It was the count of Montyβs Crisco.
A trailer park.
Especially when his name is Steve.
It was abridged too far.
Rowan Atkinson is travelling through mexico , decides to have lunch at a local restaurant. He orders a burrito . when full Rowan still has a little bit of food left on his plate , he takes his plate up to the waitress and says "that is the nicest burrito I've ever had, thank you" The waitress points at Tthe left over food and says " but you missed a bean"
And start calling them βpencil shortenersβ. Weβll see how long my family can take it
He summerized it!
he interrupted me
His real name is William New Yearβs Eve.
it shortens your lungevity
Lessana!
Idk it's pretty long... I was thinking about shortening it!!!
That's mean.
Bill really got the shorten of the stick.
She kept shortening it to Pam, but I knew what she meant.
My first name will be Justin. My last name will be Time.
My wife will be Niko. My daughter will be Bedora, shortened to Bed. That it will always be Bed Time. And then I will go to my wife, coming in the Niko Time. And I will always arrive at events Justin Time. Then, after my family grows, I will have an advanced degree and shock the world by proving that Time is, in fact, relative. Because they are MY relatives.
I considered taking them to a tailor to get shortened, but I think doing it myself was the more earnest hemming way.
I guess it can be shortened to "Xbo"
The problem with bears as a pun topic is that there are only 6 possible puns and most of them are stretches.
-
bear double meaning with tolerate
-
pandanother thing
-
grizzly double meaning with horrific
4)kodiak double meaning with camera
5)koalalifications
6)and Ursidae the family classification can be shortened to sound like ursa and be used instead of "or so" like in the phrase "or so i was told".
Teller, commenting on how much a customer's son has grown.
Teller: He's getting so big, you've got to make him stop that.
Kid's dad: I've been putting Crisco on him, because the can says it's shortening.
In Japanese, a standard transmission is called γγγ·γ§γ³ "mission" (they like to shorten and repurpose words). My wife can't drive a stick, so I said she was "Mission Impossible," getting groans from my kids.
> "Hey! Urine trouble!" "If you come clean now we may shorten your punishment
> That was a really crappy pun
> I should just flush this joke away
> I bet you're really pissed at me for this, but don't shit on me
>I should cleanse myself of these puns
^Maybe ^I ^should ^stop ^now
I'm not a good storyteller so I'm sorry if the cadence is bad.
As a kid, I always used to yell "Have" (pronounced HAY-ve, like "glaive") at my dog if it was doing something bad. It was a shortened thing I picked up from my mom.
Anyways, I dad-joked a lady pretty good as she was walking by the house one day, after my dog ran out the gate and started jumping up trying to lick her face. She was laughing as I kept yelling, "Haveee! Haaaave!!" and said, "Is that your dog's name? Haive?"
To which I said, "No, but I want her to beHave."
...That was a good day.
My family and I were discussing the difference between soul sisters and sisters. My brother pointed out that the quote 'blood is thicker than water' is actually shortened from 'the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb'. Dad says 'I guess there's always womb for interpretation.' Ba dum, tsss.
My Father messaged me, out of the blue, showing me what Dads do best: "The minister for prisons has persuaded the government to pass a law to require all sentences to be shorten" Wow.
A bit of backstory. I'm notorious among my circle of friends for telling "terrible puns/jokes" I think it's amazing, but I'd been rolling them out all day, patience for puns must've gotten shortened.
I'm talking with Shorty (named because she had short hair) and she was telling me about a book she had started.
Shorty "So the book's called 'Cutting for Stone' and it's like a doctor drama kinda thing, the only issue is that that it's super heavy on the medical terminology, so many bloody surgeries and procedures are listed, and I don't really know anything about that kids stuff. Like it's got an interesting plot but I don't know if I can't finish it, I'm not to sure I'm cut out for it"
At that last line I began laughing (her pun was unintentional) and compliment her on it "ha that was good. You're not 'cut out' for it"
Shorty "Oh god that was terrible just stop"
Me "You want me to 'cut' it out?"
Shorty "I'm going to kill you if you keep this up woman"
Me "You're gonna 'cut' me up?"
Shorty "Your jokes are terrible and it's proven that puns make people angry"
At this point I was just rolling in my chair laughing I really couldn't keep it together, possibly the best reply rolls through my head after this comment, I crack up, there I am choking out as tears come to my eyes. "Well it's a good thing it's not a PUNishable offense"
The girl next to me starts laughing as shorty yells at me how I can't just start crying at my own jokes.
TLDR; A witty banter of sharper than usual humor, as I walk a razor thin line of pissing off my friend and pissing myself with laughter.
I have many other stories so I titled this part one,if anybody likes my writing and jokes I'll share the rest!
Especially because his nameβs Steve.
Especially since his name is Steve
His real name is William New Years Eve.
