I’ve been having to use lettuce as TP since the Covid craziness

The worst part is the news says this is just the tip of the iceberg and what I need to use as TP tomorrow romaines to be seen. Stay safe kids, Dad

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My fathers go-to joke(Bonus craziness inside!)

"What do you call a deer with no eyes?" "NO EYED-DEER"

My favorite, not so much a joke as him being silly, but when I was young, I said "dad, what's for dinner?", he turned to me quickly and shouted, "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!, DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING WEATHERMAN?!" And casually walked away. :3

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goddess_Farore
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2013
🚨︎ report
A chemist froze himself to -273.15Β°C and everyone called him crazy but personally,

I think he was 0K

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Niyi_M
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do crazy people ride their bikes?

On the psycho path

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ivy7496
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What was Ozzy Osborne’s inspiration for writing the song Crazy Train?

Locomotion

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frozeneskimo02
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Call me crazy,

but that’s not my name and I will not answer to it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Arthur24
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do women have a difficult time working for the postal service?

It’s mail-dominated.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SecondRateHack
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a crazy reason for robbing a train?

A loco motive.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A Scotsman visits his doctor. He pulls his kilt up and says doctor you have to help me I'm going crazy

The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
The 2020 boating expo was crazy

It was mast hysteria

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Travelling doesn't drive me crazy.

It's because I'm a nomad.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KaladinThunder
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
This has been a crazy year. After everything that has happened though do you want to know the one thing that I can’t get over ?

An 8 foot wall.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s crazy, all these people running these virtual races, starting all over the place.

Where do we draw the line?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gooeygargoyle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I had this crazy dream where I was completely weightless...

I was like 0mg.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Drives me crazy when people keep repeating the same dad joke

Already Reddit

πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alecdoconnor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The Sykes-Picot Agreement is so crazy

I mean, it's borderline insane.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pianobutter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
With the crazy year 2020 has been, if Trump wins again would it be... arMAGAddon?
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gr8ums
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Hahahahaha. Crazy
πŸ‘︎ 121
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_lantoy_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a crazy horse?

Unstable

(Idk if it was posted before, but I came up with it about an hour ago, and idk if it was already made)

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minttion
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my local locksmith why he's still open during these crazy times. Turns out he's a key worker.

So is the piano shop owner next door.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthVarn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
This one is driving me crazy...
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kyledreeling10
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
don't stick your finger in crazy
πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/floofysox
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going crazy, looking around, trying to figure out who said "heads up"

And that's when it hit me...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/letsgetrandy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
People who wander around are not crazy

They’re nomads

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fedoras4furries
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the broken door crazy?

It was unhinged.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/therobloxiankid
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the crazy people find their way out of the woods ?

They followed the psycho path

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Some people say its crazy for a frog to be in love with a pig...

...but it just requires a bit of kermitment

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alastrel3000
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
With how crazy this month has been please

Just wake me up when September ends.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBlazerBeam
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
[OC] You're bacon me crazy!
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rebelrosepins
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the crazy Mexican kill people on trains?

He has loco-motives

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: Hey kids, did you hear about that crazy lady who got breast implants full of twigs and sticks?

Me: ...no, why? Is another one of your stupid jokes again?

Dad: No, no, no. I read it on my Yahoos and thought it was weird.

Me: Oh... yeah, that is weird I guess.

Dad: It would've been funny if that joke had a punchline, wooden tit?

Me: Dad, no.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram....

I was like 0mg!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Graveyards take up so much real estate, it’s crazy!

No worries, cemeteries are a dying industry.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajanes88
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My family has been getting stir crazy. So we decided to take our son to the local zoo. Problem is, it’s a small zoo. They only have one animal. It’s a dog.

It’s a real Shih Tzu.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reepicheep08
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy just went crazy at my local dumpling house and destroyed the place.

He's been charged with wonton destruction.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks up to a crazy robot and says

"You're nuts!" and bolts.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMoonIsLonely
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I've finally convinced my energy suppliers that they're crazy...

#gaslighting

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mish106
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
The queues outside the cemetery are crazy.

People are dying to get in there.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomWaah
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Most Men Don't Have Enough Fiber In Their Diet. Crazy Isn't It?

Tough Shit

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FadedHaseeb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
As if 2020 wasn't crazy enough in Texas today, a herd of cows suddenly burst into flames.

Scientists still don't know what the cattle-lyst was.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TigerDiesel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
People are batshit crazy right now.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sakanak
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I made this crazy paste out of sesame seeds, it was so good I nearly ate all of it

Don’t worry I still have a tahini bit left

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glowcoma
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Sitting in the ER with my son last night, he got me with this one. I was trying to lift his spirits and was pointing out all the crazy equipment they have in the room. I said "Oh look. They have tongue depressers." He says "Those won't work on me." I asked why and he says...

"I'm on antidepressants."

He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebikerdad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Warned my son about the dangers of drugs today. Told him a story about a girl I knew who went crazy from doing mushrooms all the time. Surprised, he asked, "Really?" I replied, "Yes, absolutely true."

"She became a little spore addict."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My family and I had a crazy camping trip...

It was in tents.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bradthemadcat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the crazy Mexican jump on the train?

He had a loco motive.

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nereothefinest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A chemist froze himself at -273.15Β°C

everyone said he was crazy but he was 0K.

πŸ‘︎ 163
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlovenianGregor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report

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