Hedgehogs

Why can't they just share the hedge?

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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Returning the lost purse

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.

Looking in her purse, she commented, β€œHmmm . . . that’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.”

The boy quickly replied,Β β€œThat’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”

http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/returning-lost-purse/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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[hustle]

At the end of a long season; two fishing companies got caught up over the last catching nets to supply ingredients to Hog Island's famous chowder... the legendary bustle was later known as the "mussel vessel hustle tussle"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarah_Connor
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2017
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There are three classes of cheerios

There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arrived at her fathers house. The cheerio bent down in front of her father. "Sir, I would like to ask for your blessing in marrying your daughter" "No! You are a regular cheerio and my daughter needs a high quality honey nut" he snapped. "But sir." "No means no damnit!" "Sir this is very unrea-" "You come back a honey nut and you'll have my blessing, my daughter is not about to marry a low life like you." The cheerio sprinted home, tears streaming down his face. He fumbled against the lock and sprawled out on his bed. When he awoke it was early, his sheets had a dark silhouette from his wet jacket. He sat up and lit a cigarette. "Damn." he sighed to himself. Walking in front of his mirror, he noticed something different. His body was frosted! He had become a frosted cheerio! He darted out the door without shoes, reaching the honey nut household in no time at all. He banged on the door, and the beauty's father answered. "Sir I am a changed cheerio! I'm frosted!" he exclaimed. Her father had a stern look on his face. "You think you are any better? The dirt on my boots are worth more than you." he hissed. The old honey nut slammed the door on the young frosted. He heard the deadbolt click. The newly frosted cheerio didn't take the same way home. He stood on the edge of a bridge, feeling the cool autumn wind on his sugar coated skin. Was he really going to go through with this? Was it worth it? No he was a frosted cheerio now. He couldn't get the girl, but he was a changed cheerio. He

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/R1pply
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
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Some friars set up a flower shop

A pair of friars came up with the great idea to use the extra flowers scattered around the monastery to start a flower shop. After the first week, the new flower shop is bustling and quickly becomes the most popular flower shop in town. This upsets a fellow florist, John, because he is losing his business. John decides to go down to the docks and find someone to destroy the competition's flower shop. John ends up finding a large sailor by the name of Hugh. Hugh promptly goes and completely destroys the friars' flower shop, effectively putting the friars out of business. Once again proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Debt-Profit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2015
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I still laugh when I remember this one

Warm spring day, first day the zoo is open for the season, families and couples come, place is jam packed and bustling with people.

I return from using the restroom and my Dad says, "Boy, it's like a zoo in here!"

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FireMonkeysHead
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2013
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