Bringing back the old formats
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hados1109
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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If someone doesn't like the Gru format, is it a Despicable meme?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spugg0
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2018
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What's the correct format for r/dadjokes ?

Punchline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nigatoni27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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[Meta] When I post a joke in here, how do I format the punchline so it doesn't appear until you click it?

Basically, how do I avoid spoiling the joke? Do I have to put some kind of page break before I type the answer?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shamrock5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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Notice: Local Rap Artist Gershwin has announced that he will release his newest recordings only in the Compact Disk format, and they will be packaged in Periwinkle paper. So just look for:

Gershwin's rapped CD's in blue.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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Sorry for the format, just had to share this little gem...

Today at the checkout line in Home Depot, my dad decides to open up the conversation with the cashier with, "You know, one time I met MR. Depot..." Hard to keep a straight face after that one...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drugorexic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2014
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What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?

The centaur of attention..... ill see myself out

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gambitK9
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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When flying in V formation one side's often longer than the other. Do you know why that is?

That side has more birds on it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AusSpyder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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Migratory birds can be fascinating. You often see them fly in "V" formation across the sky. On occasion you see that one side is longer than the other. It's a simple scientific explanation really.

There just happens to be more birds on that side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mrscottib23
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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Geese fly in a V-formation for aerodynamics, and when the lead goose gets tired he switches out his position. But one side of the V is almost always longer than the other. Do you know why?

More geese on that side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gamerspoon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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My daughter(7) just caught me off guard with this.

Daughter : Whats Nana's middle name?

Me: the same as mommies, I think

Daughter: her middle name is just i think?

I'm so proud. Sorry if I don't know how to format, I tried.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/podolot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Saw the craziest rock formation
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Redwards2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2018
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My English Professor got weirdly angry at the formatting of my essay.

It wasn’t justified.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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If the leaning tower of Pisa was a gemstone, what formation would it be?

Crystal-lean.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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Scientists have finally figured out why, when geese flying in 'V' formation, one side is longer than the other.

That side has more geese in it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/writechriswrite
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
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A piece of rope walks in to a bar

Rope: One beer, please.

Bartender: We don’t serve rope here.

Rope:walks outside and thinks

Rope:gets an idea, gets excited & messes up its hair

Rope:walks back in to the bar

Rope: One beer, please.

Bartender: Aren’t you that rope I just refused to serve. Rope: Nope, I’m a frayed knot.

Edit: Formatting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/davidwayland
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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OC posted in honor of my dear father-in-law, who died of cancer today

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:

β€œWell, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”

pauses for effect

β€œ...I guess I let it go to my head.”

Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).

Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another β€˜incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bilgerat78
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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This Sacramento comedy show is basically a pun-themed rap battle

A few years ago, we started a show that I quite frankly never thought would work.

Nearly four years later, including two sold out appearances at San Francisco Sketchfest and a local TV featurette, our show "Capitol PUNishment" is now streaming on Twitch Friday night at 8:30pm PST.

I hope it's ok to post this in here. If not, feel free to remove with no hard feelings. Just encouraging pun lovers to check out what is best described as "a fast-paced, in-the-moment spectacle that combines everything you love about gameshows, rap-battles, and "dad" jokes, into a unique and hilarious competitive format."

Our channel is twitch.tv/capitolpuns
Here's a little video to help paint the picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2RE9PgmfXo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/capitolpuns
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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I've started a new competitive pun gameshow podcast entitled 'Punnit' and I'm looking for contestants! First two episodes in the comments.

'Punnit' is hosted by myself and played over three rounds. The first two rounds consist of one category (say, Musical Genres & Ailments), with each contestant going in turn and giving their best 5 entries. Such as, HIVy Metal, Honky Tonksillitis, Indiegestion etc.

These two categories are known about a week or so prior so everyone can bring their best (or worst, depending on how you look at it) but the third round is entirely on the spot, with the entrants shouting out whatever they can think of for a category. One of the recent being American Presidents & American States, with OklaBama winning that one.

It's all very much in the early stages but I would appreciate both feedback on the format and people getting in touch if they wanna duke it out.

Here are the episodes: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKJOzYgG9MW7CQHAZQahiqw/videos

Follow us too @thepunpodcast

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PattersonHoodlum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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Me: Is the dishwasher dirty?

