I tried skipping rope. But I ended up being tied up.
That was knot my intention.
What do you call Batman skipping church?
What excuse did the student use to get away with skipping their zoom lecture?
"My dog ate my computer."
I went to army boot camp and I got in trouble for skipping camouflage training
The instructor said he'd never even seen me in the classroom.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
Sorry, It’s not a good hearted joke.
I flew home to Canada from Europe yesterday. I woke up this morning and said to my dad "my arms hurt. I'm not sure why. I feel like I worked out or something". Without skipping a beat, my dad:
"Huh. Must be from all that flying you did"
Boyfriend asks if I know why Windows is skipping Windows 9 and coming out with Windows 10 instead...
"Because Windows 7 8 9!"
facepalm
I used to wonder why microsoft skipped windows 9
But I shouldn't be surprised.
After all, years back, Microsoft published ms-DOS without ever releasing an ms-UNO
Why is it pronounced Bri ish?
Because they drank the t.
While watching Harry Potter once, I said to my Dad “I wonder what the Hogwarts version of a dirty magazine would be” as Harry was rooting through his chest of things.
Without skipping a beat he said “Whorelocks.”
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
I tried to skip the line in the water park
But i got caught and they wouldnt let it slide
My wife was changing through channels on TV. She asked me if I skip, too.
I said, “No, running is faster.”
Why did the dad like to skip everywhere instead of walk?
He wanted to put his best foot forward
No matter how tired he is, Mel never skips confession.
My Dad and the Home Depot Bucket.
When I was 15 there was a Home Depot bucket next to the front door for a while. One night I was watching tv with my mom. She was laying on the couch and I was laying on the floor.
My dad got home from work and as he was taking off his boots he asked “Hey, where did that Home Depot bucket come from?” And without skipping a beat I said “I don’t know. Home Depot?” My mom laughed so hard and my dad was pissed. I got grounded for a week for “being a smart ass”.
I’m now 26 and to this day when my dad and I go to Home Depot I always chuckle and point to the buckets and ask “Hey dad, where do you think those come from.”
On one of these trips I picked one up and was examining it when my dad asked me what I was looking for. I turned the bucket upside down and said “Well would you look at that dad. They’re from Lowe’s.” I thought he was gonna knock my ass out right there.
TLDR:
My dad: “Where did that Home Depot bucket come from?”
Me: “I don’t know. Home Depot?”
Why do Uber drivers skip the gym ?
Because they don't even Lyft
The powerlifter skipped leg day again.
I rang the council to see if I could have a skip outside my house
They said "You can do cartwheels and star jumps for all care!" And put the phone down
DadJokes are proof that comedy skips a generation.
http://imgur.com/gallery/3GUE8
This was a group text from me to both of the kids. The younger was born exactly nine months from the Tuesday in question. The older one responded with a thumbs down.
Found this on my skip. The underlining makes it especially punny.
When I was little and was asked to recite the alphabet I would always skip one letter. The teacher finally got fed up with me and asked,
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
It’s very rare that a defibrillator fails.
But when it does, no one is shocked.
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