[request] puns involving spears?

I'm an incoming freshman for FSU and at my high school, they have the seniors decorate a wall with their name, the logo of the college they're attending, and a little phrase. Making jokes about native americans is a little distasteful, soooo I'm looking for some quality spear puns.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/that-broken-chair
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
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My girlfriend told me she hates songs by Britney Spears and she doesn't want me to sing them.

But oops, I did it again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danielsoft1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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"Fellow Spearman, why must you hold your spear in such an irregular stance?"

But then it hit them why he was holding it in a overhand grip.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTaminus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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What do you call a dull spear?

A pointless weapon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texas_OT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.

I got shafted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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My daughter pointed at a spear and said β€œdaddy look it’s sharp”

I replied with β€œthat’s the point”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lZombieChaserl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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i was going to say a joke about a blunt spear

but i don't see the point

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πŸ‘€︎ u/6T_FOR
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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What do you call a nervous spear thrower?

Shakespeare

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pewds_is_waifu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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So apparently Britney Spears

I thought she was just a singer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatcornellbitch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
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Will(yam) shake(spear)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frogGuardian
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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What's the point of a spear?

It's that part at the tip of the shaft.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oy-Law
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
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I understand knives and spears, but staffs seem pointless.
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2016
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3 spears of asparagus.....

3 spears of asparagus are walking down some railroad tracks when a train comes along. The first asparagus says, "Watch this!"

He proceeds to make his way across the tracks, dodging and weaving between the wheels and making it clear to the other side.

The second asparagus says, "I got this!" and proceeds to dodge and weave across the track and between the wheels, only at the last second gets bumped off, leaving her with a bruised behind.

The last asparagus strolls up to tracks and hops right over and BAM gets slammed by underside of the train right in crown, breaking the stalk and sending him flying. His 2 friends come running up, they gather him up as best they can and rush him to the nearest hospital.

After a grueling 12 hour surgery, the head surgeon comes out to the waiting area to update the asparagus spears.

"well, I have good news and I have bad news." he said.

"The good news is your friend is going to live."

"The bad news is he will be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StingsLikeBitch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2016
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What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?

A-spear-iguess

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Distractednoodle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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Who's the most dangerous celebrity?

Britney 'Spears'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abowlofspicyramen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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Shakespeare
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ares3247
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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I was dropping my kid off when I saw a wild Buffalo charging him

I yelled β€œBison!”

He looked back at me, waved, and said β€œbye dad!”

Poor kid never even saw the Buffalo before he got speared...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tnoble2945
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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While I was grilling, my son asked "can I get pickles on my burger, If it's not too much to ask?"

Me: It's not a big dill

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mwanni
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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Did you know that Shakespeare had a cousin in the army?

The cousin wasn't a writer or anything, just a soldier with Parkinson's. They say he wielded quite the shaky spear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Mjolner_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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Anti feminist boys are pushin!!!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guyintheinternet
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
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My friend is trying to convince me to invest in his sword making business .

He makes some excellent points.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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Two friends Bob and Frank are lost in the jungle when they are surrounded by a group of blood thirsty cannibals.

They are surrounded by dozens of the fierce blood thirsty warriors armed with clubs and spears. The leader of the warriors approaches the two friends and informs them they are trespassing on sacred land and unless they can prove they are descendants of the Gods they will be killed and eaten.

Bob and Frank realize they have little choice but agree they will attempt any test to try to save their lives.

The chief warrior brings them a bowl full of angry fire ants and drops one small seed into the bowl. He informs them they must put their lips in the bowl and suck as hard as they can. If they manage to suck up only the seed without sucking up an ant then the tribe would know they must be sent from the Gods.

Bob looks wearily at Frank but knowing they have no other options he puts his lips in the bowl and sucks hard. He immediately gets a mouth full of ants and screams in pain as they bite away at the inside of his mouth. Frank now even more nervous takes his turn and to his dismay also receives a nasty mouthful of the viscous buggers.

The warriors leap to their feet and surround the friends, β€œNow you must die” declares the chieftain. Just as the first spear is raised to Franks throat he screams β€œTria-Gan!” The warriors stop dead in their tracks. β€œWhat did you say” asked the chief. β€œTria-Gan” yelled frank again. Immediately the chief and his warriors turned and fled into the forest.

β€œHoly shit” said Bob β€œWhat did you just say and how did you know it would work?”

β€œWell” said Frank, β€œmy Mother always told me if at first you don’t suck seed try Tria-Gan.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/usernamemispeled
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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Drew another puzzle for the weekend. Hope you like it! imgur.com/eCTKtZb
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiggidytom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2015
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Somebody stole a weapon I had...

... so I went into a pit of de-spear!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valkstir
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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How do you kill a ghost using liquor that has been frozen in the shape of an icicle?

Spear it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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When do you do your hobbies?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HisMagnificence
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2016
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Singing French Knights

In the Middle Ages, Western France was known for it singing knights. The most famous group were a bunch of lancers from the town of Brittany. They were known as the Brittany Spears.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tuba_phone
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
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A plan for my (really loose) recreation Romeo and Juliet set in colonial Australia.
  1. Grace, an Aboriginal woman falls in love with a convict called Ed.

  2. Grace's brother, Wilangorga ( commonly known as William) is known for his anger and hate for the English.

  3. That does not stop Grace seeing Ed any time possible.

  4. One night William is out hunting near the town and sees Ed and Grace together

  5. Caught off guard , He tries to scare Ed away so William Shakes Spear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2016
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Which singer would be best suited for the roman military?

Britney Spears

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πŸ‘€︎ u/apan145
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2015
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My sociology teacher is the best

In class we were talking about different ceremonies about "becoming a man". The story goes that a tribe in Peru sends nine 15 year olds into the woods for three days and each has to collect a different item. After the time is up the tribe beats drums to call the boys back. When they return the shaman lays them in a circle around the fire heads pointing inwards and begins to heat up a spear. After The metal is red hot they begin to cut out and remove the boys kidneys. Of course my class asked "why?!" Mind you we are taking this story as notes. He looks at as dead in the face and says "The culture believes they will receive their adultneys" Tl;Dr cuts out children's kidneys because they think they will grow adultneys.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/runbabyrunforme
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2014
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Dad joked my friend after he had a long day

Friend : I've had Britney Spears stuck in my head all day!

Me: That sounds painful.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TVFlash
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2014
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What do you call a nervous spear thrower?

Shakespeare

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pewds_is_waifu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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