I’ve been having to use lettuce as TP since the Covid craziness
The worst part is the news says this is just the tip of the iceberg and what I need to use as TP tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Stay safe kids,
Dad
My fathers go-to joke(Bonus craziness inside!)
"What do you call a deer with no eyes?"
"NO EYED-DEER"
My favorite, not so much a joke as him being silly, but when I was young, I said "dad, what's for dinner?", he turned to me quickly and shouted, "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!, DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING WEATHERMAN?!" And casually walked away.
:3
A chemist froze himself to -273.15°C and everyone called him crazy but personally,
Where do crazy people ride their bikes?
What was Ozzy Osborne’s inspiration for writing the song Crazy Train?
Call me crazy,
but that’s not my name and I will not answer to it.
Why do women have a difficult time working for the postal service?
What do you call a crazy reason for robbing a train?
A Scotsman visits his doctor. He pulls his kilt up and says doctor you have to help me I'm going crazy
The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts
The 2020 boating expo was crazy
Travelling doesn't drive me crazy.
It's because I'm a nomad.
This has been a crazy year. After everything that has happened though do you want to know the one thing that I can’t get over ?
It’s crazy, all these people running these virtual races, starting all over the place.
Where do we draw the line?
I had this crazy dream where I was completely weightless...
Drives me crazy when people keep repeating the same dad joke
The Sykes-Picot Agreement is so crazy
I mean, it's borderline insane.
With the crazy year 2020 has been, if Trump wins again would it be... arMAGAddon?
What do you call a crazy horse?
Unstable
(Idk if it was posted before, but I came up with it about an hour ago, and idk if it was already made)
I asked my local locksmith why he's still open during these crazy times. Turns out he's a key worker.
So is the piano shop owner next door.
This one is driving me crazy...
don't stick your finger in crazy
I was going crazy, looking around, trying to figure out who said "heads up"
And that's when it hit me...
People who wander around are not crazy
Why was the broken door crazy?
How did the crazy people find their way out of the woods ?
They followed the psycho path
Some people say its crazy for a frog to be in love with a pig...
...but it just requires a bit of kermitment
With how crazy this month has been please
Just wake me up when September ends.
[OC] You're bacon me crazy!
Why did the crazy Mexican kill people on trains?
Dad: Hey kids, did you hear about that crazy lady who got breast implants full of twigs and sticks?
Me: ...no, why? Is another one of your stupid jokes again?
Dad: No, no, no. I read it on my Yahoos and thought it was weird.
Me: Oh... yeah, that is weird I guess.
Dad: It would've been funny if that joke had a punchline, wooden tit?
Me: Dad, no.
I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram....
Graveyards take up so much real estate, it’s crazy!
No worries, cemeteries are a dying industry.
My family has been getting stir crazy. So we decided to take our son to the local zoo. Problem is, it’s a small zoo. They only have one animal. It’s a dog.
A guy just went crazy at my local dumpling house and destroyed the place.
He's been charged with wonton destruction.
A man walks up to a crazy robot and says
"You're nuts!" and bolts.
I've finally convinced my energy suppliers that they're crazy...
The queues outside the cemetery are crazy.
People are dying to get in there.
Most Men Don't Have Enough Fiber In Their Diet. Crazy Isn't It?
As if 2020 wasn't crazy enough in Texas today, a herd of cows suddenly burst into flames.
Scientists still don't know what the cattle-lyst was.
People are batshit crazy right now.
I made this crazy paste out of sesame seeds, it was so good I nearly ate all of it
Don’t worry I still have a tahini bit left
Sitting in the ER with my son last night, he got me with this one. I was trying to lift his spirits and was pointing out all the crazy equipment they have in the room. I said "Oh look. They have tongue depressers." He says "Those won't work on me." I asked why and he says...
"I'm on antidepressants."
He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.
Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.
Warned my son about the dangers of drugs today. Told him a story about a girl I knew who went crazy from doing mushrooms all the time. Surprised, he asked, "Really?" I replied, "Yes, absolutely true."
"She became a little spore addict."
My family and I had a crazy camping trip...
Why did the crazy Mexican jump on the train?
A chemist froze himself at -273.15°C
everyone said he was crazy but he was 0K.
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