My son has recently taken up an interest in music. We're constantly going back and forth trying to stump the other with trivia. He thought he had me when he chorused, "Hey, dad, what genre are national anthems?!" I laughed, "That's easy!"
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
If you squat on a stump and take a dump....
Is it considered a toilet-tree?
I've been seeing a lot of Stump Grinding signs lately.
I wonder what office they're running for.
Why couldn't a tree stump play around with a computer?
Because it couldn't log in!
This pun will make you stumped
They say you can identify a tree by its bark, but this one has me stumped.
Why should you never be in a relationship with a tree?
You'll regret it in autumn when it leaves
Once upon a time there were two little skunks.
Their names were In and Out. They lived in a hollow tree stump with their mother. Sometimes they liked to play inside, and sometimes outside.
One day, In was outside, and Out was inside. Mamma skunk asked Out to go find his brother. So Out went out, to bring In in. A short while later they both came inside. Mamma asked Out how he managed to find his brother so fast.
He smiled and said: "Instinct"
I was going to tell you a joke about trees...
The chemist who created the periodic table was stumped during his process of developing the table. Suddenly, he realized:
He was missing a key element the whole time
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?
Why do old pirates sometimes walk with a limp?
Need some help coming up with a pun
I need a pun with a ninja and a lemon. I’m stumped.
I took a test on trees.
A lot of the questions I was stumped on.
I was dating a girl with a wooden leg
They were left stumped...
I went into my favorite bar and asked for a Bud.The bartender, we'll call her Penny, say's you have to tell me who makes it first.Kinda stumped I said Anheiser Busch.She said "just fine,and hows your dick."
No historian has ever found the remainder of the cherry tree George Washington chopped down
They were left stumped...
What do you call a tree with no branches?
Watson is heavily constipated. Holmes, for once, is stumped.
He asks Watson what the problem is.
Watson replies: "No shit, Sherlock!"
What did the tree say after it was cut down? I can't figure it out.
I'm trying to come up with a good tree pun
I've been trying to come up with a clever name for an amputee support group.
French dadjoke that stumped Will Shortz on NPR
Heard this one on the radio during the Sunday Puzzle segment on NPR's Weekend America yesterday. A grandfatherly contestant on the program (named Gérard) asked this riddle of NYTimes puzzlemaster and Yale enigmatologist Will Shortz:
"Two cats are competing to see who would win in a race swimming across the English Channel. The cats' names are One-Two-Three Cat and Un-Deux-Trois Cat. Who won?"
Shortz was stumped. The contestant answered the riddle saying:
"The English cat, One-Two-Three Cat won because Un-Deux-Trois-Quatre-Cinq."
And I'm not even a dad!
This actually just happened!!!
I was driving my 14yo home, and I was complaining because I recently hurt my shoulder.
Me: Ow, my shoulder is trash
Him: Maybe you'll have to amputate your arm
Me: That wouldn't help because I'd still have a stump to waive around. They'd have to amputate it at the shoulder.
Him: They wouldn't really do that, would they?
Me: Yep
Him: Baloney
Me: No, that would be down here and pointed to my shin
Then he started crying :-) I can die happy now!!!
A lorry full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!"
The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!"
My Mom just stumped me with this one.
Me: I know a good Knock Knock joke, but you have to start.
Mom: Knock knock
Me: Who's there
Mom: Who's there who?
I created a bank account dedicated entirely to buying and maintaining bushes
Did you hear about the guy who kept cutting down trees?
They tried to investigate the trees, but they were all stumped.
Somebody asked me to describe my life as an amputee, but I couldn't answer.
What do you call a man who has his feet removed?
What did the lumberjack say after cutting down the whole forest?
I cut down a tree in my yard, but I don't know what to do next.
VP Joe Biden announced he has hired a female amputee speech writer.
He said she would be really good at stump speeches.
So... A woman got the first ever wooden breast implants yesterday
it would of been funny if this joke had a punchline wooden tit
While being tortured I was asked if I'd prefer to have either my arms or legs cut off.
I asked my amputee daughter if she could guess what we are having for dinner tonight
She replied with "I don't know dad I'm stumped"
I am baffled how I got a job with a tree removal company.
Got my coworkers yesterday.
My coworkers and I were taking asbestos safety classes. The instructor told us to do a good job on our tests. I looked over at the instructor and said, "I'll do this job, asbestos I can." Instructor couldn't contain himself.
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down.
Do you think it's stumped?
If you chop down a tree in the forest, but it doesn't understand why you cut it down
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