What do you call a snake that's 3.14 feet long?

A "π"thon

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👤︎ u/ididittoem
📅︎ Feb 04
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Hey cutie
👍︎ 2k
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👤︎ u/Bongnazi
📅︎ Mar 17 2018
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A good romance starts with a good friendship. A bad romance on the other hand starts with...

Ra ra ah ah ah, ro ma ro ma ma, ga ga ooh la la, want yo bad romance.

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👤︎ u/Jack_Forrest
📅︎ Aug 15 2019
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water cutie pie
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👤︎ u/CyanTheEpic
📅︎ Nov 25 2018
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Saw a bunch of Cuties when I walked in to work today. imgur.com/gallery/1pwTRMq…
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👤︎ u/MandrewJackson
📅︎ Nov 22 2013
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Flirting for dads

I took my dog called Pilky (named after Karl Pilkington) for a walk in the park. We stopped for a minute so he could have some fun in the grass, when this girl walks by.

Her: What a cutie

Me: Thanks, I just had a new haircut.

She gives me a puzzled look when suddenly she gets it.

She: that's funny.

Me: No, that's Pilky.

👍︎ 2k
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👤︎ u/jellevdv
📅︎ Aug 07 2014
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Got my sister a gift...

I bought my sister a copy of the album "Plans" by Death Cab For Cutie for her birthday.

She asked what I had gotten her, and all I said was, "Don't worry, I've got 'Plans' for you!"

I literally told her what her gift was and she had no idea! Except when I finally gave it to her, she got the joke and punched me. :(

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👤︎ u/SirFwissel
📅︎ Feb 06 2016
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I love you, Cassidy McDonald
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📅︎ Aug 01 2015
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My 3yo son dad jokes people every day.

Rando: "Hi, Cutie! Are you having fun with Daddy?"

Son: "No. I'm Kayson."

R: "What?"

S: "My name Kayson."

R: "Ok, are you playing?!"

S: "No, I'm Kayson."

Me (to self): "Lady... He just owned you twice in the same conversation... Give up."

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👤︎ u/beekr427
📅︎ Jan 23 2017
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I may be influencing my girlfriend in a fantastic way.

I always tell her the awesome jokes that I find here and other places. She rolls her eyes ninety percent of the time, as one would expect.

Well the other day I was going up an escalator and got zapped by static electricity-

Me: Ouch!

Her: Aww, it must be because you're such an electri-cutie

I was so proud, it nearly brought a tear to my eye.

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👤︎ u/BeerIsGood1894
📅︎ Oct 23 2013
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Unexpected morbid humor from my boss (a dad)

Boss: How was your weekend?

Me: My cat is dying. So I spent Saturday, sitting on the couch, doing work, and trying to figure out what kind of music you play for a dying cat...

Boss: DeathCat for Cutie?

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👤︎ u/pilly-bilgrim
📅︎ Dec 16 2013
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