The Gallery Puns

Nice touch.

Apparently, the robber stole some cash and a large frame, but as he was leaving he threw the large frame at a customer.

When the police showed up, the customer said,

“It wasn’t me! I’ve been framed!”

"Shooting isn't your cup of tea," he continued, "You better switch to archery."

They were framed.

Look at this photograph

Jenna Bush Hager interviews her dad (Bush 43) for an NBC special on the opening of his art exhibition at the Bush Presidential Library. About a minute in, he slips in a pretty good dad joke:

Jenna: Do these people know that you are painting them?

Bush: Sort of. There's no telling how these people are going to react. I think I told Tony [Blair] I was painting him and he sort of brushed it off.

Jenna: No 'art pun' intended.

Bush: That was definitely an art pun.

http://www.today.com/video/today/54864022#54864022

Edit: Grammar.

She seemed really, really scared. When I told her I couldn’t smell smoke, she showed me this picture: https://imgur.com/gallery/RbplooY, giggling like crazy.

Chip off the old block she is!

Edit: thank you so much for my first ever award!!!

It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.

... but have you heard of the https://imgur.com/gallery/4AoWzzB ?

He responded, “Aisle B, Back”

Edit: wow first silver!!!! Thank you 🙏🏾 anonymous Redditor!

Edit2: my wife doesn’t use reddit. She’s thoroughly enjoying the responses to the joke in the joke jar she created for me and the silver (“whatever those are”). Happy Father’s!

Edit3: https://imgur.com/gallery/5G25Flw wife got me a nice gift 🎁

But it was only temporary.

(I see that image posts aren't allowed in this sub but gosh darn it, I earned this one. I throw myself on your mercy, mods.)
(Edit: Amazing, thank you for the silver, gold, and the platinum reward of Reddit: long self referential chains of bad jokes.)

Guardians of the Galax-Zoey.

Since you can't post pics here for some reason (doesn't say anything about it in the rules as far as I can tell) here is a link.

https://imgur.com/gallery/SNde2aX

Today I found this one.

Edit: Wow, thanks for the positive responses. Here are some more notes from her. Thank you reddit, for making my girlfriend famous for a day, she quite enjoyed your comments after a hard day's work :)

http://imgur.com/gallery/3GUE8

This was a group text from me to both of the kids. The younger was born exactly nine months from the Tuesday in question. The older one responded with a thumbs down.

I texted my Dad a link to the initial headline. His response is in the link below.

http://imgur.com/gallery/cAM4mhO

https://imgur.com/gallery/P13MxpS

Me: Do you have the new Iron Maiden cd?

Employee: A Matter of Life and Death?

Me: No, it’s not that important

Edit: formatting

This year Was a symphony! We had aunts, and two grandmas join in for a seriously epic camel disaster for the kids to discover tomorrow. Feeling proud of my dad skills.

Photos here:

https://imgur.com/gallery/b8sILu3

Edit: the oldest is 5. We celebrated a day early so their aunt could be here. The real 3 kings day is tomorrow. Don’t tell the wise men!

Daughter was born at 8:08am yesterday. 7lbs, 1oz, 20" long. Dad, Mom and baby are doing great! Image

Edit - link formatting
Edit - My wife thinks the pic makes it look like she gave birth to Mother Teresa

https://m.imgur.com/gallery/OBGuaK7

I think making these is what powers him for the day:

Came through on my facebook... I apologize if it's a repost (I did a quick search and didnt see it)

THE WALKING DAD

Legally blind man sees for the first time in 20 years, dad joke ensues... http://imgur.com/gallery/IfQbYbx

There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.

He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.

One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.

Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was asked for his last meal.

"I'll have a banana," "Just a single banana?" said the perplexed guard. "The warden will grant you a feast and all you want is that?"

"Just a single banana." he said.

After he downed the fruit, he was strapped into the electric chair an hour later.... The warden hit the switch, lights flickered, and the crackle of electricity could be heard for over a minute...

...but our train jockey instead rose from the chair looking more like he got a stiff massage, rather than be put to death! Well in that nation, the law of the land states that if a man somehow survives being put to death, they must be set free...

...And so it came to pass that our engineer was let go...

And for whatever reason, he got his job back!

So he was back railroading again doing the job that he loved. You'd think he'd have been more cautious with this second chance he'd been given, but you'd also be wrong. Speedy Gonzales with a train license decided to gun his locomotive to hard and send it off the tracks again!

Of course, this time he was tried for the same crime, but at a different time (his was a fair commonwealth and double indemnity was simply unheard of!) So fair was their nation, that the jury came up with the same judgement and punishment. So three days later, when asked for his last meal, the engineer simply said "I'll have 2 bananas..."

Not less than 60 minutes after consuming the last morsel was he strapped into the chair and the switch thrown... And....

NOTHING.

All hail the knights of the periodic table! https://imgur.com/gallery/zbX9y

Based on a half-baked "hope you never split" joke, my husband decided to buy this blank monkey-themed card to go along with a wedding present, and now I've been tasked with writing the content. Any suggestions?

My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it.

We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.

Sorry if this is a repeat, I'd never seen it on here.

Here's the image I came across.

Mouse in the kitchen https://imgur.com/gallery/giEua

The shirt says "Something Wong? Call an Ambulance."

https://imgur.com/gallery/9hZWq

My dad sent this to me in email. The subject was: "Live from the Met"

http://imgur.com/gallery/oJqXVkJ

Me: "Dad, I want to see the Vangogh gallery."

Dad: "Van-go? I'd rather Van-stay here!"

One of the galleries had an air conditioner in it. I pointed to it and said "I like this piece, it's very cool."
She groaned and slapped me for it.

Both my co-worker and I are artists, we tend to spend our lunches talking about painting and classes.

Yesterday we got on the subject of Painting Elephant Galleries (it's a thing people!) when another co-worker appeared to get bored of our conversation and tried to change the subject;

His response was to quickly follow up her tangent with "Well, that's completely Irrelephant"

Not from my father, from me, as a father of three. I've kept a large plastic frog in the freezer. He's large, inconvenient and gets in the way every time I stock the freezer. But, I've kept him there for 15 years for a Dad Joke that still makes me laugh every time.

Someone: Why do you keep a frog in the freezer? Me: Because if I kept him in the oven he'd melt.

Meet Freezer Frog: http://imgur.com/gallery/YSzX1HK/

Here are a few of my peanut gallery comments to pass the time....

"I'm going to open my own wedding dress store. It's going to be called 'The Tulle Shop'".

"TLC is coming out with a new show that's about buying underwear. It's called 'Say Ja To The Bra'".

"What type of wedding dress did the future wife of the New York Yankee buy? A ball gown."

Indian-themed weddings are also a gold mine because of the "sari" dress. Too many to list here. Stuff along the lines of "I feel sari she has to pick between those two dresses". "She'll be sari if she doesn't pick that dress."....the list goes on and on...

I recently found out it's easy to take our doors off their hinges and felt the need to make this joke. http://imgur.com/gallery/qQNlty7

My dad and his fellow dad friends will just put a string of dad jokes on every status they each post. It's like they have a secret agreement to support each other by commenting these things.

http://imgur.com/gallery/eRIokiz

(My dad is the Doug guy)

We were at the art museum and I wanted to see vangogh so I say to my dad:

Me: "Do you want to come to the Vangogh gallery with me?"

Dad: "Van-go?? How about van-stay!"