Dad: No...
Me: puts plate in sink
Dad: ...but the dishes inside are.
Me: moves plate to dishwasher

(Edit: formatting)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dj_rogers
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2017
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Genie: You have one wish left

Dave: I wish I was Rich!

Genie: Granted

Rich: Nice

(Sorry for formatting, mobile app is the embodiment of a bucket with a hole in it)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LucasM__
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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Five friends were sitting around, debating which Pixar movie is the greatest

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of their choice, and whoever received the most karma for it would win.

Adam, already undecided himself, decided to go to /r/AskReddit. He laid out the agreement, and asked that everyone vote one their favorite movie, and the one with the most votes he would use for the his friends. Unfortunately, as the votes were split in that sub, his highest post amounted to a mere 38 points.

Paul, a big proponent for the Toy Story franchise, posted to /r/nostalgia in the hopes that everyone who grew up with Toy Story would agree. Unfortunately, as there had been two sequels (with a third on the way) it wasn't exactly considered "nostalgia" and he got downvoted into oblivion.

Bill, who loved Monsters Inc., made his case using some trickery. Going to /r/news, he found a seemingly unrelated post, and made a top-level comment describing, in great detail, why Monsters Inc. was the greatest film of all time. The fact that the post was so out of context made everyone flock to it, and drew enough attention to new him over a thousand fake internet points.

Mike, who loved the Incredibles movies, decided to stay in his wheelhouse. Over the course of several hours, he created each of the family members from the Incredibles in Soulcaliber VI. Finally, he photoshopped the family together, and posted it to /r/gaming. Under normal circumstances this would have skyrocketed to the top, but the format was stale, and thus only received 20k karma. Still, Mike was confident in his victory.

While the other four friends came up with plans on how to maximize their karma gains, Chris sat silently. For hours he sat, making no posts, coming up with no original content. Finally, an hour before the deadline, he broke into his neighbor's house, stealing his copy of the Pixar movie "Up". He took a picture of his theft and posted it directly to /r/dadjokes with the title "STOLEN".

When the group got together the next day to see who got the most votes, everyone was in awe. Chris's post had over 40,000 points. "How did you know that would win?" "Easy," Chris replied. "Everyone knows stolen content on /r/dadjokes gets all the Up votes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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Nut joke as told by my dad today

What do you have when you've got two nuts on your chest?

Chestnuts

What do you have when you've got two nuts on the wall?

Walnuts

What do you have when you've got two nuts on your chin?

.

.

.

.

A dick in your mouth.

Groans and facepalms were had.

EDIT: Formatting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jonaman8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
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The endless dadjoke

Last night, my daughter and I:

Her: "I'm cold, dad."

Me: "No, I'm cold dad, you're cold Elizabeth."

Her: "Dad, stop it! I'm cold, dad!"

Me: "No, I'm cold dad, you're cold Elizabeth!"

Her: "Daaaad! I'm cold, dad!"

Me: "I think what you want to say is "Dad, I'm cold.'"

Her: "Dad, I'm cold."

Me: "Hi cold, I'm Dad."

Her: "DAD NO."

Edit: Oh god the formatting was horrible, sorry about that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanSpice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2014
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An accidental pun

Setting: My partner and I are sitting on the couch watching the Leafs v Bruins hockey game

Background: my partner loves puns, LOVES them and makes like 20+ pun jokes a day. I’m horrible with puns and have made like two in my entire life.

Here’s what happened: Hockey game: Boston dude is on the ground, leafs dude is on top of him, looks like there’s going to be a fight

Me: looks like there’s a fight a-brewin’

Partner: BRUIN! A-BRUIN (chuckles manically)

Me: damn, I just fell backwards right into that

Him: of course you didn’t do it on purpose (still chuckling, high fives me)

I was so impressed with my accidental pun My first thought was - I have to share this on reddit! (He’s still chuckling, btw)

Edited for formatting (mobile user, yada yada)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuspiciousFun
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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The Joke that caused my dad to be "randomly selected for a drug test" at work.

To give a little background: My dad was a truck driver at the time, and he never saw something on the side of the road or that had a "free" sign on it that he could drive by without at least taking a look. My brother in law was a sheriff's deputy. He told this joke to my neighbor, I will try to do it justice.

