They say you can identify a tree by its bark, but this one has me stumped.
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︎ Jun 07 2019
The chemist who created the periodic table was stumped during his process of developing the table. Suddenly, he realized:
He was missing a key element the whole time
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︎ May 12 2020
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?
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︎ Nov 07 2019
I went into my favorite bar and asked for a Bud.The bartender, we'll call her Penny, say's you have to tell me who makes it first.Kinda stumped I said Anheiser Busch.She said "just fine,and hows your dick."
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︎ Mar 30 2019
They were left stumped...
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︎ Sep 15 2018
They were left stumped...
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︎ Oct 24 2018
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︎ Jul 30 2018
Watson is heavily constipated. Holmes, for once, is stumped.
He asks Watson what the problem is.
Watson replies: "No shit, Sherlock!"
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︎ Jun 28 2018
French dadjoke that stumped Will Shortz on NPR
Heard this one on the radio during the Sunday Puzzle segment on NPR's Weekend America yesterday. A grandfatherly contestant on the program (named GΓ©rard) asked this riddle of NYTimes puzzlemaster and Yale enigmatologist Will Shortz:
"Two cats are competing to see who would win in a race swimming across the English Channel. The cats' names are One-Two-Three Cat and Un-Deux-Trois Cat. Who won?"
Shortz was stumped. The contestant answered the riddle saying:
"The English cat, One-Two-Three Cat won because Un-Deux-Trois-Quatre-Cinq."
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︎ Apr 14 2014
My Mom just stumped me with this one.
Me: I know a good Knock Knock joke, but you have to start.
Mom: Knock knock
Me: Who's there
Mom: Who's there who?
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︎ Jun 09 2016
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
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︎ Dec 15 2020
If you squat on a stump and take a dump....
Is it considered a toilet-tree?
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︎ Jan 07 2021
I've been seeing a lot of Stump Grinding signs lately.
I wonder what office they're running for.
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︎ Oct 14 2020
Donald stump
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︎ Jan 26 2020
I was dating a girl with a wooden leg
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︎ Oct 27 2020
What do you call a tree with no branches?
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︎ Oct 12 2020
What did the tree say after it was cut down? I can't figure it out.
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︎ Dec 25 2020
I'm trying to come up with a good tree pun
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︎ Nov 21 2020
A lorry full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
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︎ Oct 06 2020
And I'm not even a dad!
This actually just happened!!!
I was driving my 14yo home, and I was complaining because I recently hurt my shoulder.
Me: Ow, my shoulder is trash
Him: Maybe you'll have to amputate your arm
Me: That wouldn't help because I'd still have a stump to waive around. They'd have to amputate it at the shoulder.
Him: They wouldn't really do that, would they?
Me: Yep
Him: Baloney
Me: No, that would be down here and pointed to my shin
Then he started crying :-) I can die happy now!!!
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︎ Nov 24 2020
I've been trying to come up with a clever name for an amputee support group.
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︎ Jul 09 2020
I created a bank account dedicated entirely to buying and maintaining bushes
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︎ Jun 29 2020
Did you hear about the guy who kept cutting down trees?
They tried to investigate the trees, but they were all stumped.
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︎ Sep 04 2020
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, βWait! Iβm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack grinned, βAnd you will dialogue!"
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︎ Jun 09 2018
What did the lumberjack say after cutting down the whole forest?
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︎ Jul 18 2020
What do you call a man who has his feet removed?
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︎ Oct 10 2019
Somebody asked me to describe my life as an amputee, but I couldn't answer.
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︎ Apr 12 2020
I cut down a tree in my yard, but I don't know what to do next.
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︎ May 18 2020
Why couldn't a tree stump play around with a computer?
Because it couldn't log in!
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︎ Mar 21 2015
While being tortured I was asked if I'd prefer to have either my arms or legs cut off.
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︎ Apr 14 2020
VP Joe Biden announced he has hired a female amputee speech writer.
He said she would be really good at stump speeches.
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︎ Apr 25 2020
So... A woman got the first ever wooden breast implants yesterday
it would of been funny if this joke had a punchline wooden tit
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︎ Feb 12 2015
I am baffled how I got a job with a tree removal company.
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︎ Jan 25 2020
I asked my amputee daughter if she could guess what we are having for dinner tonight
She replied with "I don't know dad I'm stumped"
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︎ Jun 15 2019
Got my coworkers yesterday.
My coworkers and I were taking asbestos safety classes. The instructor told us to do a good job on our tests. I looked over at the instructor and said, "I'll do this job, asbestos I can." Instructor couldn't contain himself.
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︎ Mar 22 2015
Are you a dyslexic bowler?
Cuz you're blowing me away
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︎ Jun 16 2016
Did you hear about the tree that did a backflip?
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︎ Jul 22 2017
The first....
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︎ Dec 18 2014
Can you help me write a punchline for a joke about trees?
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︎ May 19 2019
What is it to illegally cut down all the trees?
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︎ Jan 19 2015
Why should you avoid dating chicks with only one leg?
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︎ May 28 2016
What do you call a tree stuck on a math problem
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︎ Apr 08 2019
Figuring out the difference between...
The terms "midget" and "little person" has me stumped.
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︎ Aug 16 2019
I canβt seem to remember what happens to a tree after you cut it down.
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︎ Nov 08 2018
For the longest time I couldnβt figure out how I tripped over the remains of that tree.
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︎ Oct 22 2018
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?
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︎ Nov 14 2019
If you chop down a tree in the forest, but it doesn't understand why you cut it down
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︎ Aug 10 2019
A lumberjack went to a magical forest to cut a tree...
Upon arrival, he began to swing at a tree, when it shouted,"Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack grinned, and said,"And you will dialogue."
The tree was stumped.
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︎ Jun 21 2019
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