For all the time they spend in a school, you'd think that fish are really smart.
But it turns out, they're all below C level.
If anyone is alone this Christmas and has nobody to spend it with, please let me know..
I really need to borrow some chairs.
A werewolf spends his nights reading Voltaire
Spend your last dollar on a $0.98 lottery ticket and see what you end up with.
That's just my two cents.
What do you call a day you spend with the Pope?
My friend works as a clown and doesn't earn much money so he spends every cent carefully.
Why do circles spend so long at university?
It's not easy getting 360 degrees!
My son spends all of his money on comic books
I keep telling him he has issues
My wife was just trying to convince me to spend $1k on a new king size bed...
...I told her I’d have to sleep on it.
Why does Robert Plant never spend any money at snack machines?
On Saturday, my son confronted me about why I spend time with him on only 1 day of the week, but I spend time with his sister every other day. I told him that I would take him to the movies tomorrow, and he asked if it was 'just because he asked'.
I told him, 'no, because it's Son Day'.
What is it called when you spend an hour in the bookstore browsing for German philosophers?
I wanna go spend a few weeks working a waiter in Vietnam so I can tell my kids I served in 'Nam.
I asked Dad how he plans to spend the day. He said, "first, Mom and I will go pick up our prescription glasses"
Judge: I hereby find you guilty for all crimes you have been charged with. For sentencing I order you to spend life behind bars without possibility of parole
Criminal: That's a long sentence, I demand a shorter one.
Judge: U did it. Go 2 jail forever.
Hey, I don't care, if people want to spend lots of their money on electricity...
I don’t understand why my wife spends so much money on shampoo...
I decided to spend the lockdown months taking online lessons on escapology.
Why did the baseball catcher spend a night at the field?
My wife spends all of our grocery money on cheese.
I think she needs to go to briehab
Why don't bees spend their money?
I like to spend holidays in the kitchen
Why did the hoarder spend so much time rummaging for his shaver?
He has a must-stash problem.
Where did Prince Charles spend his first honeymoon?
Did you know, some fleas spend their lives jumping for the moon?
I was going to spend Friday night studying stinging polyps that spend major part of their lifetime attached to rocks at the bottom of the sea, but a couple pals wanted me to go bar hopping...
With friends like that, who needs anemones?
The last thing my grandfather told me was that it is worth it to spend money on good speakers.
My wife loves complaining about how long she spends breast-pumping for our new son.
She’s really milking it for all it’s worth.
This guy comes up to me at the karaoke bar and asks, "Are you the guy who spends all night singing Neil Diamond songs?"
I take today literally , I spend it with my kid.
Whenever I see a girl I like with another man I feel prisoner to my emotions and spend a night in jailousy
I hope they don't spend all their time medic-ing around.
Today at the store the cashier gave me 2 pennies in change and said have a nice day, don’t spend it all in one place.
I said thanks for your 2 cents.
If you're feeling under the weather, spend a night in a smokehouse.
You'll be cured in no time.
I turn 21 in In 38 minutes and my nickname with my friends is “pickle” so how do I spend my birthday?
Well I “Relish” the moment obviously
This is how my mother and I spend our time.
"What do you think I should spend on a brand new tennis racket?" asked my son.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the dicks hang out
[meta] Does anyone else spend 15 minutes explaining things to their kids just to tell a 5 second joke?
Or is it just me? My eldest is 8 but I still had to show him what a zippo was before I laid the hippo/zippo one on him.
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