

And with a huge grin on his face, he ended , "I made that last part up"

Today in History Class, we were learning about FDR's New Deal, and my teacher brought up the Tennessee Valley Authority (TVA), which was part of FDR's many public works programs, this one being responsible for damming the Tennessee River for hydroelectric power, and the controversies surrounding it.

In response, I rose my hand and said, "Wow, the TVA must have caused alot of dam controversy."

Laughs were had by all, including the teacher.