Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
“Every time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, ‘The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
“I’ll call you later!”- “Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”
Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!
What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
“My dad... keep reading on reddit ➡
We were out on a party boat that our family rented. My wife's uncle points to the ladder to climb out of the water back in the boat and says, "That's just my step ladder, I never knew my real ladder."
My uncle was talking about a new deli that was opening near us, and he goes, "I keep forgetting where, it's a new deli over in-" and my other uncle steps in and goes, "India?"
On the first day of the cruise, we were required to attend an emergency drill called a "muster drill." The crew members that demonstrate the steps for us to take are called "musters."
My uncle asked the muster, "So what do you do when you're not a muster?"
My grandfather replied for her with, "She's a ketchup!"
All the dads in the room chuckled.