I made a silverware pun awhile back. Thought I'd share it.

Some guy waring silver drawers came up to me and told me to go fork myself. That wasn't very knife of him to say but spoon I shall get my revenge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KissTDss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2017
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I needed to get some silverware for dinner and my wife was standing in front of the drawer. So I sang this to her:

🎢"Give me three forks,

Give me three forks sweetie,

Give me three forks from the drawer.

Give me three forks,

Give me three forks baby,

And I won't ask you for four." 🎡

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reefay
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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My wife and I exchanged silverware the first night we met.

Forked on the first date.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/charons-voyage
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.

It's dishwasher safe!

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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My wife was teaching my 11 month old son how to eat with silverware...

My son successfully took a bite by himself and I said, "Good forking job!" My wife groaned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hockeyscott
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2016
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I finally found the guy who stole my silverware

I told him to fork it over

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tacotardis42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
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Silverware

Silverware aren't all the same, some just fork around while others just spoon with their knives

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πŸ‘€︎ u/therarestlama
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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I was on an amazing cruise, eating dinner on the deck looking out over the water when I dropped my silverware off the edge and into the ocean.

It was un-fork-getable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/this_is_grand
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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Why did the silverware move out?

It's house got forklosed on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Epic_Espeon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2017
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?

Silverware.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blobmouth
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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It just blurted out

I was home alone a few hours ago and wanted to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I apply peanut butter and then go downstairs for jelly since there's none upstairs. I grab a new jar and try to open it. However I am incredibly weak so I fail to get it open. After five to ten minutes of trying to open it, I call my mother who is out running errands.

"Mom, are you coming home soon?" "No, why?" "... I can't get this jelly jar open..." "Look in the top shelf with the silverware. There's a red plastic thing. That's a jar opener, use that." "Alright, one sec..." Jar opens "YES!!" Jumps for joy and rushes back to phone "THANK YOU SO MUCH MOM!" "No problem." "I was in a real jam." mom hangs up, sighing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LunarDrop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2014
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What's a pirate's favourite brand of cutlery?

Long John Silverware

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lazarus_Pits
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2017
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Dad and I joked each other at a Chinese restaurant

Me: (pointing at some silverware) Pass me that fork 'n' spoon, Dad.

Him: (pointing at the condiments) Sure, just pass me the duck 'n' mustard.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2017
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Dad joked my wife after Medieval Times

The other night, my wife and I went to this corporate outing at Medieval Times with work. For those who don't know, it's a pretend jousting tournament with a bunch of food and no silverware unless you ask for it. The Knights also ride around on horseback and try to keep everyone involved and have a good time.

So one of the things they do, is give a 'favor' to to people in the audience. Typically, pretty ladies and little girls. My wife got such a favor (carnation). Gave her some mock jealousy, and our evening continued.

So on and our way home, I asked:

"So, how was your night? "

" It was pretty good. "

" Good. How about your evening? "

She's still glaring at me, three days later.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigbossodin
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2014
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Sea Bass

So I am staying in Germany with a host family. I know little German and we all went out for lunch. I was looking at the seafood section and I took forever in deciding what I wanted, going back and forth between the salmon and the sea bass. I finally decided on the sea bass, and we order our food.

So some restaurants in Germany are a lot more casual than American restaurants, and you sometimes seat yourself and the waiter/waitress will bring the silverware and napkins to you later. So when I saw the waiter bring over a plate with silverware and napkins on it, he placed it in front of me, to which I naturally said:

"Well, I could have sworn I ordered the sea bass."

My host family literally died laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tallu309
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2014
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My Dad pulled this one today...

Me: Hey Dad, there's a (silverware) fork that somebody dropped in front of our driveway. Should I pick it up so nobody pops a tire on it?

Dad: I guess you could say... There's a fork in the road!

Me: Dammit Dad... (Now thinking of this subreddit)

Dad: Yeah, just go pick it up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/88high
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2014
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While discussing my sister.

Mom: "I keep finding silverware in your sister's drawers."

Dad: "It must hurt when she sits down."

...It took me way to long to get this.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yomanpwng
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2014
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Dinner time joke.

The other night we were out to dinner. I picked up my silverware and told my daughter, "you know, I used to play the spoons in the forkestra, but I wasn't very good, so I got cut." She laughed, wife rolled her eyes, mission accomplished.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2013
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