... but I probably should skip it, it's mediochre
The Cyantific Method!
Calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer chameleon.
The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis.
#4e5054, #272727, #282828, #292929, #2b2b2b, #2c2c2c, #2e2e2e, #313131, #323232, #343434, #353535, #373737, #393939, #3a3a3a, #3c3c3c, #3f3f3f, #404040, #424242, #444444, #454545, #474747, #484848, #4a4a4a, #4b4b4b, #4d4d4d, #4e4e4e, #505050, #515151, #535353, #565656, #575757, #585858, #595959, #5b5b5b, #5c5c5c, #5e5e5e, #616161, #626262, #646464, #656565, #676767, #6a6a6a, #6b6b6b, #6c6c6c, #6d6d6d, #6f6f6f, #727272, #737373, #757575, #767676, #777777, #7b7b7b, #7c7c7c, #7d7d7d, #7e7e7e, #808080, #818181, #838383, #868686, #878787, #888888, #898989, #8b8b8b, #8c8c8c, #8e8e8e, #919191, #929292, #949494, #959595, #979797, #9a9a9a, #9b9b9b, #9c9c9c, #9d9d9d, #9f9f9f, #a0a0a0, #a2a2a2, #a5a5a5, #a6a6a6, #a8a8a8, #a9a9a9, #ababab, #aeaeae, #afafaf, #b0b0b0
... should I pay a little extra and see it in clIMAX?
Dad cuts in and replies "she hasn't had a chance to go yet, she's been tied up".
I said "You shouldn't go out in public like that. You would look shady." No one responded. I apologized for the lame joke. I tell lame jokes like this all the time and that might have been the last straw. What do I do? Help.
We were both in a giddy mood because of how bad the movie was. It was more comical than anything else. This was the highlight of the night.
Christian Grey: "What are you doing for breakfast tomorrow." I lean over and whisper to my gf: "Eating breakfast" smh!
Hated the movie, but felt super proud of myself!
You know...Whipped
Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.
"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."
"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."
The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."
It’s called 50 shades of gray
As the engine sputters and shuts down the woman driving the car steers toward a nearby driveway and honks the horn hoping to get the attention of a guy herding cattle in the distance. Sure enough within a minute the man has ridden his horse over to her. He dismounts and gives a happy “Hello! Sounds like you’re having some car trouble. Can I help at all?” The woman replies that she’s not sure what happened but that she would love some help. They pop the hood and the man says he thinks he can fix the problem but has to run back to his barn to get some tools. The cows have come to see what’s going on and as the farmer gets ready to leave he says “Don’t worry about your car. I’ll have it running in a few minutes. Just head over there to the shade of the tree by the fence. The cows are all friendly. Bessy there likes to have her ear rubbed, Albert likes to look at people, and Mare will just moo a grand ole tune.” All of it is true and within 20 minutes the woman is happily sitting in her car with the engine running better than before. “Thank you so much, you’re a life saver,” she says. The man smiles and lets out a big laugh before saying “I’m glad I could help. But I’m no life saver. I’m just a jolly rancher.”
One day, I asked my dad to tell me one of his jokes.
"Pussy", he replied.
I was really confused."I don't get it", I said.
After a short pause, my dad put on his shades and uttered:
"I know".
I was 16 and at a rowing regatta I was competing in. It was middle of the day and very hot everyone was under these massive gazebo/tent structures with big guide wires and these huge rusty steel tent pegs sledgehammered into the dirt.
Anyways I was running late for my race and my crew were yelling at me so I started running. The shortest way was through the spectator area on a big downhill towards the water so at full pace I went that way.
About halfway the top of my barefoot trips on the rusted top of one of these steel pegs and I fall face first and tumble through the dirt with my foot and ankle split open.
People run from all directions, medical staff etc someone holds a towel over my head for shade and I see my dad. He's looking down at me but it's hard to see through the dirt in my eyes and people around.
He asks "bloody hell mate, what happened?".
In agony I manage a "I kicked a tent peg".
He knelt down beside me, looked me in the eye and said "how far did it go?"
50 shades of grain
porn flakes
rice frisky
weeniabix
captain munch
special D
Mom and I were in the car and this conversation happened:
Mom: "that car is such an ugly shade of green"
Me: "I agreen"
Mom: "ha. ha. ha." rolls eyes
Me: "Es la verde-d!"
50 Shades Of Gray
(Sorry if this is a repost)
Me: Steak burrito please.. Chipotle guy: White or brown rice sir? Me: Extra white rice please Chipotle guy: Sir, we only have the one shade of white rice
Took me a while to get it, but when I did, uugghhh. Much respect.
Fifty shades of neigh
Some background, I'm taking Listening to Jazz this semester to fill my arts credit. Last week the professor talked about musicians Miles Davis and John Coltrane, and their albums Kind of Blue and A Love Supreme.
During class he was trying to explain to us what the difference between different kinds of jazz were. So he pulled all the students wearing blue and asked each student he pulled to describe their shade of blue. I was picked and when it was my turn, I just looked at him and said "My shirt looks... Kind of Blue" referencing a Miles Davis' album. My professor double face palmed and was so disgusted by me I almost felt bad for laughing. He threatened to give me a 3 page essay on why that was the worst answer I could've given.
I had painted the wood part of their pump house a couple days ago. Today I came back to finish up the trim etc. he didn't have the same kind of paint as I had used before.
Me-"what if they're different shades?"
Him-"it's fine, it'll be all white!"
My dad said this last summer. We were in Mexico, and there was huge flocks of birds swarming above us that day. My stepmom was out on our little porch, reading fifty shades of grey. Suddenly she storms in all huffy and goes up to my dad who was in the kitchen.
Dad: What's up with you?
Stepmom: A fucking bird SHAT on my book! Look! (Sure enough, there was.)
My dad, without missing a beat: Well why are you complaining? Now you got an extra shade of grey!
While practicing on my L's: "When you're in a hurry, yellow is just a funny shade of green"
After I let one rip with moderate force, my dad responded by bellowing out (in a crowded restaurant) "SPEAK ON SWEET LIPS THAT NEVER TOLD A LIE!". I turned a lovely shade of puce, and made every effort to show that I had never seen this strange man before.
My 2 year old daughter was playing with a toy horse and wrapping a pink ribbon around it. It was starting to look like a bondage scene so I turned to my wife and said: "Look honey, 50 shades of neigh". She shook her head harder than Michael J. Fox.
[discussing via text what movie to see this weekend]
her (sarcastically): Let's see 50 Shades of Grey.
me: haha I almost jokingly suggested the same thing to you.
her: GREY minds think alike!
me: Auuuugghhhhhhhh
My wife got a new set of colored pencils and was excitedly showing off how many different colors there were. She asks me "Guess how many shades of grey there are?" Too easy. Me: (without looking up from my phone) About 50? Her: Groan and a glare in my direction
Mom (to my dad): You forgot to button the last button on your shirt.
Dad: But darling, I'm just displaying my.... 50 Shades of Gray.
