Christian Bale
"My dog ate my computer."
The instructor said he'd never even seen me in the classroom.
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
Sorry, It’s not a good hearted joke.
"Huh. Must be from all that flying you did"
"Because Windows 7 8 9!"
facepalm
Because it's a holy cheese!
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
I said, “No, running is faster.”
But i got caught and they wouldnt let it slide
When I was 15 there was a Home Depot bucket next to the front door for a while. One night I was watching tv with my mom. She was laying on the couch and I was laying on the floor.
My dad got home from work and as he was taking off his boots he asked “Hey, where did that Home Depot bucket come from?” And without skipping a beat I said “I don’t know. Home Depot?” My mom laughed so hard and my dad was pissed. I got grounded for a week for “being a smart ass”.
I’m now 26 and to this day when my dad and I go to Home Depot I always chuckle and point to the buckets and ask “Hey dad, where do you think those come from.”
On one of these trips I picked one up and was examining it when my dad asked me what I was looking for. I turned the bucket upside down and said “Well would you look at that dad. They’re from Lowe’s.” I thought he was gonna knock my ass out right there.
TLDR: My dad: “Where did that Home Depot bucket come from?” Me: “I don’t know. Home Depot?”
He wanted to put his best foot forward
Melatonin.
He did diddly squat.
Because they don't even Lyft
They said "You can do cartwheels and star jumps for all care!" And put the phone down
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
http://imgur.com/gallery/3GUE8
This was a group text from me to both of the kids. The younger was born exactly nine months from the Tuesday in question. The older one responded with a thumbs down.
But when it does, no one is shocked.
My husband and I finally finished decorating the Christmas tree tonight. There’s always a star and we forgot to grab the box from the basement. I said to my husband, “What about the star?” Without skipping a beat, he says, “It’s 2020. Zero stars.”
They had to March first.
Cos then we will be admitting 2021.
But then again, we can't just skip 2021. Cos the next year is 2022.
Christian Bale.
Christian Bale
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Christian Bail
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Christian Bale!
Christian Bale
Christian Bail.
Christian Bail
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Christian Bale
A Christian Bale
Christian Bale.
Christian Bale.
Christian Bale
