My friend, the anthropomorphic cell phone was in dire Straits

He walked into the police station and yelled "help! I'm on five per cent!" First, a cop punched him. Then, one of them plugged him in to a power bank Suddenly he had reached 100%. It was a miracle They charged him with assault and battery

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WalterNewton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Some people love jokes about Dire Straits

But they’re Knopfler me

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skepticCanary
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Was Jack Black? Was Barry white? Was George Strait? Was Marvin Gay?

Sure makes Stevie Wonder.

πŸ‘︎ 876
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
If Dire Straits robbed a grocery store, they'd get honey for nothing and chips for free.
πŸ‘︎ 139
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lol_camis
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Dire Straits and Chris Rea are getting together. The new group will be called Dire Rea.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried wearing a strait jacket once

Couldn't really pull it off..

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bermobaron
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did Microsoft Windows go strait from 8 to 10

Because windows 7, 8, 9

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smurfsmasher024
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call an arabic prince who's a Dire Straits fan?

the sultans offspring

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/St_Addi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Chris Rhea and Dire Straits are getting together to form a supergroup...

... they are going to be know as Chris Straits.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lazlowoodbine
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2017
🚨︎ report
A ship wanted to travel from the Pacific to the Arctic…

But it just couldn't get its Bering Strait.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Alaskan fishermen.

Alaskan fishermen often end up in Russia because they have difficulty keeping their Bering Strait.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prendrefeu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
TIL: A thousand years ago, a group of Russian explorers tried to sail into Alaska, but failed.

They couldn’t get their Bering Strait.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the cruise ship that got stuck in the Panama Canal with dead people aboard?

They're in a die-er strait.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Did I tell you about my trip to the middle east?

I saw a giant Turkey so Iran away strait into a sign post and Iraqed myself. I swear this story Israel

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnar_owl
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL: In ancient times, a group of Native Americans tried to cross into Russia from Alaska, but failed.

They just couldn’t get their Bering Strait.

πŸ‘︎ 246
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Where do heterosexual people like to swim?

Straits.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToonyCream
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you restrain a mentally ill country singer?

Use a George Strait jacket.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rossum81
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
IRS Auditor: For your tax return, you just wrote down β€œMoney for Nothing, Checks for Free??”

Me: Am I in trouble?

Auditor: Yes. In Dire Straits.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Is Hormuz gay?

no, he’s strait

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Killer whales

Killer whales are known to Orca-strait their hunts

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imitaisskii
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
It seems I can't find the border between Russia and Alaska using my compass.

I couldn't get my Bering Strait.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lansaman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I learned to empathize with the homeless by singing Mark Knopfler's ballads

They made me feel like I was in dire straits.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Pin a cup of water to the wall.

Dad had a joke he would pull on us then any kid we would bring over. He would announce that he was going to demonstrate how to pin a cup of water to the wall. He would get a cup of water and a strait pin then move a chair over by the wall. He would then proceed to get his victim to hold the pin and the water while he climbed on to the chair. "OK, give me the water!". Then he would make a show of picking out a place to pin it. "Now give me the pin." When they step up to hand him the pin.... he threw the water in their face.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/steveh_2o
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2013
🚨︎ report
Dad got me while discussing Christmas music

Me: "Have you heard that song called 'Christmas Cookies'?"

Dad: "No, who sings it?"

Me: "George Strait."

Dad: "Is he related to George Crooked?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zora894
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2014
🚨︎ report
TIL: A thousand years ago, some native Americans tried to cross into Russia from Alaska, but failed.

They just couldn’t get their Bering Strait.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Tax audit guy: It says in your file that you have money for nothing and checks for free.

Man: Am I in trouble?

Tax guy: Yes. In Dire Straits.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
🚨︎ report

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