Do you need a pun? Just ask!
I can do puns with just one subject, puns that connect two subjects, pun pickup lines, and pun-chlines for jokes of the form "____ walks into a bar."
Just comment on this post with the subject you need a pun on, and I will get back to you as soon as possible.
The Air Force General says to the others, "I am proud to lead some of the bravest Airmen in the world. Watch this." He looks out the window and sees a passing Airman. "Hey, Airman!" he shouts, "see that shed? Inside is a nest of rattlesnakes. I want you to kill one for me!"
"Yes, sir!" the Airman shouts and runs off to get a long pole. Using the pole, he beats a rattlesnake to death and pulls it out. "See?" the Air Force General says, "bravery."
"Hah, that's nothing!" says the Marine General, "watch this. Hey, Marine!" he yells out the window at a passing Marine, "see that shed? Inside is a nest of rattlesnakes. Kill 2 of them for me!"
"Aye, sir!" yells the Marine and he charges in, grabbing 2 rattlesnakes and strangling them to death with his bare hands. "See?" the Marine General says, "bravery."
"Hah, that's nothing!" says the Army General, "watch this. Hey, Soldier!" he yells out the window at a passing Soldier, "see that shed? Inside is a nest of rattlesnakes. Kill 3 of them for me!"
"Fuck no, sir! I'm not doing that shit!" yells the Soldier. "See?" the Army General says, "bravery."
Math, because it gets to use its cow-culator!
I am so proud, haha, she got a chuckle with that one!
Your Highness
..no one even raises an eyebrow.
Husband: βHappy birthdayβ
Husband: looks at me for a little while
Husband: βOk your birthday is overβ
Me: βWhat? Why?β
Husband: βBecause itβs your thirty second birthdayβ
He said βSorry, I have naan.β
Watch out for the time machine!
Spelling
She said βyeah because it NOSE itβs thereβ
But it's history now.
Where ever you left it π€·ββοΈπ€
Iβd never seen him be 4.
When a bullet kills someone else, you know itβs been fired.
Theyβre taking casts of the paw prints as we speak
β¦ because they both study the makeup of the universe β
I'll tell you tomorrow
Iβll let you know.
Even after you finish it, the aftermath awaits.
They would call it crucifact.
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...
Cow-culus.
(Courtesy of my 10 year old.)
STEM!
"Ok, more chores around the house need to be done by you."
One morning at a bank, a robber pulled out a gun, pointed it at a teller, and said, "Give me all the money or you're geography!"
The puzzled teller asked, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history'?"
The robber replied, "Don't change the subject!"
Because it has interest in it.
Hisssstory
So you can start 2022 on the right foot.
Art Art Art!
I hope youβre happy.
They had a toot-in-common
I told them that I would shift as best I could...
Re: Marks
"...40 second birthday". I was so proud.
My 15 year old asked me to call the dog.
Me: What should I call him?!
15: ugh, dad, call him by his name!
Wife: But he doesn't have a phone, how can I call him?
9-year-old: Well he DOES have collar ID!
I couldn't be more proud of that child!
Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."
The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work."
The firstο»Ώ chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom. His assassination plot had failed.
Because you can't take the lord's name in vein.
Credit to my brother.
Itβs spam.
The robber yells, βDonβt change the subject!"
Hisssss tory
It was a very device-ive subject.
Art Art Art Art!!!
Now you mention Botox and no one even raises an eyebrow.
