A police officer stops a guy carrying a backpack on suspicion of terrorism.

The police officer asks him to let him check his backpack.

The guy obliges.

In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.

"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"

"But why?" the guy protests.

"You have been caught carrying weapons of math instruction!"

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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"Two men have been arrested under suspicion of drug smuggling," I told my fellow cop.

"Names?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied, "I presume they have names."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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The local drug dealer in town started dressing as a Jehovah’s Witness so as not to arouse suspicion.

He was arrested when cops saw people actually letting him in.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
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A police officer pulls over a man out of suspicion of drug possession. The officer looks in the man’s trunk, only to find a bunch of cardboard boxes.

The police officer asks the man, β€œSir, why do you have so many cardboard boxes in your trunk?” The man then replies, β€œI’m sorry officer, but I’m packing.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BredSolid
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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When does a suspicion turn into a sus-chicken?

When things get a little... fowl.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DARKHAWX
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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I have a suspicion that my best friend married an exhibitionist.

I sometimes see his wife flash before my eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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I heard the police raided my neighbors house on suspicion of a brutal murder...

... When they charged into the bathroom they found Head and Shoulders.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHattGuy
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2016
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I'm the sexiest person suspicion has ever met...

Everywhere I go, it's aroused.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2014
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I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.

I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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A man knocked on my door today and asked for a small donation for the local swimming pool...

So I gave him a glass of water...

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening.

Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.

So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.

He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.

As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.

She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.

This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.

When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.

This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.

The two couldn't be happier!

They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.

One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.

She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.

She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.

A shallot, if you will.

A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.

They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.

The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.

Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.

Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.

He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.

One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.

The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.

She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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"Son, you're adopted".

Son: "Wow really? I'd never have guessed!".

Dad: "Im glad you're taking this so well".

Son: "Well I did have my suspicions".

Dad: "yes yes, anyway go pack your bags, your new parents will be here in 10 minutes".

πŸ‘︎ 159
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naiphe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
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Why did the detective keep checking the bottom of his legs?

Because he had his suspicions that something was afoot.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naiphe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
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The Greatest Infidelity Joke My Grandfather Ever Told Me.

Recently, Joe has been under the slight suspicion that his wife is cheating on him. So, one day he comes home early from work, to his crap-shoot apartment on the eighth floor, and hears her scurrying around when he enters. Almost as if there's another person in the house. When he calls out her name she hollers back that she just ran into the shower. So he investigates the bedroom and encounters a shocking surprise... a pair of hands dangling from the other side of the window sill! Those of a grown man, hanging on for dear life. Infuriated at the sight of the man who's sleeping with his wife, Joe takes the bedside lamp and starts bashing the guy's fingers until he falls eight stories onto the sidewalk. Only he's still alive, writhing and broken. So Joe hauls the refrigerator from the kitchen out the window, sending it down onto the poor sucker, killing him instantly. Now the hysteria of the moment induces a fatal heart attack and Joe himself, dies. So now, as he's up at the pearly gates, St. Peter is telling all the incoming souls that in order to gain access into heaven, they need to provide a solid account of how they died. After hearing Joe's story, St. Peter allows him in. The next man in line says that he was tanning in the sun, drunk, on the roof of his apartment building when he fell off, only to catch hold of a window sill that could have saved his life, until a crazed bastard beat his fingers and threw a refrigerator onto him. St. peter tells him that he's a shoe-in. And when he asks the next guy in line how he ended up deceased, the guy replies, "...So I'm naked in a refrigerator, right?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jazzinassazzin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2015
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I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost

I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joseph-Stalin1945
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.

I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ATX_Stig
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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