What is the fruit that is green on the outside and red with black seeds on the inside, the name start with an H

Half a watermelon

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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A chemist plants a seed

He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/therderper123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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I think I bought defective bird seed.

No birds are growing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ciceronic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Today I don't have a dad joke for you. I have a dad fact. Did you know humans eat more seeds than birds?

It's true! When was the last time you ate a bird?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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A Bavarian guy walks into a restaurant that only serves seed-based foods...

...and you know what, the germinate!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePetPsychic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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The Count
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ahydron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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Putting a seed in your body may sound disgusting at first,

but it grows on you.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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I feel really bad for cucumber seeds...

If they're unlucky, they could really get themselves in a pickle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrowsyDuck005
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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I bought some bird seed today

I wonder what kind of birds they will grow into.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bryanBr
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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I made this crazy paste out of sesame seeds, it was so good I nearly ate all of it

Don’t worry I still have a tahini bit left

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πŸ‘€︎ u/glowcoma
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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What do you get when you feed the birds?

Fat birds.

(Took this from Mary Poppins)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HowMeowBlackCat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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I bought a bag of bird seed and I'm SO disappointed...

Not a single bird grew after I planted it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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So today my five-year-old daughter made me proud...

She was eating watermelon, and she wanted to know how much it cost. (She's obsessed with prices lately.) I asked her how much she thought it cost, and she said, "I don't know, a melon dollars?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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What did one cucumber seed say to the other?

We're in a bit of a pickle!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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Training for dad level jokes.

My wife is pregnant with our first child so I'm stepping up my joke game to reach dad level.

Mother's day was not so long ago, and since she isn't a mother yet but only a future mother, I didn't get her flowers I only got her seeds, which are future flowers.

At least I found it hilarious and so did she. Hope you guys enjoy this!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackybeau
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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Have you heard about that sauce made by a guy who plants seeds outside Stockholm?

He’s calling it Sweden Sower Sauce

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkDragon1025
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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I was brewing my first batch of beer with a friend and he told me to add the seed cones that are used primarily as a bittering, flavoring, and stability agents.

I hopped to it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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Why did the seed follow a German seven

Because he wanted to germinate!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.

Please don’t make fun of my re-seeding hare line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/saulfineman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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My daughter really changed a lot after becoming a vegan.

It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbbbra
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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Why are birds so successful?

They always suck-seed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strong91105
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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I never really cared for gardening, but after planting a few seeds..

It grew on me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kashindabank
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Milspec1974
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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Put your seeds in the bag!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/monguloids
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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An edible pale green seed of an Asian tree is very very angry with you for calling him a nut.

He's really pistachio

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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When the teacher asked where the apple's seeds are located, little Johnny said "the center."

She said, "that's almost core-rect."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."

So they did.

Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.

And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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My kids asked me why sesame seeds are on burger buns.

I replied,

β€œWell actually, sesame seeds were the ingredient that made hamburgers popular. Yup. Sesame seeds were the secret to success... ever since then, they’ve been on a roll.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.

It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrEpicGamerMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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MINECRAFT cringe joke

so i found a game called Minecraft avocado version. I heard that game has big seeds.

View Poll

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πŸ‘€︎ u/h4ck3d_654
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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Did you hear about the pumpkin seeds that were drilled out, and then left alone with nothing to entertain them?

They were bored out of their gourd.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nwhaught
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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A Dad joke planted as a seed, which took 17 years to flower.

Not quite as tragic, but it manifested into something which has haunted me at my job for years.

When I was a little kid learning about the world around me, my dad was naturally the font of all knowledge for me, He would answer all of little snippersmith's questions with his own unique insights and anecdotes teaching me of my surroundings with varying degrees of accuracy.

One day In a picture book, I encountered a photo of one of natures most bizarre creatures, the mighty duck billed platypus. Filled with curiosity of this bizarre creature and an Inability to read a young snippersmith asked his father what this creature was called, To which his father replied,

That's a Quackopotamous.....

As is a highly likely situation in day to day life the Platypus (or indeed the Quackopotamous), did not come into conversation for another 17 years, Until of course the Platypus came into conversation around the lunch table at a now grown up snippersmith's full time place of work.

I have not been allowed to forget I thought the Platypus was called a Quackopotamous, Indeed I am reminded on a daily basis by my colleagues, by my nickname Quackopotamous .

Thanks Dad.

EDIT 1: Holy Cow this took off! Gold! thank you so much.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snippersmith
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2016
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Why can’t the melons get married

Because they cantelope

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πŸ‘€︎ u/queenlatifah24
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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You can’t plant flowers...

...if you haven’t botany

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PirateboarderLife
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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How do you measure how heavy a chili pepper is?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrayingMantis
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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Why did the farmer get pulled over after planting his field?

He broke the seed limit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Foamy07
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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How can you tell Ronald McDonald at a nude beach

He has seasame seed buns

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tommymason52
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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This was so funny when I first saw this
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cortexhero707
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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What did the alfalfa say to its buds at the party?

"Hay, let's bale."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Foamy07
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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He kinda seeded that one in there
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onereddityboii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...

Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SixPhalaris
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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I didn't seed that coming! v.redd.it/0kj4qcegjof11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshua_james_m
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
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Bonus question from my math test in 4th grade: What did the seed say when it grew up?

Geometry

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperSimpleSam
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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My chickens can’t eat the new seed I got for them.

The seed is impeccable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMGROOTie9
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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Eye of Newt, of witch potion lore, is...

nothing more than mustard seed emulsified with oil. So mustard could actually be called newt butter. Or, for those who have their doubts... I Can’t Believe It’s Newt Butter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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What did one cucumber seed say to the other cucumber seed?

"Damn! We're in a pickle."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
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