Scalped Puns

You’re growing on me.

Not only are they rare, none are well done.

It made me feel very light- headed.

Turns out it was a real head scratcher.

She's Aunty Dan Druff

I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.

Putting the small boy in the waiting chair. He sat down and ordered the full-works: haircut, shave, scalp massage.

Via the mirror he kept an eye on the boy and each time the lad showed any sign of moving, he said sternly "Stay there, now."

When he was finished, he stood up and motioned the boy into the barbers chair. "I'll be right back," he said to the barber. "There's just something I have to get in the shop next door."

The barber got on with the boy's haircut, but the man did not reappear. When the haircut was complete, the barber said: "Your dad's being a long time."

"He's not my dad" said the boy. "Who is he then?" asked the barber. "He's just a man who came up to me and said, "Hey, do you want a free haircut?"

There wasn't a dry scalp in the place!

No son, I had my scalp enlarged.

So the bub was in the tub and I was giving his scalp a scrub.

Our baby doesn't care too much for people rubbing his scalp so I start singing "No, I don't want no scrub."

My wife walks in and asks me if I am having any luck with clearing up his cradle cap.

"Well honey, things have been going a lot better since I tried a little bit of TLC. "

I had previously told her that I'm afraid of going bald as I get older. Cut to later in the day...

Me: Gore in movies and games doesn't bother me when heads and arms and stuff are getting sliced off. But I get a little cringy when it's a scalpel cutting into skin; precision cuts are weird for me.

GF: Is it because it's a scalp el?

Me: ...