Seems the Weekend had compete creative control for the halftime special and brought in his own production team.

I guess Everybody's Working For the Weekend.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JBCrew614
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
A person was arrested at the special Olympics.

The person was unarmed.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrVegano
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, β€œDo you want to hear today’s special?”

I said, β€œYes please.”

Waiter: β€œNo problem sir. Today is special.”

Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I made a joke saying this Thanksgiving would be extra special because we'll be spreading around diseases like the original Thanksgiving. Someone told me "too soon".

They were right. I should have waited until next week.

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A β€˜divine’ healer in his β€˜miracle’ ministry called, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed for, please come forward to the front."

With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"

John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"

John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.

I think it was Scampoo.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deceze
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Upon seeing a gorgeous girl at the party, I knew I had to meet her. So I approached and told her about a special-purpose ship designed to move and navigate through frozen waters, and provide safe waterways for other boats and ships.

I've used it before and it works. It's the perfect icebreaker.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A priest in a big church in Paris has a job interview with a new bell ringer. The priest asks β€œwhy should I hire you?” The applicant responded β€œI have a special talent!”

β€œOh, and what is this special talent?” Asked the priest.

The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.

At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!

β€œYou’re hired!!” He exclaimed.

The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.

The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.

A bystander asked β€œwho is he?”

The priest responded β€œI don’t know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!”

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
So I go the butchers and there’s a special on. 8 legs of venison for Β£50.

Is that a good deal or is it just two deer?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CYBERSson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
🚨︎ report
The people who bought all the toilet paper are special!

They have the hoard immunity.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Pizza clerk: We have a special today - buy one pizza, get the second one free

Dad: Then we'll just have the second one !

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phish_tacos
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A snail went to a car dealership and bought the flashiest, fasted, most eye-catching car they had. The snail then special ordered β€œS”s to be printed all over the car. The salesman asked why all the β€œS”s, the snail replied:

When people watch me drive by they’ll say β€œLook at that S-car-go”

(A joke my dad told me many many years ago)

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FemaleDadClone
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
If you missed the special NYE this time, just wait for two years.

Because 2022 is 2020, too.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sobrasada1009
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into a coffee shop, goes the counter and asks, β€œSo what’s the special?” The barista shakes her head, β€œI can’t tell you, it’s a secret.”

The man frowns. β€œWhat do you mean it’s a secret? What’s the special today? Is it a latte?”

The barista shakes her head.

β€œA mocha?”

She shakes her head again.

β€œOh, come on! Tell me! A cappuccino?”

She shakes her head.

β€œAn affogato?”

She shakes her head.

The man is getting frustrated at this point. β€œCan you at least give me a clue!?”

The barista thinks for a moment, then points at a jar on the counter. β€œOk, the special is in this jar.”

β€œWhat is it?”

β€œI can’t tell you. It’s a secret.”

The man, enraged at this point, tries to grab the jar.

The barista grabs it too.

They fight for control and the man wretches it away only for the jar to fall on the ground and its contents spill out onto the floor.

The man stares, β€œIt’s just been normal coffee this whole time?!”

The barista shrugs, β€œI guess you spilled the beans.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the number two’s special day?

Tuesday (two’s day)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ikennaezeee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?

It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCovarr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What special dietary request did the vegan Silicon Valley tech nerd have for his artisan cheese order in the Whole Foods?

No Whey, Jose!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What is it called when a group of US special forces go out for the night?

Seal clubbing

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheViking289
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I let my buddy try these special glasses that let you visualize the words that come out of someone's mouth.

"Whoa", he replied, "I see what you're saying".

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Freestyle rap is being added as an event at the Special Olympics

It's a great way to showcase people with dis abilities.

πŸ‘︎ 151
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cactuar32
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2016
🚨︎ report
A Doctor always stopped at a local bar after work for a hazelnut daiquiri - a special drink the bartender created just for him.

One day, the bartender ran out of the hazelnut flavor so he substituted hickory nuts instead. The doctor took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, β€œthis isn’t a hazelnut daiquiri!”

β€œNo I’m sorry”, replied the bartender, β€œIt’s a hickory daiquiri, doc”

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dredgemate
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
🚨︎ report
One special birthday my father gave me a clock that had been running since the day of my birth.

I had the time of my life.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2018
🚨︎ report
A man went to a restaurant and asked what the special was...

The waiter responded, β€œCow tongue. It is very tender and has great flavor.”

The man was very upset and said, β€œThat’s disgusting. I’m not going to eat something that came out of a cow’s mouth! Give me two fried eggs instead!”

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/testmonkeyalpha
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Driving in the car and my Dad has suddenly just announced β€˜my nickname is Spider-Man. Not because I have any special powers, it’s because I can’t get out of the bath’.
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2017
🚨︎ report
Waiter: Our special of the day is beef tongue.

Customer: Ugh! I can’t eat anything out of an animal’s mouth. Give me a coupla eggs.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpecOpsAlpha
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2018
🚨︎ report
At Lowes today the intercom lady says β€œSpecial Assistance Needed in the Blind Cutting Area.”

insert your dad’s joke here.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Superd3n
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Was invited over to Corey Crawford's house for dinner with his dad. The food was nothing special...

...but still, there was the fodder, the son and the goalie host.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
🚨︎ report
The fast-food chicken place down the block is having a Hillary Clinton special - 5-piece meal for $5...

...two small breasts, two large thighs, and a left wing.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kempff
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2015
🚨︎ report
We all wonder what special knowledge you need to replace the great Dick Clark, but for now,

it's Ryan's Secrets

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
🚨︎ report
Went to a posh restaurant last night and the waiter asked if I wanted to hear the specials...

THIS TOWN AHHH AHHHH IS COMING LIKE A GHOST TOWN

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2015
🚨︎ report
At the library special collections desk, Dad needed to sign out for a rare book...

...and he had to use one of those pens on a chain. But he was standing too far away from its anchor and the chain didn't reach the signout form.

He looked up at the librarian and said,

> Do you have a pen with a longer chain?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kempff
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2014
🚨︎ report
My Dadbdropped this at lunch today. The special was fish.

"What did the fish say after the chef chopped off it's tail?"

"What dad?"

"He said, Call a Sturgeon! "

"Heh"

"Oh come on, you can laugh at least for the halibut"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geddycorn86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2014
🚨︎ report
Right after we sat down for dinner, the waiter said, β€œWould you like to hear today’s special?”

I said, β€œYes please, thanks.”

The waiter responded: Today is special.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report

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