Spicy Food Puns

Megasoreass

I like to holla "PAIN, YO!"

It gives them the trots.

To which I replied “No it doesn’t.”

...or will they sit down?

From my 11 year old. So proud haha.

A ghost pepper

At least I got free gas.

Because Schezwan of a kind.

Scoville!

I told her that couldn't be possible... because if she was allergic to hot things she would be allergic to me!

Needless to say I didn't even get a smile.

... have buttholes lined with ass-bestos

She’s very curry-ageous.

“I just ate spicy food, son.”

So a bit of background here, I am fully dependent on my carer. Where he goes, I go. What he eats, I have to eat too. And because of that, if he wants to eat the wrong thing, I suffer.

I have no control over what he feeds us and I can't always tolerate the foods he likes. If he eats food that is too spicy, I yell at him. Like a lot. I've even made him cry a few times. But the thing is, I can't control myself. Every time I talk, it is shit for everyone in my vicinity, especially him. That's why I need him as a carer. I really tried to not give him shit for a couple weeks by not talking at all but he thought it was so bad that I did that he took me to the doctor to force me to keep giving out instead of bottling it all up.

I don't know what to do. I'm literally the end point of his digestive system. Am I the asshole?

Need some pun help

Girl is a nurse who wants to try 27 spicy food places before you die. Not Tinder

My best so far:

You pepper believe that eating at all those places will turn you from nurse to fulltime patient. You don't even get atrophy when you're through

It's ehhhhh And seems insulting.

• I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat

• I went up to the airport information desk. I said "How many airports are there in the world?"

• I hate fat girls who use the excuse "oh the camera adds 10lb" Well, stop eating cameras then.

• At the check-in desk the girl said, ''Window seat or aisle?''

l said, ''Window seat or you'll what? Are you threatening me?''

She said, ''No, calm down. Window seat or aisle?''

l said, ''l'll have a seat.''

• When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in Mexico last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.

• A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said: "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said: "All right, but we won't get much done"

• Did you know you're ten times more likely to get mugged in London than New York City? Thats because you don't live in New York City.

• Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die.

• British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray.

When checking out at the grocery store if toilet paper is one of the items purchased they will always ask the clerk: "Do you think this is enough toilet paper for this much food?"

When anyone is eating something spicy: "Better get some ice cream next, because in a few hours you're gonna be in the bathroom screaming COME ON ICE CREAM"

The wife and I had her mother over whilst eating dinner, a la Taco Bell.

After trying some of our daughter's food, my wife insists that it is way spicier than she expected, and proceeds to tell my mother in law she has to try it - Saying "I think it's spicy nacho sauce."

After a moment or so, I piped up "I wouldn't know, it isn't my sauce." and put on my best I made a pun face.

MIL loses it, and my wife looks confused for a few seconds and goes to offer me a taste before the groaning ensued. Victory!