My deer cloning operation has succeeded!

I can finally make a quick buck...

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Who succeeded the Vikings?

The Z-kings

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stor_e_teller
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
So if North Korea succeeded in invading South Korea....

would that make it a Seoul crushing Victory?

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EdwoodTheOwl
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Scientists have succeeded in growing human vocal chords in a Petri dish.

The results speak for themselves!

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Pope John-Paul should've been succeeded by Pope George-Ringo
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mutant_Llama1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Ohio State coach Urban Meyer is being succeeded by the next in line

Suburban Meyer

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/markydsade
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife and I have recently taken to trying for a baby, and I think this last attempt may have succeeded. I just dad-joked hard.

We were looking at a Facebook post on bees that had lost their home and taken to a bit of chocolate on the road. The pictures showed the bees then all rushing into a basket a beekeeper had brought containing a honeycomb.

When my wife commented on how they all were so quickly attracted to it, I could not stop myself as I blurted out "Well yeah, they were looking for another place to bee"

Don't think she had ever rolled her eyes so hard.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/G2geo94
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
🚨︎ report
If at first you don’t Succeed

Then Skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Aarsh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
If at first you don’t succeed, well there goes skydiving.

Unless you have a Maxwell House parachute. They are good β€˜til the last drop.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/davidwayland
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What are two things every doctor needs to succeed?

Patients and patience.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
If Kim Jong Un were to die, what would be his succeeder's name?

Kim Jong Deux

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jub18
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do large males go to succeed?

Fatmandu

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewMacSydney
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
If you don't succeed the first time.....

Maybe parachuting isn't for you

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I was just voted β€œLeast Likely to Succeed” by my graduating class.

I hate being a teacher.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the confederate soldier stay married?

Because he succeeded from the union

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bagel-X
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
If at first you don't succeed...

...skydiving's probably not for you.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scottymcss
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend decided he wants to be a podiatrist even though I tried to talk him out of it.

I guess he's put his foot down.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the first people to fly a plane succeed?

They were Wright

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Krethon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
If at first you don't succeed,

sky diving is not for you!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/udrys
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Toilet paper salesmen were born to succeed

They were meant to ply their trade.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebodymullet
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
If at first you don’t succeed as a dinosaur

Tri tri triceratops

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Manartguy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
If at first you don't succeed...

You'll likely be promoted into management.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I tried to fail at succeeding...

After successfully pulling it off, I wondered, what have I done?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
🚨︎ report
How Do You Succeed?
  1. go to Walmart and buy some plant seeds.
  2. take them out of the bag.
  3. suck on them. (Suc - ceed) - suck seed.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordofvibes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Why won't the hyperloop succeed?

Because it is a pipe dream.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shiwanshu_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I stole a lawyer’s underwear right before court.

There’s no way he’ll succeed without his legal briefs.

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IMadeItGuys
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My 10 year old came in with a piece of paper and said β€œDad, I’ve got a joke for you.”

Then she ripped it in half and said, β€œNever mind, it’s tearable.”

I feel like I’ve succeeded as a dad.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rodunk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
If at first you don’t succeed ...

so much for skydiving. Henny Youngman :-)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dipsytripsy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2015
🚨︎ report
I tried to steal a book from a library...

...but they caught me mid-sentence

Edit: Wow 3 upvotes, the most I ever got!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BananaGooper
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
The Wright Brothers were the first to succeed in flight, but who were the first to try it?

The Wrong Brothers.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thenameislogan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2014
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my last job even though I always gave 100%.

Apparently that’s not how you grade exams.

πŸ‘︎ 147
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Some of the gem's of Steven Wright

The work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

1 Β  - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2Β Β  - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3Β Β  - Half the people you know are below average.

4Β Β  - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6 Β  - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7Β Β  - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 Β  - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.

9 Β  - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

25 - If at first, you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ksbalaji
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
If at first you don’t succeed

Skydiving is not for you.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/froggermario
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
If at first you don't succeed....

Skydiving is not for you

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BLAZEtms
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
If at first you don't succeed,

then skydiving isn't for you

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mialikescorgis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
If at first you don't succeed skydiving is not for you.
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blank18888
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
If at first you don't succeed,

Skydiving probably isn't for you

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Battle_Cat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
If at first you don't succeed . . .

Don't try skydiving.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lostinasense
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2018
🚨︎ report
If at first you don't succeed...

Then certainly sky diving isn't for you.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Illus_Maximus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
If at first you don't succeed...

Then you shouldn't go skydiving.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nothing_2C
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
🚨︎ report
If at first you don't succeed

don't try skydiving.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2017
🚨︎ report
If at first you don't succeed

Don't try skydiving.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stringcraftgaming
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2015
🚨︎ report

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