The teacher caught me stirring up trouble in chemistry class...

...so she sent me home with a colloidal suspension.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/uptwolait
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 09 2020
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I like stirring my coffee while it's very hot.

Does that make me a hip stirrer?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 27 2020
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Came out backwords / at a loss for words / just one big bowl of soup / proper punctuation: the colon / man,ure on a roll / just stirring the pot / poo-lease stop / can't. IOU potty humor / Y you say that? / It's fun, butt OK - mind my P's and Q's - I'll put lid on it
πŸ‘οΈŽ 61
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/barwhack
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 05 2017
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Have you ever wondered why it’s better to shake paint instead of stirring?

Because this way, it will bond better

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 11 2018
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What do you call an alligator that always tries to stir up trouble

An Instigator

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ItsKnotThatBad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2020
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What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?

"It was a wok in the park."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ragna_Blade
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 14 2020
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There was no fork to stir my eggs, and though my wife asked me not to use it for this purpose

It was a whisk I had to take

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/crazyeyedmcgee
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 02 2020
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My family has been getting stir crazy. So we decided to take our son to the local zoo. Problem is, it’s a small zoo. They only have one animal. It’s a dog.

It’s a real Shih Tzu.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/reepicheep08
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 15 2020
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What do you call James Bond taking a bath?

Bubble 07

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Life_Uh_Finds_A_Wah
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 15 2020
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The local police station has had its toilet stolen

Officers have nothing to go on.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 176
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lenzar86
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 17 2020
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Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/goongoof
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 11 2020
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My wife got mad when she found me cooking stir fry on our dog.

I don't know why she got mad. She told me to take him for a wok.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 15 2020
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I made a cabbage, carrot and corn stir-fry tonight! The recipe called for tilipia, but I put in pork. I realize now that I should have put in chicken, though...

...it's supposed to be a C-food stir-fry.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wmcduff
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 17 2020
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Every Friday for dinner, I make everything deep fried

I call it Deep Fry-day

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Baby-Penewine
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 24 2020
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What do you call a zombie who stir fries?

Dead Man Wokking

πŸ‘οΈŽ 64
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wallagm
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2019
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Why does a chef not cook stir fry for his family ?

He doesn't like bringing his wok home.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BuddhaBlessThou
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2020
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What happened to Betty Crocker?

She went stir crazy.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Couldbeurmom
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 25 2020
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Just finished watching a documentary on how Kool-Aid was made

It was stirring

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/martianrome
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 17 2020
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I stole a mixer from the kitchen in work today

It was a whisk i was willing to take

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jmf95-
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 14 2020
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I asked my chef friend how hard it would be to make a stir-fry in a meadow?

He said it was just a wok in the park

πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/davidrobertson344
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 07 2019
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Me and my son want everything shaken, not stirred.

Yep. We are bonding.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 17 2019
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The True Meaning of Pansexuality
πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VinceFearsAEW6440
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 06 2020
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This must be the soupervisor
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/moses10960
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 10 2019
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I don't mean to stir the pot, but...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/otfjokes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2018
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I rented out a room to two beautiful Chinese Women..

They never complain, they keep to themselves and they always pay their rent on time. The only weird thing is they insist on paying me in stir-fry. But all in all, I guess they're pretty lo mein tenants.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Schnauss
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 14 2020
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I just found out how to burn 2000 calories

I left my brownies in the oven too long

πŸ‘οΈŽ 420
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mafiaworks_08
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 14 2020
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What do you say when you see Bob Marley cooking?

What Jamaican?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zZREQUIEMZz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 31 2020
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Shaken, not stirred...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/obi-1_cannoli
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 05 2018
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My dad made his first dad joke in a long time

For context: we have a vegetable garden and a dog named Max

During dinner, my mom remarked how her stir fry was made almost entirely out of vegetables from our garden except the eggs, to which my dad said β€œwell then we’ll just have to raise some chickens.”

I reply, β€œwell what about Max?”, implying that he might attack the chickens.

And without hesitation my dad replies, β€œwell he can’t lay eggs”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 748
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Asian_dodo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 11 2020
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Added a rainbow to my dinner stir fry... I'm trying to eat light.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/smei2388
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 10 2018
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Real life dad joke. Yesterday I was cooking a stir fry and added some diced carrots β€˜for carrot-ness’, I said.

My daughter who was helping, added some peas, β€˜for pea-ness’ she said. Then fled laughing.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 36
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 18 2018
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My asian friend is pretty popular among his profession of being a chef.

He's a wokstar

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/U4gotmycheese
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 06 2020
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Police Officer: β€œHow high are you?”

Dad: β€œNo officer, it’s β€˜Hi, how are you?’”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 44
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tony-1610
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 13 2020
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Why did James Bond keep his library book?

Because it was Due Another Day

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DinglebarryHandpump
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 03 2020
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Did you hear about the depressed stir-fry?

It hit wok-bottom.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OliverRereads
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 29 2018
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What does Daniel Craig and Sean Connery do in a bar?

Bond. They Bond.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Meriloinen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 04 2020
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How do you make trash soup?

It's easy!

Dump, stir.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/magicoddeffect
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 23 2020
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I didn't even know what it was called.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 89
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/_vasiliss
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 27 2020
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What did the judge say to the physician cooking multiple dishes at a stir-fry competition when time ran out?

Woks up, doc

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hello_Kitty07
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2017
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When I graduated culinary school my parents gave me a gold-plated spoon.

It was a stirring tribute.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/emjay144
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 06 2020
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Whatever you do, don't take a, s, r, d and add them to i, r, s, t, and e, and then stir...

That's a recipe for disaster.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BeardFM
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 07 2016
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A woman asks her husband in the morning regarding breakfast.......

"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It must be the Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite.

At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food.

Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."

"Well," she says: ""Can you now stop and get off me? I'm bloody starving!!".

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 18 2020
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Making stir fry with my girlfriend

She says: "We need to have a wok at some point".

I responded: "But it's so cold, can't we just drive?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/capitanogoodhue
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 16 2016
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I created a dance called the "hip stir."

You've probably never heard of it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OleDetour
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 21 2017
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Shaken, not stirred. Pressed, not ironed. imgur.com/Tq2MdjH
πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/stickydatepudding
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2013
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I just finished watching James Bond

I was shaken, but not stirred.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/justcaleb2001
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 05 2020
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I'm not sure whether to do a stir fry this evening or defrost some fish.

I suppose you could say I'm stuck between a wok and a hard plaice.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/starlinguk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2015
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Twas the night before the and all through the house...

Not a creature was stirring, because somebody stole all the spoons.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/luna-love-good
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 21 2019
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