A shop keeper asks him what he is doing and he replies "Taking a look around."
easier to get a head
Deez Nuts Polling Ahead in the 2016 Presidential Election!
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but turns out it was just a Fanta sea.
Knock Knock "who's there" Not Sally
They swing with alot of Force.
That's the punch line.
Immanuel Kan't.
The lumberjack looked up at the tree and paused saying "well, you may be a talking tree, but I'll see that you die a log!"
The lumberjack grinned and said: “And you will dialogue.”
Those were Goodyears
Well mine usually goes down the slide.
They didn't even bat an eye.
That’s why we ‘watch the hours go bi’
"Who was that?" asked my wife.
"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.
"Did you help him?" she asked.
"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"
"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"
She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes."
"Do you still need a push?"
"Yes please."
"Where are you?"
"Over here...on the swing."
The lunch bag of Notre Dame
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
We opened for The Doors
Because it's bipolar
...neither did she
...a meringue-utan
But they’re Knopfler me
I go back and forth on them.
Unfortunately, I live in a swing state.
the bipolar express
Took her to the park today as it’s a stunningly beautiful day here in NZ.
She was on the swings and I went on the swing next to hers to show how to swing her legs properly....
I said “weeee” as I swung higher and higher as she was laughing.
Miss 4 said “Daddy, you should have gone before we left”...
So proud!!
Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.
Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.
Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.
The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.
Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.
Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.
One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.
Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.
“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.
The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.
“Yes of course” replied Trevor
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We're watching "The Floor is Lava." One of the contestants is swinging across some bars.
She says, "she must have played on the monkey bars at school when she was a kid."
I say, "a lot of people did. I did."
She says "I played on them when I was a kid too."
That would be earlier today then.
Kid: why?
Dad: because she had no arms!
Kid: laughs you’re so funny dad
Dad: here’s another... knock knock!
Kid: who’s there??
Dad: NOT SALLY!
Kid: ....
when he started swinging, the tree shouted, 'wait, wait! i'm a talking tree!' the lumberjack smiled and told him, 'and you will dialogue.'
Turns out it was a swing and a miss.
"Dear, get off the swing" she said.
Not Sally
The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!"
because she has no arms.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
The lunch bag of Notre Dame
She had no arms.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
Neither did she.
She didn't have any arms..
