I said no honey, I said I was into resting.
One is a cat loaf and the other is a cattle oaf.
And one of our kittens (7mo/f) starts nosing her away aggressively around our feet.
15/f daughter: ‘Oh kitty, what are you doing?’
Me: ‘I think she’s fishing.’
Achievement unlocked: my daughter smiled, and didn’t groan, roll her eyes, or whine ‘Daaaad’.
I thought that’s a very weird way to start a conversation.
AWOL nut.
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
Ouch
I got tele-vision
never get old."
Boy, was my face red!
He pressed the russet button, of course.
Wife: Would you please call our children by their name?
I told him he should try out for American Idle
Stop calling your kids that.
Tater tots!
We are sofa apart!
It's seasoned leather.
“I don’t want to get up,” she replied. “Will you carry me?
“No,” I replied. “Get up and go to bed.”
“But I’m too tired. Carry Me?”
“No! You’re like 90 pounds now. You’re too heavy.” I said.
“Well then, pretend I’m the kitten,” she said and grinned.
So I picked up the squirt bottle and sprayed her in the face.
You could say I was ill for a full sicks months.
that way I always start the new year off on the right foot
Namaste
He was sofa king comfortable.
I've been having a hard time recalling it sofa.
"can you hand me my water, it's clear over there (pointing to my water glass on kitchen counter). My wife responded "I'll get it for you, but it'll be clear over there too."
Unfortunaly I was very confused when she started to laugh her ass off, then it hit me and we both had a good long laugh.
My wife said she was protecting her. I said "no, you just can't have two women in a room without one of them getting catty."
She left the room, came back, told me that was a terrible joke, and left again. I was very pleased with myself.
My four year old daughter was sitting between my wife and I. While we held out our hands she touched each of our fingers saying 1, 2, 3... counting each one. I looked at my wife and said "We've got people that count on us".
cause it was sofa away
I got up and told her "I'll get this end. You take the other one"
As stated my wife banished me to the couch for this.
She had a late start at work today, so she did some work around the house, including hanging the wreath.
After picking her up from work that evening we got home and she asked me if I liked the wreath. I responded with "the Franklin? It looks good".
She wasn't happy about that, and kept insisting I call it a wreath. Our friends all came over for D&D and I continued to interject whenever she showed someone that it was called "A Franklin".
Eventually she got really mad and demanded to know why I wouldn't call it a wreath. So I hugged her and said "I'm sorry sweetie, I didn't know it was so important to you. I mean, A-Wreath, A-Franklin, what's the difference?".
So yeah, sleeping on the couch.
Because its sofa.
They pawsed it.
Now he's paying me for the hole in the wall
Me: moving phone around in pocket cause it doesn't feel right
Dad: What are you doin down there?
Me: I'm moving my phone cause it's uncomfortable.
Dad: How do you know? Did you ask it?
"I just cashed you inside, how bow dah?"
<She was not impressed with my meme knowledge.>
Gfs little brother runs up to me with a potato peeler and yells "couch potato!"
Nice.
I want to be sure I start the new year off on the right foot.
Tater Tots
