Does that make me French fried?
My wife said I did a half ass job applying sunscreen
She was talking about the different parts of her body that got burnt, and then:
Her: "For some reason only my left boob got burnt."
Me: "Well, that's just not right."
She called me dumb. Worth it.
My dad asked me if I knew how to not get a sunburn, so I said:
"Don't tell your son lame jokes?"
I was being flaky.
A hot dog.
Since I would now be a peeling.
Because everywhere they went was really shady...
I find it very appealing.
This is because they refuse to apply sunscreen liberally.
He said it'll keep the sheets off my legs
An oinkment, of course.
'No, just up to your neck'
Aloe-Ha!
They're both red giants, and way bigger than my son(sun).
(After being outside for 2 hours)
Daughter: Daddy, why didn't I get a sunburn?
Me: You can't, honey.
Daughter: Really?
Me: You can only get a daughterburn.
An Aloe-saurus!
The kind with extra melon in.
Pink Freud
Aloe, guvnah!
They said I kept flaking on them
A pachydermatologist.
My daughter and her nine year old friend are playing, and her friend has a wicked sunburn on her face, so I asked her "does your face hurt?" She laughs and before I can even get to the punchline, she says that her dad loves that joke. ("Because it's killing me").
What other dad jokes are universal? Like ones you've heard other dads tell that you already know and love.
Not a dad, but this came out when I was talking to my roommate.
Roommate: It's weird, of all the places I've lived the only place I've gotten sunburned is Florida.
Me: That is weird, the only place I've ever been sunburned is on my skin.
Roommate: You're an idiot.
Because I think your face is appealing.
If I ever had a sunburn or something on my face and wouldn't stop whining about it, this was my dad's typical routine.
D: Does your face hurt?
M: [indignant] Yes, that's what I've been talking about this whole time!
D: Well it's killing me!
Where do sunburned dinosaurs go for help?
The Allosaurus.
He earned a high-five for that one.
We're all eating dinner and my grandmother is over.
Gma: Cbreezy's brother, you look like you got really sunburned recently!
Bro: Yeah, I got it playing football, dad got it pretty bad too.
Dad: No, you got son-burn. I got dad-burn.
Que my overzealous laugh.
Edit: Format. Phones aren't great for posting...
I came into work today with a pretty noticeable sunburn.
Co-worker: "Happy Father's Day"
Me: "Why? You know I don't have any kids."
Co-worker: "Because it looks like you spent a lot of time with your sun yesterday."
It doesn't heal it but it does keep the sheets of my legs