My dad, his dispatcher(DIS), and lady neighbor(LN) are outside talking and it goes something like this:

Dad: Ugh, What a f--king week. I can not believe it.

LN: What happened?

Dad: I was in Georgia and I saw this cooler in the far corner of the rest area, just as you're about to leave. I looked around and I didn't see anyone... So I figured someone had forgotten it on their picnic... It was a nice ass cooler too. Igloo brand with the heavy duty wheels. It was beautiful.

LN: Let me guess, you took it and the food that was in it?

Dad: Oh god I wish, It was a nice cooler. So, I go over and I'm still looking around in case the owners are still there. So I get to the cooler and I'm thinking "jackpot." The outside looks amazing. So, I go to open it up to see if whatever is inside is salvageable or if i needed to throw it out. I open it up and I jumped back and screamed.

LN: What was in it?

Dad: FEET. HUMAN FEET. I'm thinking what the hell did I just stu...

LN: NU-UH, ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!

Dad: YES I'M SERIOUS.. So by this time, I'm seriously freaking out and I have no clue what to do. I nearly passed the f--k out. I had no idea what I should do.

LN: (with her hands over her mouth in horror) OMG, WHAT DID YOU DO?

Dad: Well, you know my son-in-law is a police officer in Florida..

LN: mmhmm

Dad: Well, I didn't know what to do so I called him.

LN: What did he tell you to do?!

Dad: Call a tow truck.

LN: ....what?

Dad: Get it, toe truck?!

LN: YOU'RE SUCH AN ASS. OMG I HATE YOU.

DIS: Oh, look at that, M*****, I just got word from the office that you're up for this month's random drug test.

Edit: Formatting errors, sorry guys!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heythereanny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
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With son & Circuit City......

https://imgur.com/gallery/P13MxpS

Me: Do you have the new Iron Maiden cd?

Employee: A Matter of Life and Death?

Me: No, it’s not that important

Edit: formatting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lastczarnian
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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My favorite dad joke

Not the usual format, but whenever me and my wife go to the grocery store and buy cheese, I always tell out super loud. "HONEY BE CAREFUL! THAT CHEESE IS EXTRA SHARP!" Always catches her off guard, always gets a decent groan. 😁

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Headsup_Eyesdown
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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My 7yr old son is getting a jump start on being a dad

We were parking and I read the street sweeper sign out loud

Me: Monday 930-11am

Son: it's Thursday

Me: ya I know I was just reading the sign

Son: I was talking to the sign, not you

Me: signs don't speak English

Son: I know, they speak sign language.

Edit: My lazy ass logged in and fixed the formatting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JJTG64
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2015
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When geese fly in a V formation, one side is always longer than the other. Do you know why that is?

There are more birds on that side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkinDeep69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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You know how when geese fly they fly in a V formation and one side is always longer than the other? Do you know why that is?

There are more geese on that side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesearejazzhands
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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When birds fly in the V formation, why is one side of the V longer than the other?

There’s more birds on one side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrBatman23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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Do you know why one side of the V formation geese fly in is always longer?

because there's more geese on that side

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BridgetTheBee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
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Have you ever noticed

That when geese fly South for the winter in a V formation one side of the V is always longer than the other. You know why ?

.

There are more geese in that line

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jump-blues-5678
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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You know how ducks fly in a V formation? Do you know why the one side of the V is longer than the other?

There are more ducks on that side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Figgley
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
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So you know how birds fly in a "V" formation? Do you know why one side is longer than the other?

Because there are more birds on that side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SonofGondor32
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2018
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Do you know why Geese when flying in a "V" formation have more birds on one side than the other?

Because there are more Geese on that side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jtnichol
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2017
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When canadian geese fly in a V formation, one side is always longer than the other. Do you know why?

It's got more geese in it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeckoDeLimon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2013
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When birds are flying in a V-formation, why is one side of the "V" longer than the other?

...

Because there are more birds on that side.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2015
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When birds fly in the "V" formation why is one side longer than the other?

Because there is more birds on that side. Source: actually told to me by my dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gdwalters
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2014
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OC posted in honor of my dear father-in-law, who died of cancer today

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:

β€œWell, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”

pauses for effect

β€œ...I guess I let it go to my head.”

Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).

Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another β€˜incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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