I think they called them airpods
Totaled my car on the way to junior prom. No injuries except a broken pinky toe that got caught on the brake pedal.
Obviously I’m upset when my dad arrives to the scene. He asks if I’m okay and I say yes except my toe.
He seizes the opportunity and says, “Do I need to call a TOE TRUCK?”
Thanks dad(s) for always keeping the mood light. Happy Father’s Day!
He was caught Dublin the speed limit!
Wife and Daughter are sat watching something while I’m doing the Tesco shop on my phone. - Strawberry jam is on the list, I seize my moment
“Y’know what” i say
“ - now I think about it…. I like strawberry jam… and I like blackberry jam … but I don’t like lemon preserve”
<dramatic pause>
“That just a curd to me”
Priceless!!!
My wife was dishing out food. She put some salad on a plate and handed it to my daughter.
Then my wife looked at me and said, "Cesar Salad?"
I immediately grabbed my daughter's plate and pulled it out of her hands. My daughter got confused (maybe wondering if she did something wrong?). My wife asks me, "What the hell are you doing???"
I responded, "Sorry. Could have sworn you just said seize her salad."
All right reddit, I have to get this off my chest. I’m absolutely SICK of this pandemic. Everywhere I go, I’m constantly being PESTERED to wipe down surfaces and sanitize my hands. It’s a complete infestation of my personal space!
Let’s face it, our ailing democratic rights have taken a huge hit. And this is a symptom of a larger problem. Namely, our ruling class seems totally impaired! We are being totally ill-informed by people who claim they know everything about this disease.
For example, this whole situation has been plagued with problems since the beginning! It’s a scourge on what’s left of humanity.
So I say, it’s time to break out of the shackles and seize our lives back! We need to combat this virus that flew around the world with everything we’ve got. Because this lock down is bugging the hell out of me! This is a cold call to do your part. The health of our society depends on it!
Happy quarantine, everyone!
My brother and friends are working on a truck when this happened:
Friend: what's that stuff you're putting on?
Brother: anti-seize
...
Me: we also have an uncle seize, but right now he's overseas.
There was a pause then some groans.
My son was telling me about how he talked to a boy on his schoolbus about Halloween. He told me, "I said I'm going as Scream for Halloween, and he said he's gonna be Scream too!".
So I, seizing the opportunity, said: "I guess that makes you Scream One then!"
God, I laughed.
I was walking with my girlfriend, scanning the aisles and she commented on how there was so much curry in one area. Seizing an opportunity, I promptly told her that somebody got curried away.
Recently, one of my friends had a seizure on her birthday and found out that she's epileptic.
Towards the end of the day while she was in the hospital, her dad makes the comment "Well I guess you really seized the day".
