I just saw a stray dog with the Eiffel Tower stuck in his fur, along with Arc de Triumph and the Louvre...

...poor little guy, covered in Paris Sites.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Watch out for stray PokΓ©mon hiding in the bushes.

They might be trying to take a Pikachu.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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These comments where from a clip where someone cleaning at a foreign range almost gets hit by a stray bullet
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PbyFortress
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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A Dog Catcher Sees Two Stray Dogs

A large dog, and a tiny dog. He knows that he can only catch one, because the other will flee before he can catch it. Which dog does he catch, and why?

A. The large dog, because it weighs more. (Dog catchers are paid by the pound.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rubus_Leucodermis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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My friend said that stray dogs have no masters.

I agreed and added that they don't even have associates.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coolmcq
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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What were the odds in 1957 of being the exact stray dog chosen to be the first living thing in space?

Laika million to one

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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What do you call a huge pile of cats?

A Meowntain

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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A lost dog strays into the jungle one day. From a distance, a lion sees this and thinks to himself, "Hmmm, this guy looks edible, I've never seen his kind before."

So the lion starts running towards the dog with menace but the dog notices this and starts to panic.

As he's about to run he sees some bones on the ground next to him, gets an idea and says loudly, "Mmm... That was some good lion meat!"

The lion screeches to a halt and says, "Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can" and then runs away.

Over in a tree, is a monkey who sees everything and realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion what happened and getting something in return.

So the monkey finds the lion and tells him what really happened.

The lion says to the monkey angrily, "Get on my back, we'll get him together".

So the monkey climbs on the lion's back and they start rushing back to the dog.

The dog sees them, realizes what has happened and starts to panic even more.

But then he gets another idea and shouts, "Where is that monkey!?! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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Look there’s a stray cat in the road
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MiggyLT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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Before the stray dog was adopted, it had it ruff
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hdeifh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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Yesterday I asked a stray dog "How's life in the streets?"

Ruff

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BackFromExile
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
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There are stray Watsons in my backyard

I think they need good Holmes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/louisng114
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
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My daughter decided to sneak a stray cat back home

But I found out and she had to let the cat out of the bag

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HighGeneral
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
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Two astronauts stray too close to a black hole

Two astronauts stray too close to a black hole and start getting sucked in. The first one jumps to the controls and tries to save them. The other one gets his phone out and starts playing a game.

The first one looks over and is infuriated that he might die cos his colleague isn't helping so shouts

"Come and help, don't you understand the gravity of the situation?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/subpar_man
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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What did the man say to the rabid dog in the street?

stray away

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hitman07435
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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My friend said. β€œI am late. I have to go and feed my baby hamsters.”

I said, β€œ Are you sure your baby would like it?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
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My Dad works for a welding supplier, so heres his welding dad joke

A guy was cutting with an acetylene torch when suddenly there is a break in the line. The acetelyne starts shooting up his arm and a stray spark ignites it. His arm bursts into flame. He starts running around the shop waving his arm around while it's on fire until someone hits him with the fire extinguisher.

After the fire is out and the EMT's arrive, the police are there taking statements from the witnesses. When the officer finishes this, he pulls out his handcuffs, goes over to the burned guy on the ground, pushes the EMT out of the way, and arrests the burned guy.

When he brings the guy to the station, the chief asks him why he arrested this guy when he clearly needs medical attention. The officer responded by saying "He was waving a firearm in public"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Better_Devil
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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A daring pun train.

A soldier drags a power cable across a battlefield. He is leading the charge.

A stray bullet breaks the cable and the soldier gets electrocuted. He was shell shocked.

The soldier starts flailing, hitting another soldier. He was charged with assault.

The charge jumps to Soldier 2 on contact. It became assault and battery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWinterPrince52
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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I have such a dry sense of humor...

I'm really worried about stray fireworks this week.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JhopkinsWA
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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You know what's wild?

Stray dogs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Living_Phantom
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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GF hit me with this one

Me: Oh look, honey! There's a stray cat. Hello Mr. Cat!

Cat: (ignores)

GF: Wow that was rude. Guess he's used to getting... catcalled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/master_nemo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2016
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my dad's christmas present

So my dad just got his concealed weapons permit recently so for Christmas my step mom got him a new pistol. Since she didn't want to wrap a handgun, she printed out a flyer from Cabela's and taped it to a stray dumbbell weight to disguise it and wrapped them up in a small box.

When my dad opens the box, without missing a beat he coolly says, "Oh, look! A new pistol with the mandatory waiting period...."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/glevino
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2014
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Once upon a time there was a woman

Her name was Ninety and she had three kids. One day, the kids found a stray cat in their backyard and they decided to take care of it. However, they knew that their mother would disapprove, so in order to keep it a secret, they used "This" when referring to the cat. Eventually, the cat died of old age and the kids moved on with their lives. Therefore, only Ninety's kids will remember This.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomatomater
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2015
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Dad joked my husband today

While driving to the grocery store we sat at a red light, my husband noticed a stray shoe sitting in the crosswalk. He wondered "how someone could lose just one shoe", and i said it was sad, he asked why:

"because they lost their sole-mate"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarabrayshaw
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2014
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I got both my parents with one today!

We were out in their patio, and my dad points to a small stray tomato plant, that somehow sprouted up a few feet from the large group of tomato plants they have.

Dad: "What should we do about that volunteer tomato plant?" Me: "Maybe you should start paying it!"

Commence my laughter, and my dad groaning, and my mom ignoring me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaitlinsRoses
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2014
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