I tried to join a local butter of the month club here in our small rural community, but for some reason, they rejected my application.

I'll tell you, I've never felt so margarin-lized in my life!

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lodiman77
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2022
🚨︎ report
Why do the French prefer to have a small breakfast

Because one egg is un oeuf.

πŸ‘︎ 438
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlueMageTheWizard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
🚨︎ report
A convicted hitman confessed today that he was once hired to kill a cow in a rice field using only two small porcelain figures. Police admit this this is the first recorded case of a Knick Knack Paddy Wack.

:3

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreyMurphy01
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2022
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you combine a small version of NASA and Space X?

Lil Nas X

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Subject4_Mythical
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2022
🚨︎ report
My daughter told me she wanted to go on an expensive vacation to Norway to travel inland on a small boat along the narrow water passages with steep cliffs on either side…

I said β€œhmmm… canoe fjord it??”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zbr4h
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2022
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when 2 starving people fight for a small amount of food?

MORSEL KOMBAT!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Psycho_Hobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2022
🚨︎ report
My grandfather grew up in a small town.

His best friend, Roy, was known around town for having an adventurous streak that a small town just couldn't satisfy. Roy yearned to travel the world, to rub shoulders with the well-to-do, and to squeeze every drop of excitement he could out of life. While most young folk in town, my grandpa included, were resigned to their lot, Roy was driven by his dream. He worked incredibly hard, taking every hired-hand and handy-man job he could find. He would walk five miles each way to clean a gutter if there was a nickel to be made. His hometown was always spotless, because Roy would pick up every glass bottle he saw to get the deposit back, and every can he found would get turned in for recycling.

The years stretched on. Grandpa settled down with his high school sweetheart in a one-room cottage and had my dad, and not much else. Roy kept hurrying from one job to the next, never spending a dime on a date. Everyone would just roll their eyes and quietly gossip about how poor Roy's obsession was robbing him of a real life.

One day, Roy showed up at Grandpa's house, all decked out in a brand new khaki safari kit, complete with helmet, binoculars, and elephant gun, and announced that he had finally saved up enough for passage to Africa to go big game hunting. He was especially proud of the fine leather boots he was sporting. "Indestructable" he called them, totally impenetrable to water, wind, and snow. No trench-foot for him while he tracked rhinos on the savannah!

Grandpa congratulated Roy on his achievement and wished him bon voyage. Over the next three months, the town felt Roy's absence. Litter lay where it fell, gutters overflowed in heavy rain, small-time farmers rose that bit earlier and bedded that bit later to cover the work Roy used to help with. Of course, the gossipers just turned their chat from how Roy needed a dose of reality to how thoughtless it was of him to just up and leave. Most folks were convinced Roy was gone for good. After all, how could he come back from such a high-falutin' adventure to his tiny, no-account hometown?

But return Roy did, and everyone crowded around at the bar to hear his account of his safari. To their surprise, Roy told them that, for all the time he had been away, he only bagged one trophy that was currently on a slow boat back. It turned out, once Roy got a close-up look at the elephants, rhinos, giraffes, gazelles, and all the fine animals of the African savannah, he lost all heart for hunting. He just couldn't imagi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllylTeapot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2022
🚨︎ report
It was a white Christmas kind of day and our fenced backyard was blanketed with crystalline beauty. We let our two little puppies out the back door. Amazingly, in a short period of time the yard was peppered with small holes over the entire surface. The cause of this was…..

snow little feet.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bardbelle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2022
🚨︎ report
Took my kids to the zoo and the only animal they had was a small dog.

It was a shit zoo.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluestratmatt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2022
🚨︎ report
Why shouldn't you bake into small, cylindrical dishes?

Because of the ramekinifications

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tom-Holmes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2022
🚨︎ report
How do you make small talk?

Break his kneecaps.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whisks_kinves
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2022
🚨︎ report
Recently went to the new zoo in town, all it had was a single small dog.

It was a shitzu.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pride05
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2022
🚨︎ report
Small babies may be delivered by stork.

The heavy ones, however, need a crane.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chacham2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2022
🚨︎ report
How small is the Omicron variant?

0 micron.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kwan_e
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2022
🚨︎ report
I like to leave a small container of coins above my door at night to warn me if anyone is entering my room

I call it my spidey-cents

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2022
🚨︎ report
I bought a small table for my bedroom but it broke the next day

Guess it was just a one night stand

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JMegatron
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2021
🚨︎ report
The small aircraft had no frills.

It was a little plane.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chacham2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2022
🚨︎ report
The world Origami Championships are being shown on TV for a small fee

It's paper view

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dustaknuckz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2022
🚨︎ report
I sprayed a small branch with Teflon…

It disappeared.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asktolearn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a lack of small people?

Dwarf Shortage

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaucyMcNoobins
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2022
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you mix God with small cheese squares?

Jes-its

From my 8 year old.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jobillard20
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2021
🚨︎ report
.I was asked why I had small amounts of drugs taped to my upper lip

. I said it's mustash

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dustaknuckz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2022
🚨︎ report
Why are Stormtroopers bad at small talk?

Because they can't even shoot the breeze!

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BARGOBLEN
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I think we should start by giving you a very small allowance.

That’s just my two cents.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/l33mh01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2022
🚨︎ report
That’s either one very small puppy or some huge berries.
πŸ‘︎ 191
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πŸ‘€︎ u/colorfulsoul_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the diver say when a school of small fish swam smack-dab into his face?

Minnows!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ah1887
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2022
🚨︎ report
C'mon Alice, it's a small child.
πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnnaAlayna1975
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2021
🚨︎ report
What's small, red and whispers?

A hoarse radish.

πŸ‘︎ 162
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2021
🚨︎ report
A baker in a small village woke up one morning to find everyone in town had vanished during the night.

As he began his daily routine of preparing to bake countless loaves of bread, he quickly realized there was no knead.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ill-Video3739
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
🚨︎ report
I'm rehoming a small, mixed breed dog. It's territorial, very energetic, and it likes to bark a LOT. Let me know if you're interested, and...

I'll jump over my neighbor's fence and get it for you.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What would you get if you crossed a small bear and a cow

Winnie the Moo

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/realzipliner09
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2022
🚨︎ report
I run my life like a small-bird aviary.

No egrets.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scooterpro1020
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
🚨︎ report
What kind of cheese do you use to hide a small horse?

Mascarpone.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jankyj
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2021
🚨︎ report
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said...

'No change yet'.

πŸ‘︎ 200
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Son : Why are my knees so small and yours so big Dad?

Dad : Because yours are kidneys.

πŸ‘︎ 775
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SiD_-_-_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool...

so I gave him a glass of water...

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImNudeyRudey
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2021
🚨︎ report
A small fellow walks into the bar

He notices two slabs of meat hanging from the ceiling. The barman says, "Free drinks all night if you can pull down the meat"

After great consideration, the small fellow decides against it, the steaks were too high

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yer-Da
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2021
🚨︎ report
How would you call a really small baby?

A Tom

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealThenill
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2021
🚨︎ report
A SMALL CARTOON MAN.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ASmallCartoonMan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a small mosque?

A mosquito.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/satorsquarepants
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I bought a small tube of toothpaste because the packaging said I could fly with it

But my broken neck and hospital bill says otherwise

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arrenlex
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a small chair?

^chair

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterJongiks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2022
🚨︎ report
Why do Frenchmen eat such small breakfasts?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Small babies are delivered by a stork.

For larger babies they use a crane.

πŸ‘︎ 311
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2021
🚨︎ report

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