“Hey, how much wood have you chopped so far?”
“Not sure. Let me check the logs.”
The lumberjack loved his computer so much.
He especially liked logging in.
Why do horses love unicorns so much?
Because they’re always horny!
I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.
First, I posted this on r/jokes but it didn't get much love. Then I realized I posted it on the wrong joke sub. Y'all love the punny jokes, so here you go:
Why are lamb chops a thing? Why do we have a food named after a baby animal?
Would you ever eat something called puppy steak? Or kitten burger? Or chick fillet?
oh wait.........
Credit goes to Matt from Studio C
Why 2021 is not going to be so much different from 2020?
Why does Han Solo like gum so much?
I spent so much time working on this
Why were sports stadiums so much cooler pre-COVID?
Because there were so many more fans.
If you love Christmas so much...
Vitamin D gives me so much energy...
It should really be called Vitamin A+!
I placed a pushpin at a corner, and my life started getting so much better!
I guess that was a real turning point for me
Broke a leg , it hurts so much
Had to take my friend to the hospital
I've put on so much weight during Lockdown that my Sumo suit no longer fits me.
On the plus side, I no longer need a Sumo suit.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
Why do news pundits care so much about who the people of Poland think will win the election?
I came up with this one today but I'm sure it's been done before. My wife said it's lame. What do you say?
I love taking pictures of my son, so much most people call me
his personal 'Papa'razzi.
People often ask me how I can play golf so much and still be so bad at it
Dad, I'm so much cooler than you.
Well, put on a jacket, then. You still don't get to touch the thermostat.
I don’t know why I love bad puns so much.
I don’t get why people like fancy-cut cheese so much.
It’s not bad or anything, I just think it’s overgrated.
"Why do you like my music so much?" The grape asked his fans.
The fans responded: "Because your music just raisinates with us!"
Laughing off the pun his fans had just made, the grape replied: "Well, that's raisinable!"
Over quarantine I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
Why do ghosts love to eat health food so much?
Because it's super natural
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
This isn’t mine and I don’t know who made it, but it’s been on my phone for so many years and I haven’t seen it on here yet. I hope you all love it as much as I do.
Why does my nose produce so much mucus
My bee neighbors are so annoying, they talk way too much.
They just drone on and on.
How do old French men know so much about cheese?
My friend works as a clown and doesn't earn much money so he spends every cent carefully.
My kid asked "GROSS!! How can you fart so much!?!?"
I said, "That's just what happens when you become a dad... all of these paternal in stinks just start coming out!"
Parallel lines have so much in common,
Its a shame they'll never meet.
Why does the earth appreciate the moon so much?
It keeps the oceans tidy.
A man was tired of drinking well water as he didn't like the taste. In fact, he hated it so much that he decided to destroy the well using dynamite. Unfortunately...
Why did Rush Limbaugh take so much Oxycontin?
Americans love frozen fruit so much, they wrote it into the constitution...
The 1st amendment is the right to freeze peach.
I've heard so much about the "Eye Of The Tiger", but how come no one talks about…
Why do nurses love red crayons so much?
Because sometimes they have to draw blood.
I once asked someone how they made so much money in the restaurant industry.
He said that he stopped forking around.
Why did Vivaldi hate chickens so much?
When you ask them who their favorite baroque composer is, they always say Bach.
A salesman said his windows were unbreakable, so I punched one. That hurt, but not nearly as much as the window falling off the display and landing on my head. Unfortunately I can't sue...
...they were advertised as double-pain windows after all.
There was so much water on the pitch of my daughter's football match this morning.
They needed to bring on the Sub early.
My son ate too much Easter candy one year, and threw it all up making loud wailing sounds as he did so.
I didn't want to hear another Peep out of him.
A guy drank so much tea he got fat, he had to get Liptonsuction
Why does school talk about triangles so much?
Some people don't get the point.
I don’t know why I love bad puns so much...
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
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