You know why the Titanic sank?

The captain was nervous and needed an ice breaker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WetSoggyTaco
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?

It caused a title wave!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Gray_Area
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board

Whoops, wrong sub.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zekesnack
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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I bought a transparent boat, but it sank when I used it.

It was sea-through.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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Tragic news, a cargo ship carrying shoes from overseas ran into heavy weather and sank, only one man was rescued, he was found using shoes as a makeshift flotation device.

He was the sole survivor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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The Titanic, and Britannic both sank 4 years apart from each other

Let that sink in

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Muggz_s
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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A cargo ship hauling produce sank out in the Atlantic the other day.

Did you hear about it? Apparently it had an overabundance of leeks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slovabomb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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A tanker ship full of red and blue paint crashed into a shelf and sank

All the crew were marooned

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jacksoncranford
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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A chef on a ship invented the first ever floatation device used in case the ships ever sank. Oddly enough the floatation device was a barrel of root beer.

You see, he knew that rootbeer floats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnarwalbacon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank

Proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
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If you're playing an Asian person in Battleship, and you sink their ship, it is racist to shout "Sank you!"?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xeeke
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2016
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Two cats are having a swimming race. One is called β€œOne Two Three”, the other β€œUn Deux Trois”. Which cat won?

β€œOne Two Three” because β€œUn Deux Trois” cat sank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LindsayLoserface
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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I'd like to plug my wife's attempt to cross the Atlantic in a bath tub.

But it's too late....she sank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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Scientists recently performed an experiment to figure out the gender of an ant. They would place them in a tub of water.

If they sank, girl ant. If they floated, buoyant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TuttsMcGee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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Did you hear about the bingo caller who had a tumor?

Luckily, the tumor was B-9.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SonicRainboom13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2015
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CANADIAN: Let's watch a movie.

AMERICAN: Have you seen Titanic?

CANADIAN: What's that about?

AMERICAN: Yes, it was. A big one that sank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BassWizard420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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History lesson

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TibtibThePrincess
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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An English cat and a French cat tried to swim across a creek.

The English cat braced herself, and said β€œOne, two, three!”. The cat swam across. The French cat braced herself, and said β€œUn, deux, troisβ€―!” Cat sank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2016
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I was audibly boo'd me after this one

Last night I was at a bar with a couple buddies and a girl I've been seeing (we'll call her Melissa). We're playing 2v2 pool and I'm on Melissa's team when my other buddy shoots and misses. Being fairly new to pool, Melissa perks up and says "Is it my turn?"

To which I said "That would be your cue" as I handed her her pool stick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconStorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2015
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A man, adrift at sea in his kayak, was running low on supplies

As the sky darkened, he started to get worried about the cold. Rummaging through his supplies, he realized he had just enough to build a small fire. The man did accomplish his goal, but just as the fire started to grow, it sank his vessel, and the man drowned.

I guess the old saying holds true; you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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Puns for Educated Minds
  1. The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.

  13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.

  15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  17. A backward poet writes inverse.

  18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

  19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

  21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

  22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says Dam!

  23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

  24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, I’ve lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.

  25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

  26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreshFocusPhoto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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My dad went to the doctor because he was constipated

And in the waiting room he found a chart with the qualities of a "good poop". It said that one of the main qualities In the best poops are that they sink. They don't float. So he comes home and shows us a copy of the chart.

Literally like 10 mins later my little sister comes out of the bathroom screaming that she had a great poop because it sank "just like the titanic".

My dad wastes no time and run into the bathroom to check on the toilet and looks at me with a face of satisfaction that told me he was gonna do it. Then he said it:

"That's some good shit right there".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordOscarFedz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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Was playing scrabble yesterday...

My brother was missing the letter C for the word titanic and my dad pulls off "how can you have the Titanic without the C" We almost quit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jameelshammout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2016
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What do you call 3 cats at the bottom of a swimming pool?

trois cat sank

edit: trois quatre cinq

edit: the cats are french

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Innundator
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
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My grandfather is always saying that, back in the day, people could leave their doors open…

Which is probably why his submarine sank...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
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My Grandpa always used to say that when he was young, you could leave you're back door open...

That's probably why his submarine sank...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2017
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Every year Dad has to tell it to SOMEONE...

"It's a little known fact that the Titanic was not only transporting passengers, but was also carrying a large shipment of mayonnaise from Hellman's factories in England to consumers in Mexico. After the Titanic had made its trip to New York, the mayonnaise-- supposedly the largest single shipment of the stuff to ever be delivered to Mexico-- was going to be dropped off in the port city Vera Cruz. But unfortunately, when the ship sank, the Mexicans had lost all of the mayonnaise they had ordered. Extremely saddened by their loss and its economic consequences, the Mexicans declared a day that would go down in history as a holiday of remembrance and mourning. And every year on May the 5th they would celebrate...

"Sinko de Mayo."

hyuh hyuh hyuh hyuh hyuh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Icaz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
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A man built a submarine.

Tested it on Monday and it worked great, so he spent Tuesday - Thursday sailing it around. On Saturday the bow ruptured and it sank. The man sighed, shook his head and mumbled "shoulda known".

What caused the sub to fail?

The weekend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thewilltosucceed
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2017
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I hear they want to flood Russia in knee high water

I keep hearing talk about giving the country sank shins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2017
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.

But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Two cats had a race across a river. Their names were "One Two Three" and "Un Deux Trois". Which one came first?

"One Two Three" did cos "Un Deux Trois" cat sank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ABisset
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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There were once two cats. They were called One Two Three and Un Deux Trois. They had a race across a stream. One Two Three won. Why?

Because Un Deux Trois cat sank!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmotionallyPained
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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Two cats decide to have a boat race

One is called "one two three", the other is called "un deux trois". Who won?

"One two three" won because "un deux trois" cat sank

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pablopharm
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.

Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tekprojekt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft...

Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2016
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Two cats are having a swimming race.

One is called β€˜one two three’ and the other is β€˜in deux trois’. Which Cat won the race?

β€˜One two three’ because the β€˜un deux trois’ cat sank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigManEB
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
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Two cats are racing in the water

One cat was named "One Two Three", the other cat was named "Un Deux Trois". Which cat won?

One Two Three, because Un Deux Trois cat sank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComputerChaosKid
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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Two cats swam across the English channel. One cat was named "One Two Three", the other "Un Deux Trois".

The "One Two Three" cat made it, but the "Un Deux Trois" cat sank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Se7enineteen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
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Mexicans love mayonnaise

In fact, back in 1912 the Titanic was loaded with 1000 cases of mayonnaise that were to be delivered to Mexico after the ship briefly stopped in New York. But as we all know, the ship hit an iceberg and sank. The Mexican people were so sad they created a special day to honor the event. Sinko de Mayo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jsushe01
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2017
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Two Cats swimming the English Channel

Two Cats swimming the English Channel to France, one was called One Two Three and the other Un Deux Trois

which cat made it?

One Two Three because Un deux trois Cat Sank

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aontroim
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2015
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.

But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank - proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShiShoSha
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2014
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