Security Guards Puns

A list of puns related to "Security Guards"

Do you know why the security guard is not the champion?

Because he is not the best of the mall

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👤︎ u/EquipmentNearby80
📅︎ Feb 11 2021
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Who'd want to be Trump's security guard ?

you shout "Donald, Duck" & everybody would just laugh

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👤︎ u/fitblubber
📅︎ Jan 10 2021
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What do dentists and security guards have in common?

Cavity searches.

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👤︎ u/bogtownboy
📅︎ Nov 30 2020
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What do you call security guards who guard Samsung stores.

Guardians of the Galaxies

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👤︎ u/beingjac
📅︎ Sep 13 2020
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A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.

The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."

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👤︎ u/karanrime
📅︎ Sep 29 2020
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What do you call a security guard at a swimming pool?

The poolice

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👤︎ u/ohhnoitsmeagain
📅︎ Aug 02 2020
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What did the kindergarten teacher say to the kindergarten security guard?

You can watch the kids, but don't Overwatch them.

That's just creepy...

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👤︎ u/UnusualPete
📅︎ Sep 13 2020
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My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office.

I am on season 6 so far, but not sure what it has got to do with security.

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👤︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
📅︎ Jun 12 2019
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What do you call a security guard for a trampoline?

A bouncer

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👤︎ u/Chonqme
📅︎ Jun 15 2020
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What do you call a security guard at a samsung store

Guardian of the Galaxy

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👤︎ u/-_Anirban_-
📅︎ Jun 18 2019
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I met the world’s greatest security guard the other day. When I asked him the secret, he said it was all in his name.

Barry R.

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👤︎ u/DenialTwister
📅︎ Jan 05 2020
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What do you call a Samsung store’s security guard

A guardian of the Galaxy Credit:u/eatsleeprepeat101_

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👤︎ u/hidininthetrees
📅︎ Jan 25 2020
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Security Guard: You can’t bring outside food in here.

Me: it’s a service burrito.

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👤︎ u/dohpaz42
📅︎ Jun 05 2019
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I hear that Samsung are employing security guards at all their stores now...

...does this make them...Guardians of the Galaxy?

:D

Hotter half shared that with me the other day. We're trying to build up our dad joke repertoire with a recently arrived bub.

EDIT: for removal of apostrophe

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👤︎ u/scalesthefish
📅︎ Nov 06 2015
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Are the security guards at rubber ball factories

Known as "bouncers" ?

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👤︎ u/Shaftdriven73
📅︎ Apr 10 2019
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Why did the poet hire a security guard?

He didn't want his metaphors to be taken literally.

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👤︎ u/kungfujohnjon1
📅︎ May 26 2019
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What do you call a coffee bean security guard?

A grounds-keeper

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👤︎ u/Degtyrev
📅︎ Apr 08 2019
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What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?

Coalgate.

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👤︎ u/sodomicity
📅︎ Jan 31 2019
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The only time someone was checking me out, they were a security guard at the airport.
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👤︎ u/JoshP99
📅︎ Jan 01 2019
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What did the security guard dog say to the drunk fan at the football stadium?

“Sir, if you want to get ruff, we can take this to the barking lot.”

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👤︎ u/kailebeverettart
📅︎ Oct 10 2018
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Got the security guard while leaving work today

I was walking by the front desk with a leaf blower and the security guard puts his hands up and says "leaf me alone!"

i smirk at him and quickly come back with "Ahhh, I tree what you did there"

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👤︎ u/mickeymouse4348
📅︎ Aug 26 2016
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Security Guard's Repeating Joke

I’m not sure, but I think this belongs here:

I work night shift as a unit clerk at a hospital, and there is this one old security guard who goes on rounds to every unit. He always stops at my desk and cracks really cheesy, cringe-worthy jokes. He has this one awful (awesome?) knee-slapper that seems to be a permanent fixture in his "dad joke" repertoire. He’s said it 3 or 4 times already since I’ve started working here in March, so I'm pretty sure this joke is constantly on standby for him.

This is the exact conversation every time:

Security dude: How are you doing this fine evening?

Me (purposefully setting myself up for it): Pretty good. How about you?

Security dude: Really? WELL, I’ve never been pretty or good, so I don't know what that's like! Hahahahahaha (continues to laugh like this is the funniest joke that’s ever been told).

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👤︎ u/bad-fish89
📅︎ Dec 13 2013
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Do you know what they call the security guards at Samsung?

Guardians of the Galaxy

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👤︎ u/detrickster
📅︎ Nov 15 2018
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My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office

I'm on season 6 so far, but not sure what its got to do with security.

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👤︎ u/Automated-Waffles
📅︎ Feb 18 2019
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What do you call the security guards at the Samsung store?

Guardians of the Galaxy

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👤︎ u/Samuelcbadams
📅︎ Dec 07 2019
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What do you call the security guards outside a Samsung factory?

Guardians of the Galaxy

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👤︎ u/kickypie
📅︎ Sep 27 2019
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Boss told me that as a security guard, it’s my job to watch the office

I’m on season 6 and I’m not really sure what this show has to do with security

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👤︎ u/northamerican2
📅︎ Feb 17 2019
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What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?

Guardians of the Galaxy.

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👤︎ u/lbrooks13
📅︎ Apr 08 2019
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If there are security guards outside of a Samsung store does that mean they are

Guardians of the Galaxy?

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👤︎ u/Twigsnapper
📅︎ Aug 17 2016
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What do you call a security guard at Samsung?

Guardian of the Galaxy.

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👤︎ u/Big3151
📅︎ Sep 19 2018
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What do you call the security guards outside a Samsung store!

Guardians of the Galaxy!

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👤︎ u/B-man44
📅︎ Aug 27 2019
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What do you call the security guards at the Samsung store

Guardians of the galaxy

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👤︎ u/Noah84843
📅︎ Dec 15 2018
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What do you call the security guards outside samsung store?

Guardians of Galaxy

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👤︎ u/i_d_g_af
📅︎ Jun 01 2019
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If I’m a security guard at Samsung

Does that make me one of the Guardians of the Galaxy?

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👤︎ u/flytheblueflag4ever
📅︎ Sep 24 2018
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What do you call security guards at a Samsung store?

Guardians Of The Galaxy.

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👤︎ u/InsecureTurdPilot
📅︎ Feb 22 2018
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung?

The Guardians Of The Galaxy

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👤︎ u/Homer_Simpson2
📅︎ May 01 2018
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What do you call security guards working at the Samsung Store?

Guardians of the Galaxy

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👤︎ u/purpmonk16
📅︎ May 18 2017
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